Soul's Shadow (Doctor Who - SI)

Part XVII (IV)

"Keep your mind clear and focused."

"As if that were so easy."

The Master chuckled. "When a thought pops up just swipe it away. Like on a device."

I took a deep breath and tried again. I sat in his room, on a pillow on the floor, with crossed legs and my hands resting on my knees. Clear my mind, alright. I did what he had said and floated deeper into my own self, trying to keep my breathing steady.

"Good. Not perfect, but it should do."

Ignoring his comments was hard. Even swiping away those intruding thoughts was. I had kept Kira out of the room on purpose, even though he had protested. The little one was rather cheeky, but he had learned when to back down. Most of the time.

Stop thinking.

Away and away and away. Deeper into the ocean of thoughts and memories, deeper into the abyss of emotions and half broken wishes. Something else was there with me. A light, a spark, a glowing bug in a dark forest. I felt warmth, soothingly wrapping around my back, gently splaying on my middle and resting on my shoulder.

A part of me knew that the Master had sat behind me, the other parts didn't care. My mind shifted in a direction I couldn't name, carefully led by a soft current.

Good. Now take a deep breath and imagine your chest filling with golden light.

I did. The air flowing into my lungs was glittering like bright sand, like embers. Producing images within my mind was always easy.

Hold for some seconds.

The flow stopped. The embers rested inside my chest, floating there without any weight. Were they really just an image in my head?

When you breathe out, let the light fill your whole body. Let it envelop you in a sphere. Let it be everywhere inside that sphere and in yourself.

I held my breath for another second, then let it out slowly, seeing the light being pushed through my whole self until it poured out of my skin where it formed a golden glowing bubble around me. It was beautiful. I felt warm and calm.

If only I could tell him.

The image faded, the light drowned in a shower of rain. The Master nuzzled against my neck.

Forget about him.

If only that were so easy. Since the day we came back from earth I felt as lonely as... maybe never before. He was the only person who ever loved me just as I am. My father had never judged me, had never tried to twist and break everything I was. Whatever it was, I could always talk to him.

The Master tightened his grip a little and drew me against his chest. My head fell back. I looked up into his eyes, where I found the usual mockery glinting. But there was also warmth. He didn't entirely understand my grief. The first day he had completely ignored everything that had happened on earth. The second day he had mocked me for still being in a sad mood. By the third day he had started to train me.

You can talk to me now. His thought slipped into my awareness.

I hummed, smiling. It's not the same. You don't really understand me.

Says who?

You laugh at me for... everything. You tease me for every little mistake I make and hate me for being human. What I feel is just a burden to you, just a hindrance to get what you want.

He didn't answer at first. His mind was silent. Only his hands moved, gripped me a tiny bit more firmly. A warmth washed over me, a sensation of comfort, of feeling... safe.