Two Steps Behind

Part 32

 Eddie had been on edge all week, ever since they had gotten home from the hospital and Elizabeth had made the comment that they should end things. He felt like he was standing at the edge of an endless abyss and the slightest shove would send him down in the deep, dark nothingness of misery. He felt like with each day, he was cracking, little fissures appearing all along his body, until inevitably he was going to shatter and fall apart.

Elizabeth was safe. Angie and her mom had been helping him by staying at the house with her when he had to leave. He had canceled this week's gig at The Hideout, not willing to risk it again. Gareth and Jeff had been very supportive, knowing that he was on the verge of completely breaking down. He couldn't stop picturing Elizabeth laying in that alley, broken and bruised, barely clinging to life. This had been the third week they'd canceled and while Jimmy was understanding, he didn't know if he would keep their slot open indefinitely. He told himself it didn't matter, all that mattered was her, but he loved playing music. He looked forward to the weekly chance to jam with his best friends. And he wasn't the only one affected. It also affected Gareth and Jeff.

Elizabeth may be safe, but she had been miserable all week. She had been distant, keeping him at arm's length both literally and figuratively. Every time he tried to touch her, she found a reason to move away from him. When he tried to talk to her about it, she blew him off, insisting she was fine. She wasn't sleeping with him in his bed, claiming her ribs were still bothering her and she was more comfortable on his couch. He knew that was a lie. He'd slept on the couch and it was definitely not more comfortable than his bed. He had even offered to take the couch so she could have the bed but she refused.

She was pulling away from him, and he was trying to hold onto her as tightly as he could. He was living from moment to moment, terrified this would be the one when she would tell him she was done. This would be the one when she would tell him this was all a mistake, that she didn't feel for him what she thought she did, that they were better off as friends. This would be the moment when she told him he hadn't been able to keep her safe and she didn't trust him. She'd already shared that she had doubts about them and he feared she was one breath away from acting on them.

Elizabeth had talked, that night at her mom's house, about running away. What if he came home from work and she was gone from his life, running away as far as she could from David and his reign of terror on her life? What if Eddie was left with the ghost of her, haunting him for the rest of his days, constantly reminding him of what could have been if he'd been smarter, if he'd been stronger, if he'd been braver? He hadn't been there when it mattered and he was petrified it was a mistake that would ruin everything.

He knew what she had said. She had looked right into his eyes and told him she had never wanted anything more than what they had. Eddie wanted to believe it. He had been clinging to it like it was a life raft as his body was being tossed around at sea. He needed to believe it with all that he was, but this past week she had shown him none of that. He kept going back to how she spoke of them being doomed.

Did Elizabeth really believe that? Jesus, he hated that douchebag with every ounce of loathing he possessed. If he lost her because of him...no, he couldn't let himself go down that road. He was going to fight for this. He was going to fight for her. It was everything he had ever wanted. He meant it when he told her he would never find happiness with anything else. Yes, being with her was complicated right now, but every bump in the road was worth it if they were together in the end.

He looked up as Elizabeth walked past him into the kitchen. She returned a few moments later with a glass of wine, walking right past him without even glancing at him, and out onto the front porch. He'd noticed she'd been partaking in a few glasses every night until she finally fell asleep on the couch. He feared she was self medicating herself with alcohol but he was also too scared to push her at all. She had woken up screaming on more than one occasion but when he tried to comfort her, she held her body rigid, not softening against him like she used to. He hadn't said anything, not wanting to make this situation worse, but maybe he should.