Two Steps Behind

Part 8

 The day was perfect, that kind of spring day that just buoyed your spirits and put a bounce in your step. The kind of day where just long sleeves or a light jacket was enough. It was the kind that let you know the cold, dark days were coming to an end and summer with its endless warmth and light was just around the corner. Long, lazy days of soaking up the sun. Sitting on the front porch with a good book and a glass of iced tea or frolicking in the waves at the beach.

These were the things Elizabeth was looking forward to. She hadn't truly relaxed in years. Her body constantly feeling like it was in a fight or flight response, every single muscle tensed and ready to spring at a moment's notice. Maybe, just maybe, by this summer she would be able to let go. Maybe her body would finally release all the fear, the anxiety, the tension. Maybe she would be able to feel safe.

Elizabeth appreciated the flowers that were just starting to bloom along the sidewalk and in front of the buildings along the main street as she moved through town. Spring was supposed to mean new life and a fresh start and, after talking to her mom last night, she was beginning to think maybe that could mean for her too. A chance to wipe the slate clean, start over, make better choices, and finally be happy.

She walked into Eddie's store and spotted him immediately, filling up the coffee station. She decided this morning that she needed to go see him. She knew he had been hurt yesterday and she knew that he could see through her lies. She wasn't ready to tell him everything, and maybe she never would be. But she could at least try to make amends. She had missed him terribly for the last four years, and now that no one could tell her not to talk to him, she was not going to waste any more time missing him. He was too important to her.

"Well, look there, two of my favorite things," she teased. "You and caffeine."

He glanced over at her, but she didn't receive one of those smiles that she loved so much. Eddie raised his eyebrows in annoyance, snorting softly. He turned away, continuing to fill the coffee station.

"So, I'm one of your favorite things today, huh?" he muttered.

"You're one of my favorite things always," she replied, desperately wishing he would just look at her. She knew she had been weird, and she knew he had every right to be hurt and even pissed off. Not only had she lied to him, but she had disappeared on him for four years without a word. If he never wanted to speak to her again, she wouldn't blame him but she had to try to make things right.

"Okay, so tell me, if I am one of your favorite things, how was it so easy for you to not see or speak to me for the last four years?" he demanded.

"It wasn't. I...Eddie, could we maybe go talk somewhere?" she asked.

Eddie sighed and gestured for her to follow him. They headed to the back of the store, through the stockroom, and out a back door into the alley. He lit up a cigarette, taking a deep hit before blowing the smoke out through his nose. She could see his agitation in the set of his jaw and the tightness of his shoulders.

"Eddie, I'm so sorry," she began, but he cut her off.

"When I saw you here the other day, I was so happy. I mean, at least I knew you were alive because I wondered. We were best friends, Elizabeth. We spent every goddamn day together for years. I know you got married, and I knew that would change things. I knew I wouldn't be the most important person in your life anymore. I just didn't know that meant that I would lose you altogether."

"I know..." she tried, but he cut her off again.

"And even after all of that, I was so happy to see you. I thought, I'm going to let it go. I'm not even going to bring up her disappearing act because I didn't want to fight. I didn't want to make things tense. I just wanted to forget about it and enjoy my best friend. But then we go to dinner and you evade my questions about your life. Then you sleep over and you wake up in the middle of the night, clearly terrified, and you play it off like it's nothing. I know you're lying. You won't talk to me. You won't tell me anything. You used to tell me everything. I mean, what is it you want from me?"