She learned it the hard way. Some people were never meant to exist. Not even the Doctor wants her as a companion. But then the Master saves her from certain death and discovers that this human girl might be of more use to him than he expected.
Ranki...
The rest of the day passed in a daze. I felt tired and restless at the same time, exhausted, but still driven. And my bloody head wouldn't stop bugging me with this barely hurting headache, that was subtle, but annoying. It actually made me wonder if there might be a tear in my mental barriers again. There had been one when the Master had tried to force his drums on me, back in the space base under the black hole. However, I had the feeling that this was a different situation. There had been no force involved, only a tumbling and falling and...
I lowered the book I was reading in the library and groaned towards the ceiling. There was no way my stupid brain would allow me to concentrate on the contents of the pages. I knew the kiss had been part of the snowball effect, remembered what I had learned about nerve endings and all that. Deepening the connection to a level that would otherwise be impossible.
But...
Wasn't that what a kiss was about anyway?
Maybe on another level, maybe the meaning was a different one. I did my best to convince myself that it was, because there was one thing I was certain about. I had definitely not stupidly fallen in love all of a sudden.
Because I knew how that felt. I knew it far too well, remembered those sweet moments, when the world seemed perfect, when my heart was fluttering away and nothing was able to hit a dent in my mood. It was a warm feeling and not... Not this. On top of that I felt silly for even considering it.
We weren't even friends. Not really. He kept hurting me in various ways, he was an insane, dangerous mass murderer and also an alien. Well... and the only reason I was still alive, was because he would need me for something unknown, somewhere in his future. And I was damn tired, exhausted and literally not in my right mind, anyway.
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Sleep only helped so far with the tiredness and I decided to take a break from everything, told the Doctor I would not go out with him for a while and just do my best to keep myself away from every source of sensory stimulation.
Ever since I had set foot inside the TARDIS I hadn't had a truly quiet day. And I desperately, physically and psychologically needed such times. With a bitter huff I remembered that this was one of the reasons no relationship, so far, had lasted. People just don't understand it and assume I didn't like them anymore or even cheated on them, when I told them I didn't want to see anyone for a few days.
Therefore I was thankful and glad that the Doctor knew about the struggles of my autism, he had no problem with that, even recommended a few meditation techniques that might help to calm my overloaded brain. Not that I ever had an easy time meditating. It's so difficult to sit around and do nothing, not to focus on one of the millions of thoughts that run through my head at every time.
Thoughts, that mostly were too hazy to grasp anyway. Snippets of words, of ideas, images, sounds, that just twirled around aimlessly. And while I could live and ignore it, most of the time - sometimes it was even helpful to be able to think three things at once - now it was only adding to my overloaded state.
