BE ON CLOUD UNIVERSE [END]

AMONG THE STARS - TA

Like the azure sky, like the silver moon and the small, glimmering of stars, everyone has a place in this universe. Everyone can feel welcome, even if it is in some small way.

But me, i'm not part of this world. I don't feel right here. My mother used to say to me, when i was little, that every person on this earth was like a little comet; apart from each other, yet drifting in the same sky. But i don't feel like i'm even there; though i have a family, though i have friends. I don't feel right and i don't feel like i am who i say to be.

********************

Ta stared at the ceiling of his bedroom. He had been avoiding his family for days now, not wanting to see his older sister or younger brothers. He just felt off. It wasn't school or grades or anything related to the outside world.

It was a strange feeling, perhaps a sign of growth? No, it wasn't. Anyone else would look at him and say, "a bad day- we all have those once in a while."

But it wasn't just that. It was deeper-stronger-more involved than any other thought or feeling was.

Ta had been ignoring it for months. Ever since he had started seventh grade, it had been there with flashing lights like a shower of shooting stars. Unlike any other, this small comet was one that had lasted and grown over time, burning a fiery streak through her atmosphere.

He stood up, walking over to the large, circular mirror that he had hung above his desk. Ta looked at the spiral, vine- like designs framing the glass, coated with silver paint, and at the tiny name inscribed on one of the leaves in the corner, saying that it had belonged to his grandmother.

When he finally, reluctantly looked at himself, his hand automatically went to his long dark brown hair. He ran his fingers through the locks, staring numbly at his reflection.

Dropping his hand and lifting the other one, he wiped the layer of shiny, pink gloss off of his lips, glancing at the rosy stain it left on the sleeve of his white sweatshirt.

It didn't feel right to him. It almost felt like he was pretending to be someone who he wasn't.

"Ta?" said a soft voice.

He turned around and stared at his sister, glancing at the black hair tied back in a ponytail. He met the blue eyes that portrayed worry, quickly looking away.

"Are you okay? You've been in here for a while."

For a moment, Ta felt like lying.

One side of him wanted to say, "I was drawing. You wouldn't believe how long anime hair takes."

But the other side of him disagreed. The other side remembered how much he trusted Toey, and how much he wanted to get the truth that he had been hiding off of his chest and into the real world.

Toey was someone who was never prejudice or wounding. She could listen to people for hours on end, helping them sort out the tangled mess of thoughts and emotions that they called their lives. She would be a great therapist after she finished her school. Everyone knew that.

She was trusting, calm and always compassionate to those who needed a shoulder to cry on.

But the question: was Ta ready?

Telling Toey could impact the rest of his life.

Was hTa ready for that? Was he ready to face the single, overwhelming asteroid of a thought that had come blazing into his head over the past few months? Was he ready to disclose a truth that he had kept hidden away from everyone, including himself?

"I'm ... not." he admitted quietly, sitting back down on his bed, hugging his flower-patterned pillow.

His chest tightened as his sister looked at him, anxious about what he would say, what he would think.

"It's not school." he said before Toey could open her mouth to speak. "It's not Barcode or Jeff or Bible." Ta looked down at his hands. "I just don't feel right. Like who i am, why my appeareance on the outside doesn't match who i am inside."

Toey nodded slowly, gazing at her younger brother and taking his hand, eyes full of reassurance as if she understood.

"Do you want to tell mom and dad, or should i?"

********************

A few days later, Ta found himself looking into a mirror at the barber shop. Wearing clothes not designed for boys but made for girls. He didn't shed a single tear as his hair was cut short. On the contrary, he felt happier than he had in weeks. He gave Toey a small smile as his older sister held up her phone for a picture as she stood up from the chair.

"How does it look?" Toey asked, showing him the picture as they walked out.

"Perfect." he responded, hazel eyes bright with contentment and satisfaction.

********************

Ta waved as one of his best friends, Jeff, ran up to him. He didn't seem cautious or nervous or even sad that he had changed from his previous self.

"Nice hair." He said, giving something in between a smile and a smirk, offering his hand for a high five. Despite the transformation and everything that had happened in the past few days, Jeff seemed like his regular self.

Just like "the ancient times," or what they called the previous months that he had come over to their house, the two of them sat on the deck and drank ice-cold, raspberry lemonade. They watched their little brothers play in the backyard, laughing as they joked and conversed.

Jeff didn't seem different, which was a reason that Ta regarded her as such a great friend. In this universe with things constantly changing, he was glad that there was at least one person who hadn't altered their behavior or thoughts.

In this world, in this sky, his star had finally started to glow among the others. His family had been accepting, and Jeff had been happy that he had become who he really was.

Maybe, things would be fine again in this world, in this universe, in which he had finally found his place.

- THE END -
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(In this story, Ta is a transgender woman. He was a girl before. He hid it for years from his parents. He was afraid that his parents would be angry. Only his sister, Toey knew about it.  Jeff, Ta's best friend since school days. Jeff knows about Ta and always supports Ta in whatever he does. After deciding to tell his parents about it, he was happy and surprised that his parents weren't angry. In fact, they were very happy that Ta finally told them about it. Sorry if this story is a bit unpleasant.)