Some Say the World Will End in Fire |l.s.|

five

I've officially gotten through my first week back. Well, I haven't completely gotten through it per say, but I haven't left the building. I've skipped classes in the bathroom to have a smoke, thought. Harry was right, the high is like a moment of silence, like everything going on inside my brain goes quiet, and since the shooting, that's a rare moment to have.

I'm already sucking at school which is odd because I've always done decent. Suppose its partly from skipping class, but also because I'm either zoning out in class or showing up high. Mum stopped bugging me about how much food I'm eating, even though I know she's paying attention to it. Maybe its because she doesn't like that I get so angry at her, or maybe because she hates cleaning the toilet after I vomit.

Me and Harry are in the car right now, there's a town fair that I look forward to every year, and being the amazing boyfriend he is, Harry gets passed his hatred for the smell and crowds at fairs, and he goes with me. I think he secretly likes it, but he's far too stubborn to admit that I'm right. He's holding my hand as he drives, like always, and I get excited as I see the Ferris wheel in the distance.

"How do you always manage to make me come to this thing?" he asks.

"Just admit you enjoy it," I chuckle, causing him to turn to me for a split second and grin before turning back to the road as we approach the parking lot.

"I'm only doing this for you, Lou," he says. 

"Well don't you get boyfriend of the year," I role my eyes as we park.

"I guess we have to go in now," he sighs dramatically, taking the keys out of the ignition as we both get out.

"You're such a drama queen," I say as he takes my hand and we start walking towards the ticket booth. The music is blaring loudly from inside the fences and there are loads of people talking and laughing.

"Two tickets," Harry says to the ticket guy who nods, handing them to us in exchange for Harry's money. He never lets me pay for anything. We walk in and I'm hit with the smell of over-buttered popcorn and piss, such a nostalgic smell. "Where to first?"

"Ring toss?" I ask.

"Trying to beat my record early on in the night, yea?" he smirks, and I just roll my eyes and smile, pushing him lightly with my hip as we walk.

"We both know you cheated," I shoot back. We do the ring toss, and I lose to Harry as usual, but he wins me a giant frog stuffy. "Hm, looks a bit like you," I say, holding it up next to his face, causing him to scoff.

"What made you decide to be a little shit today?" he asks.

"It's true, you have to admit it! I'm sure you've been told loads of time," I say, hugging it to my chest as we walk towards the cotton candy kart. That's when I hear the screams from the people on the roller coaster, and my heart quickens. I swallow thickly as I can feel sweat form on my face, and I swallow the large lump in my throat as we continue walking.

"That I look like a frog? Can't say I have," he smiles, getting us a cone of cotton candy to split. Suddenly, I'm not so hungry, though. All I can do for now is hug my stuffy a little big tighter. As we walk past the test-your-strength game, some insanely huge man hits it hard enough for it to hit the bell at the top, the sound at the top sounding unmistakably like a gunshot. My hands begin to shake and I can feel my chest tighten as I turn to Harry, tugging at his sleeve, which makes him stop and turn to me.

"I wanna go," I say quickly, and he furrows his eyebrows at me.

"What? We just got here," he says.

"Harry, please, I-I wanna go," I say panicky. I can feel tears form in my eyes as I tug harder on his sleeve, which makes him seem to grow serious quickly.

"Alright, yeah, let's go," he nods, wrapping an arm around me as we quickly walk out of the fair and back to the car. By the time we get back in the car, I've already started crying and my breathing is off and shaky. He turns to me, laying a hand on my leg without even moving to start the car up. I just close my eyes and stuff my face into my frog stuffy as I let out a small sob. "Louis, babe, what's wrong? What happened?"

"I h-heard it," I sob, taking another shallow breath.

"Heard what, Lou? Talk to me, darling," he says, also getting a bit nervous.

"The gun," I say in a low whisper, a look of realization plastered on his face.

"Listen to me, Louis. It's not real, your brain's tricking you. Just calm down, try to breathe for me, okay?" he tries, but I just shake my head and cry harder. I'm so terrified right now, I don't know what to do. I heard the gunshot, I heard the screams, I know  what I heard.

"I h-heard it, Haz," I cry.

"Baby, you're not thinking straight. Trust me, yeah? We'll go home where it's safe and we'll cuddle, but I need you to try and breathe first, alright?" he says. I nod, and I take deep, shaky breaths as I try to control my panic. It takes a while, but I eventually focus on my breathing and distract myself from what I heard. He begins to drive after about fifteen minutes and it's completely quiet on the way back.

"You wanna explain what happened back there?" he asks as we're cuddled close in his bed. I just shake my head, and he sighs deeply. "I'll let you rest up, but I want you to talk to me about it at some point, alright?"

"Okay," I whisper.

"I love you so much," he says, kissing the top of my head before hugging me closer.

"Love you, too," I smile softly, my eyes drooping shut before I fall asleep, safely in his arms.