Until Damiano died my sins only consisted of coming home late and sneaking out. Now I have killed and tortured my way to the top, and uncovered a world I didn't know existed. A world that was supposed to be long gone.
A world where kill counts and c...
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HI felt my body begin to get warmer and took deep breaths trying to calm myself down.
I slam my foot my foot In to the bedside table causing it to topple over breaking as it hits the ground.
I paved around the room, I need to pull myself together.
I sat into the bed with the picture in my hand however, I didn't dare look at it. And neither should she have.
What the Fuck was she doing looking at that.
I never get mad with her, but I have my boundaries and she stepped over them. To make it worse she wouldn't leave, she just had to keep pushing.
There was a knock at the door, it was soft but I could tell it wasn't Chiara, by now I knew her footsteps, her knocks and at this point I even knew the sound of her breathing.
"Go away".
They knocked again and I decided to ignore it.
The door opened and I was about to loose my shit until I spotted my little sister.
She slowly stepped into the room closing the door behind her.
"What the Fuck did you say to Chiara?" She snapped, only her domineer completely changed as she took in the state of the room.
Her eyes wandered around, but the stopped when they landed on the picture.
"She's seen it ?" She asked.
I knew the memories scared my baby sister but she had found ways to cope, our trauma was different but it was caused my the same man. It was caused by him.
I only nodded back, fearing that my words may come out much harsher then I intend.
"Did you tell her?" She asked further.
"No".
"So you lost your temper then?" She asked further and I could hear the anger in her voice.
"Barley"
"Barley?" She scoffed "she wouldn't even look at me when I walked past her" she sighed " You can't loose your temper with her like this Valentino" her voice softened slightly as she spoke.
"And she can't be going through my shit "I snapped back.
Elena let out a heavy sigh as she walked over and sat next to me "where was the picture?" She asked.
"In between the the books I replied bluntly"
She stood back up and walked over to the bookcase "in between the books over here where this one's been put back upside down?" She asked casing my head to spin to the books ,where one in fact had been put back the wrong way up.
Fuck.
She stomped back over to me "you can't treat her like that Valentino. She's been through a lot and she won't stand to be treated in a way that makes her feel smaller then you" she signed.
I didn't reply because I knew she was right. Chiara had a backbone and I imagine she won't be happy with me next time I see her.
"This relationship will be hard for both of you, neither of you can have the control your used to, but it's unfair to make her feel like she's beneath you".
"You need to give up some control" she took a step towards me "you need to tell her".
"No" I replied instantly.
"Valentino"
"No" I repeated.
I knew where Elena was coming from, and I hated myself talking to her the way I did, my head went and I didn't know what I was doing.
I lost myself for a moment,But telling her that means opening up, and once I do that I become vulnerable, there's no coming back from that.
Don't get me wrong, I want her to be the person I let in, I do but it's a big step. It brings back memories I'm not sure I want to be reminded of, and it also means telling her something that could make her see me in a different light.
It points out all of my weaknesses, weaknesses that she could use against me one day.
"If you dont. I will" she said before walking towards the door.
I jumped up as soon as those words left her lips. She can't tell her.
"you have no fucking right!" I snapped.
"Yes valentino, I do, because incase your forgetting they're my memories too!" She yelled.
"I'm not forgetting, I know that,but if I do this I can't take it back"
"So what do you plan on doing, letting her keep falling for you while you barley dip your toes in the water? Come on. Be fair. Your either all in or all out" she replied.
"It's not that easy"
She let out an annoyed huff "it's not supposed to be easy".
I looked down feeing embarrassed at the way I had acted.
"So end it with her and save her the heartbreak, or tell her. Don't make me have to tell her something she would rather hear from you" her voice was stern enough to tell me that she had meant every word she just said.
"I love you Valentino but we all care about her too now, she became family." she admitted.
"Oh yeah? And when did you all get so fucking close?" I asked.
"When you were in America. You were gone for a month Valentino. A lot can happen in that time" she said before before slowly leaving the room.
She's right. A lot can happen in that time.
Fuck.
I pulled myself up, moving the things that were in the draw away from what was now a pile of broken wood and glass, and what was once my beside table.
I pulled away the the cables and other things putting them into a separate pile, before coming across another picture.
This one only being days old.
It was a picture of Chiara, cuddled up in my hoodie and fluffy socks, i took the picture when she was dancing around the kitchen, smiling and laughing.
She hasn't seen the picture, this one's just for me.
It was one of the very few times she showed a real smile.
I can always tell when she's smiling for real or if she's pretending, she looks much prettier with her real smile.
We all spend a lot of time at the base but with mine and Chiaras....situation being hidden we stayed back a lot, it was the only time we got to do normal things.
Normal couple things. Are we even a couple?
I don't know but there's a chance we may not be anymore after the way I just treated her.
The more I looked at the smile the more I thought About her.
I didn't want to hurt her, and I definitely didn't want to be the reason her real smile shows less often. I didn't want either of that but I know I could never stand back and let her move on, I couldn't watch her smile like that for someone else.
It was my Chiara and it was my smile.
So I'm going to tell her. More because I have to then because I want to.
I cleared away all the broken parts of my bedside before putting the contents into the draw on the other side.
I took a deep breath to prepare myself before making my way over to her room.
A week ago she asked me not to break her heart, and now it was my turn to trust that she won't break mine.
