LOSING YOU

Chapter 71- The Matter Of Blood

Previously in Holding You

Kabir's POV...

I run to her as I see her fall lifeless to the floor. I have no idea what happened, I shake her shoulder as everyone surrounds her. She doesn't respond, and after a few scary moments, she gets up and whispers, "Myra", the way she says her name feels like someone came to me and ripped my heart out. What happened to Myra? Just then my phone rings. The next moment I know, I'm driving the car at the speed of one- sixty miles per hour and it feels like it is going at the speed of a tortoise. We reach the hospital and Siya starts running towards the building, I follow behind her. We go into the elevator after I fill in the entry details. The restlessness in her eyes tells me that she might set the hospital on fire if needed. She looks like a tigress who's ready to do anything for her cub. I feel a little more concerned about Myra than necessary because I've already grabbed the collar of a doctor and almost choked him to death. What the fuck is wrong with me? We meet Ruby in the hallway, her eyes red and her face soaked in tears. Before I can stop her, Siya strides toward her and does the last thing one could have expected. She. Slaps. Ruby. HARD. The entire hospital looks in her direction as Ruby falls to Siya's feet. She yanks her up and screams at her, a lot of things, a lot of cursing, it looks like Siya Mehra is gone. She asks a few nurses about Myra and they say that she's under treatment. All these things happen in a few minutes. Maybe just three, but to me, it feels like a lifetime. Siya falls on the chair. Completely opposite to what she was five seconds ago. Back to what she was five minutes ago. Completely distraught, completely silent, completely lifeless. Again. I sit beside her. I can't wait to see Myra. I hope there's nothing critical. But, the silence of the staff tells me about the terror. The feeling I had in my gut this morning amplifies exponentially as I sit and breathe. The doctor comes out of the Operation theatre... And I wish I wasn't here right now. I wish I could run. I wish someone told me that something was about to finish. That something was about to start. That Siya's and my life were about to change. Completely. Forever. That our next story was about to begin, because for this one- We were done holding each other...

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Siya's POV...

I keep staring at the wall in front of me... The world is moving... Slowly, weirdly. The lobby feels weirdly silent, I feel the dryness in my throat and the smell of phenyl fills my lungs, my body feels hot and the fabric of my shirt feels uneasy on my skin, adding to the discomfort I cannot put in words. A strange sense of numbing existence fills my chest as I find it difficult to close my eyes and even more monotonous to keep them open. I don't feel like breathing but the process just keeps happening. Mindlessly. Annoyingly. Outrageously.

Kabir went inside after the doctor said something to him. I did hear the doctor's words, and it did feel scary. No, I have no idea what he said, but doctors talking isn't a very auspicious event most of the time, in my opinion. The thing is just that I'm too messed up to think anything right now. I'm not able to think straight, I wipe my cheeks and look at my finger, it's black. Fucking mascara. I look around and go to the restroom, my feet are heavy, but still, it feels like my body keeps moving without touching the ground. I look at my face and freak out, my eyes are red, my nose is swollen, my mascara paints streams down my face and I look dead. I am dead. I want Kabir right now, I want him to shake my shoulder and tell me to wake up. I want him to tell me that I had a nightmare, I want him to hug me and I want Myra to come running into the room and give me a good morning hug... But, here I am, without both of them near me. Adding to the obnoxious feeling, my stomach growls. I quickly wash my face and almost bury my face in the toilet bowl as I try to throw up, but nothing comes out because I haven't eaten anything since morning. My body is aching, and I feel like I might pass out any minute, I haven't seen Myra yet, and I haven't spoken to Kabir. I feel extremely ridiculous. I somehow walk out of the restroom and sit on the bench again. The doctor comes out. I quickly stand.

"H... How is she?" I hurriedly ask him, pain shoots from my jaw to the sides of my head as my tongue moves. He frowns.

