BE ON CLOUD UNIVERSE [END]

HIM - BASJOB

BAS POV

"Don't you remember?"

I feel very afraid if i have to ask such words to Job. I never thought that i would show a weak side of myself just because of such a small thing. But, i fell in love with Job. I was always destined to be the one who needed him more than he needed me.

I would have been embarrassed if shame and pain didn't overwhelm me instead, climbing up my body as i sat there on my knees with Job's looking down at me, a puzzling expression that i dared to hope still hid some affection for my dark curls and small frame that loved to hug him despite it's lack of comfort for either of us.

Maybe he'll think i was being dramatic over such a simple... misunderstanding i guess? But it was something i had dreamed of for us. I understood he was busy so i wasn't angry, I just missed Job.

All i wanted was movies and dinner on my birthday. I wanted cheap pizza and cheesy rom-coms and laughable Michael Bay action movies for one night. Something simple. And he agreed. He smiled and even promised to indulge my clingy self and give me endless cuddles until the light of the next day brought us back to responsibilities and the rift of distance i was paranoid about occurring between us.

I sat all the week before in my chair staring at the laptop on my desk, too distracted to write anything for the book my editor said needed to be completed in a timely manner.

Like a little kid i fiddled with my thumb and giggled as i imagined a picturesque night with a beautiful man who loved me.

It's amazing how quickly happiness can be soured into disappointment.

I've never been good at masking my emotions, i'm blush profusely, and i am a horrible liar. So when he walked out in a silk suit saying he would be back late and not to wait up, the confusion and fear on my face and screaming behind my eyes was as clear as day. And when he looked back at me with confusion about how i was hurt, i found the strength to be rejected and ask because there was the smallest sliver of hope he might stay.

"Don't you remember?" I asked.

Silence from Job continued.

"You promised that we would have a night with each other for my birthday. Remember?"

"Oh. That's today? I can't believe i forgot. Look, i have a networking cocktail party for work. My coworker is coming to pick me up right now. I really need this, please, let's take a rain check, okay? I'll make it up to you. I'm sorry."

Job walked to the door, finished with my problem, cleared it up and started moving on. I was stunned, but he was right. I didn't argue or fight back. I didn't even cry. I just stood trying to appear anything other than dumbfounded and hurt.

As he opened our front door to leave, i saw his amazing coworker, all dressed elegantly, draped in simple jewelry, standing tall in sleek heels. And there i was sitting and looking over the back of our couch, crowded by jealousy and envy, as my self-confidence fought for its life while it withered away by the woman's clear superiority.

The woman's smile lit up the room and i instinctually drew my fingers to my lips, unable to stop quivering--pathetic--remembering just how crooked my teeth had become because i hadn't been using my retainer.

Drawn by curiosity, overcoming the anxiety and giving me courage, i walked up behind Job, feeling foolish as i did in only his old oversized college sweatshirt and childish boyshort underwear with my thick lensed glasses enhancing my muddy colored eyes.

I gave a shy smile to the woman, and she smiled back, the same smile one gives a child before whisking their adult away for more stimulating conversation.

I gave a small nervous laugh, "Well have a good night i guess." I said to both of them.

I then turned to Job. "I might be asleep before you get back. Imma try to write a chapter or two but you know how i get when it's late and i'm in comfy clothes."

He explained to the woman, "My boyfriend," he introduced first. "He's a writer."

"What kind of books do you write?" the man asked, turning to face me.

"Boyslove," i respond shyly, resisting the urge to melt away from this intimidating man.

"Well someone has got to keep the supply of bl novels flowing for middle-aged men i suppose," the man chuckled dryly.

An awkward silence started to form.

"He always gets mad at me when i make fun of his silly bl novels," he started. "You're getting lucky he's not defending his work. He's small but can be a menace. I love him anyway though."

A blush took control of my face. I was offended--they had both insulted what i do, what i love, what others enjoy for its "silliness." But the words "I love him" rung in my ears, distracting me into keeping my cool. It'd been awhile since he addressed me as His lover, the object of affection in Him life.

"Well, we better get going before everyone gets drunk on champagne so they won't even remember our names." The man interrupted as i was still in a trance.

He leaned in and gave me a kiss. It was just a peck and it made me want more of Him. The romantic in me was...excited after her use of "love."

I waved them off as they left through the door leaving me in our apartment, the only lights on being the kitchen light and TV. I stood at the door awhile. I went up on my toes, letting myself feel unstable as my soft socks slowly slid on our creaky wood floors.

I smiled, uncontrollably replaying His voice saying "I love him" in my head. I danced a little and got ready for a marathon of old Buzzfeed Unsolved episodes as i ate ice cream--my birthday tradition in college and before i'd moved in with Him.

I was content, really happy even. Somewhere in my head i knew, i knew i should be angry, jealous, and worried about Him and His coworker. But the words "I love him" were too powerful. I was put in my place, satisfied with my relationship so easily.

I opened, took a bite of my ice cream and played the episode.

- THE END -