LOSING YOU

Chapter 84- Eric And I

I'm in pain. An unbearable amount of pain. Everything about life hurts right now, it hurts that I haven't seen my child for the past two months, it hurts that I hurt Kabir, it hurts that I'm not able to control the way I feel. All of it hurts. It hurts till it makes me feel numb, it hurts that the numbness doesn't prevent the pain.

It hurts that I've started being okay with it.

I don't mind the pain. I can live with it. I can exist with it.

I wonder sometimes how my life would have been if... I don't know. I mean like if it would have been a normal life. I would be in Mumbai, sleeping on the couch with Kabir's arms wrapped around me while he replied to messages. Myra would be drawing something in her room and we probably would have had one more kid. What would that lil baby be doing? Umm... Sleeping. The baby would be sleeping. Life would be good...

"What are you smiling at?" Ava says as she applies a thick layer of red lipstick on her lips.

"Umm... Nothing, I was just- Nothing." I snap out of my thoughts. Ava gives me a devilish smile. I don't blame her, only if she knew...

It's been a while since I've been kinda seeing Eric. He's a nice guy. We bumped into a grocery store a week after David's party, he looked so clueless... his cart had a small shaving foam. That's all. We both laughed about it and then he offered to take some of my stuff as my cart was overflowing with shit, okay, in my defence, there was a sale at Target. He asked me out and I gladly agreed. He makes me happy, I feel like I belong. He doesn't judge me, he doesn't try to rush things, he respects my boundaries, he's funny and most importantly, he feels right. Being with him is the only time I don't remember the miserable situation I have created, the mistakes I've made and the people I've somehow hurt. I haven't told him exactly about my past but he knows the blueprint. That's fine, considering the fact that we've known each other for like two weeks or something. Gaurav is coming back next week and Ava is super excited. I, on the other hand, feel a little awkward getting to see him, especially after knowing the fact that he's coming back from my ex- boyfriend's place. Huh... It's been two months and a week. And I still miss him, I want to see my daughter.

"Siyu, I know you miss him." Ava whispers. I look at her and give her a sad smile, she pulls me into a hug. Ava loves hugs and I love her.

"So? You kissed Eric yet?" She cocks an eyebrow. I blush.

"No! Not yet!" I whisper and hide my face in my hands. Ava's phone rings, it's Fatty.

"Hey, baby!" Ava screams.

"Hi, how're you? And how's Ms. Mehra?" Gaurav says. He's not aware of the fact that I'm able to see him. Ava keeps it that way.

"Us ladies are good. How's your asshole doing?" She says and rolls her eyes. I slap my palm over my mouth to prevent myself from laughing.

"My asshole... Is seeing someone!!!" Gaurav says and Ava gasps.

"Tell me about it?" Ava says in a bored tone. I feel a depression carving in my chest. He's seeing someone. But, I hope he's happy. And I hate him for seeing someone but I'm doing the same to him. Not that I think he cares, because he probably doesn't.

"Her name is Tanvi Jain, she's-" My eyes go to the background of the screen. There he is, speaking to someone on the phone. His back facing our side. Before Fatty can complete his sentence, Ava cuts the call.

"Sorry, you had to see that idiot." She says. I smile. Just then, the door bell rings. Ava looks at her wrist watch and my heartbeat accelerates when a shit-eating grin covers her face.

"Damn... Lover boy is punctual. 7:00 pm sharp. I'm impressed-"

"And I'm fucked up! I'm not even dressed yet! Shit..." She starts walking out of the room, completely ignoring my rants. I quickly follow behind to stop her from opening the doo-