"She is very critical, luckily..." He starts saying something and he says a lot. I hear him, but I don't listen to what he's saying. He gives me a few "Don't worry" and "She'll be fine" kinds of things and leaves. I peep through the glass of the Operation theatre and look at my baby. Her right hand has plaster and there are stitches on the right side of her forehead. My heartbeat stings like needles against my ribcage. I feel like vomiting. I feel helpless and miserable. It's not easy to look at your child in pain. I know she must be hurting, I know that she's injured, I know she's critical, but I'm the one in pain. Every breath in my throat hurts, and every beat of my heart hurts. It's painful. It's suffocating.

"You're strong," I whisper more to myself than I whisper to her as I feel myself losing hope. I can't. I have to live. For her, for him. I speak to the doctor again and he tells me that we'll be able to see Myra tomorrow or maybe the day after. But not today. She needs to rest. I go to the cafeteria and take a cup of coffee. Where is Kabir? I call him and he cuts the call. I go out into the garden of the hospital, but he's not there, in the reception area, not there, in the pharmacy, I look for him everywhere and come back to the lobby of the Operation theatre. I'm quite surprised by how much I can ignore the pain in my mind, and in my body... Damn. They'll shift Myra to the ICU tomorrow. I hope she'll be fine soon. Each moment that passes in the lobby, kills me slowly. A little while later, a room adjacent to the Operation theatre opens. Kabir steps out, a band-aid on the inside of his elbow. He looks weird and lost. He doesn't look at me and strides away from the Operation theatre. I follow behind, like a lost little puppy. Not able to think of anything else...

"Kabir," I call after him. He doesn't respond and he keeps walking.

"Kabir, where were you?" I ask him again. He doesn't say anything. I look at him walking away hurriedly as his broad shoulders rise and fall rapidly and his muscles flex under his shirt. He quickly goes down the stairs and walks towards the garden, leaving his heavenly incense behind. I hold onto the railing of the stairs as I try to rush down the stairs without landing on my face. I swear to god, I'm gonna burn every pair of heels I have, once I reach home. He walks and I have to half run and half walk to keep up with his pace. My thighs hurt, my calves hurt, everything hurts. He goes farther into the garden and stops. I see his shoulders rising and falling rapidly as he breathes. He slowly turns towards me, his eyes dark like thunder and his expression calm and composed. The silence of the moment terrifies the hell out of me, I don't dare to open my mouth. I try to catch my breath as I look at him staring at me with an expression I cannot explain. It isn't something I like though. Both the expression and the silence we're surrounded by. He comes close to me and his breath on my forehead makes me shiver for no reason. Or... Maybe, there is a reason.

"What's your blood group?" He asks me out of nowhere in a casual tone. I keep staring at his chest as I don't find it in me to look into his eyes, or even at his face. Still confused by the weird question I try to come back to my senses, I hate this weird churning in my gut.

"A positive," I reply in a barely audible tone, lost in the uncertainty of the scenario. My eyes burn as the wind blows violently, signaling a thunderstorm.

"What was Vivaan's blood group?" His voice sounds manipulative, I give in. I don't have the energy to think, to speak, to exist. I want to go home. I want to snuggle with him in my bed. I want to sleep.

"O positive."

"What's Myra's blood group?" I don't even have the energy to spank his butt. Why is he asking all this? Can I take Myra home? Can I go to sleep after taking a bath? Preferably with him? Nah... None of them.

"AB negative," I whisper, he doesn't say anything after that. I keep standing still, staring at his chest, lost in my thoughts. Suddenly, I notice his chest rising and falling unusually fast. I blink a few times, just to be sure. But he's still breathing heavily. What's wrong? What happened? I immediately replay the question and its answer in my head and chills shoot down my spine. I want to slap myself so badly. My heartbeat accelerates, and I feel the blood surging through my veins at a pace it has never been at before. Holy fucking shit. I wish I could take the last five seconds back. I wish... I look at Kabir as destruction and disbelief filled his eyes. No. No. No. No. No.

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