LOSING YOU

Chapter 75- Turmoil

I call him constantly. Still water-soaked, still hopeful, and still sobbing. He doesn't pick up. Did Kabir break up with me? I hope not. I look at my phone and the battery is about to die. No. Actually, my phone is dead. Wow. Adding to my discomfort the wind blows against my face, making me shiver as the delicate material of my shirt sticks like a sheet of ice on my back, and the siren of the ambulances arriving and going out of the hospital gates makes me even sicker.
I walk into the hospital building, surprisingly, nobody seems to care about why I'm crying. Maybe, because hospitals are known to be places of gloom and death. Which is mostly the case. I go to the washroom and wash my face, next, I peep into the room where Myra is and then go to the cafeteria. It's two in the morning and I'm cold and famished. I take a sandwich and water. I sit there, thinking about what to do... He got a DNA test. The doctor didn't even ask me. Okay, Myra is Kabir's daughter but nobody knew that before the test was done. I feel enraged at the thought and take a deep breath. Don't do something stupid, Siya. It's okay. People break up all the time, children get hurt all the time, and you feel fucked up all the time. It's okay. Don't worry about it. I shake my head to get rid of my shit-ass thoughts, finish my sandwich, and head towards the Operation Theatre again, my feet are straining very badly but so is everything else, I reach the floor and the doctor is standing outside the door talking to a nurse. This unprincipled asshole.

"Ms. Mehra." He acknowledges me.

"Doctor, how is she?" I ask him, I'll screw him later. After my daughter is discharged. Safe and sound.

"She's getting better, we're going to shift her to the ICU in a few hours... We'll most probably discharge her in a week." He smiles at me as if he just didn't get bribed and turned my world upside down. I smile at him. I know I look horrible, drenched, miserable, and cold, but I could give a damn...

"Thank you, doctor," I say and rush out of the hospital. I need to book a cab, I open my phone and- oh shit. I don't care. I'll walk, I'll run. I start walking to his place, it's very windy and it's still drizzling a little. I wrap my arms around my body and increase my pace. It's so dark, with not a single person, no sound, no movement at all, I need this peace but still, it's scary. Half an hour later, I reach his place. The guard looks at me and stands up, the other one, whose back is facing me, turns to look at me and he too stands up. I overlook them and walk toward the gates, anticipation and anxiety choking me as each second passes. The guards stand in front of me out of nowhere and block the gate, preventing me from moving into the house. I look at them.

"Sir isn't at home." The shorter one says.

"His car is right there, please let me in." I feel the lump in my throat growing bigger.

"Ma'am, we have orders." He says again.

"Please."

"I'm sorry."

The tears start surging out again, hauling along all the little amount of hope I had left. I sit on the chair beside the quarter and my head falls into my hands as my body quakes and I break into pathetic sobs.

"I- I wanted to tell him," I say, not sure of who exactly I am talking to, " I got scared, I- I didn't, I didn't know how he would take it. I'm sorry. I'm- I... I'm so sorry." I sit there and cry. Both of them keep looking at me as I keep reaping the result of my mistake. I think and rethink every decision, every moment, and every incident that led to this day. The man who never stopped loving me like life depended on it, is now not even ready to see my face. The more I think, the more wretched I feel.

"The small secret grew into the ugliest present in the darkness of time."

I wipe my tears and get up.

"I should go," I whisper the guards give me a sympathetic look and I leave for home. I walk with my head hung down and reach the building, I wait for the elevator and when I finally reach home, I throw myself under the cold shower. I feel weird, and hollow on the inside, but my feet are a contrasting difference to my inner body, my feet feel heavy, and I can barely make it to my bed, I sit on the edge of the bed and put my phone on charging. Luckily, I'm dead enough, so I don't get a chance to overthink as I drift off to sleep.