Two Steps Behind

Part 16

 Eddie flipped through the channels on the television as he lay on the couch. Elizabeth went upstairs over an hour ago and he hoped she was getting some actual rest. He had never seen anyone look so exhausted or terrified in his life. It's like that asshole had sucked all of the life out of her, like a leech that just kept latching on and wouldn't let go until nothing was left.

After she went upstairs, he threw the flowers in the outside garbage can, along with the note. He didn't want her to have to see them again when she woke. His body was practically vibrating with tense energy. He opened and closed his hands a few times, trying to release some of it. He felt an intense desire to hit something but he knew it wouldn't help anything. He had found that out the hard way the other night when all he'd wound up with was an aching hand and a driving rage that hadn't gone anywhere.

Eddie sighed, tossing the remote on the coffee table. For a split second earlier, he could have sworn she was going to kiss him, but it must have been wishful thinking. She was terrified and clinging to him because she needed someone to make her feel safe from the horrors of her life and he had simply been the person that was there. That was all it was.

But, shit, when she told him that he was the only person that made her feel safe, his entire body had felt like it was on the edge of jumping off that cliff, no parachute, willing to shatter every bone in his body if it meant being honest with her, if it meant there was even the slightest possibility that she felt the same. He wanted to open his mouth and tell her everything he'd wanted to tell her since they were sixteen.

Just as fast as he had the thought, she had jumped up and away from him and the moment was broken. He had realized he couldn't, just like he had realized he couldn't say anything on her wedding day. He couldn't put her in an impossible position like that. He couldn't risk everything they had because of how he felt. But goddamn it, if he didn't wish now that he had said something on her wedding day, if only to keep her from marrying that monster.

He remembered their fight so clearly. Even though it had been years ago, it felt like just yesterday. It was two months before the wedding. He couldn't tell her how he felt, that he didn't want her to marry David because it should have been him. Eddie had known, to his very core, that it always should have been the two of them. So, instead, he laundry listed all of David's faults. He accused her of marrying him just because he was going to make lots of money in his cushy job and give her an easy life. God, she had been so pissed at him. It was the biggest fight they had ever had. They didn't speak for a month, and it almost killed him. Eddie had thought he'd ruined their friendship anyway.

He had told her he wasn't coming to the wedding because he wasn't going to watch her make a huge mistake. She had asked him to give her away in place of the dad she never knew, but he didn't know how. How was he supposed to willingly hand her off to someone else when he just wanted to keep her? He feared he would grab her hand and pull her toward him and their past instead of leading her to her future. He didn't think he could bear to stand there, watching her pledge to love someone else for the rest of her life.

But Eddie had shown up. There had never been another option, not really. He loved her too much to miss such a momentous occasion in her life. He had done what his heart broke to do, and now he could kick himself for the giant mistake that had been. If he could only go back, he would have told her everything and maybe she would have ran away from that church with him. Then she would be whole and safe. Even if he had lost her in the end, wouldn't that be better?

The door opened and her mom, Debi, walked in. She paused, looking at him and then smiled. She hung her jacket and purse on the hooks by the door before coming over to give him a hug.

"Hey there," she said with a smile. "Are you joining us for dinner tonight?"

"I don't know," he said, shrugging. "I uh...well, I showed up here to talk to Elizabeth because she got upset with me earlier, but..."