Soul's Shadow (Doctor Who - SI)

Part XIV (XV)

And so he did. The Doctor tossed some glances around, then sat on the steps, weaving a hand through his hair, telling them everything I already knew. I cast a look at the Master, who stood nearby, listening, like a hawk waiting for prey. When he got aware of me staring he grinned wickedly and even winked.

Maybe this place didn't have an influence on me, after all and I had simply sensed the truth. That I was a fool to believe he anything but hated me. His own self in the dream had probably been nothing more than a projection, a mental copy of sorts, so he wouldn't have to deal with me himself, and the thought made me sick to my stomach.

Diatraction. What for, though? He could have a look inside my head whenever he wanted and he was certainly powerful enough to just rip through my barriers and pop all the bubbles to see what's inside, no matter if I consented to it or not.

Sleep. That might be the key. When I was awake he couldn't get deep enough without damaging me, which also didn't explain why he hadn't just done it long before. We had shared a bed so often by now. Nothing had ever stopped him from slipping inside my head, then.

Something didn't add up.

After the Doctor was done explaining, Donna and Darwil were silent for a bit, pondering their new information. I couldn't endure standing still, so I walked around the interior, searching for something more than memory crystals. Distraction. There were machines of a kind I didn't understand, with gears and wires and vials. There were ordinary books I couldn't read. This was a library and a laboratory at once. And for a while I busied myself with listening to some more of the memos, although most of them were rather boring.

And there was the dragon.

As much as the foreign equipment fascinated me, I couldn't help but return to the creature, eventually. Everyone else was gone now, doing their own exploration. So I was left with too many questions, once more and no one to answer them.

A connection to the void.

I stretched my hand out, hovering over the shimmering scales. Void means nothing. There is only darkness, no light, no emotion, no pain. No warmth either. But that, apparently, wasn't for me anyway.

My fingers brushed over the snout, trailing along its form. Was that everything I was? A tool for others to be used as they saw fit? Even my fletching had used me as nothing but an energy source. I sighed and lowered my head, lightly bumping it against the dragon's. A dead creature. Like myself.

There was no influence. It only showed me what was already there, deep within me, but previously buried under a layer of false hopes and faked affektion. If all those illusions got brushed aside... there was nothing left of me. There never had been anything. All I was was a patchwork of different uses I had for other people. And while that was at least some kind of purpose... seeing that it was all there was to me...

"Give me your fire," I muttered towards the dragon's corpse, tapping right into that coil of darkness inside of me. "Let me burn this all to the ground."

I sensed someone standing behind me, not knowing if they had heard anything, but I didn't care, I didn't want to be everyone's fool. I didn't want to exist just to experience endless pain and loss and rejection. And there was... something responding, attaching to my thoughts, feeling its way through the stream of my consciousness. It was different than what I was used to, more raw in nature, but weaving its way through me with an unknown elegance.

And suddenly I was flying, seeing the ground lying below me, so so far below. And I felt joy, turning myself around, diving deeper, rising higher, wind around, the sky above. Freedom. Until they came. Sharp things and burning things, explosions, rain of acid, beams so hot they burned right through my flesh and let me fall.