Some Say the World Will End in Fire |l.s.|

six

I think Harry's mad at me. Ever since the fair last week, he's been tip toeing around me like I'm a baby or some shit, and I'm a bit tired of it. I got mad at him yesterday and told him to treat me normally, and he told me it was only because of my freak out at the fair. When I told him it was nothing, he wanted me to prove it and talk about what happened, and when I refused he got mad that I was lying to him.

It's not like he's being mean to me or anything, but I know when he's upset, and he definitely is right now. We're having lunch on the school steps, like we always do, and he's not really looking at me when I speak, and he's just giving bland answers and hums of agreement.

"I mean honestly, if they're gonna get so pissed at us because we try to leave at the bell, why the fuck is it there?" I ask in annoyance. 

"Mhm," he says absently, causing me to roll my eyes and look at him.

"What is your problem?" I ask.

"I don't have a problem," he shakes his head.

"Haz, I'm not dumb. Why are you mad at me?" I ask.

"I'm not mad at you, babe," he sighs.

"Well what's got you so angry?"

"Nothing," he tries to argue.

"Is it because of the fair still?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"I'm not mad, Lou. I'm worried, and I'm frustrated because you scared me last week and I'm your boyfriend, but you're lying to me about this whole thing!"

"I don't know what you want me to say, Harry! I had a freak out, we both know this, I don't know what else you want me to say!"

"That you're not okay, Louis! That that's happened before, or that you need help, or that you wanna talk to me about that day, anything!" he yells finally.

"I am okay, Harry! It was a week ago, I've been fine since then," I roll my eyes.

"You're not, though. You still don't eat, you don't sleep, you don't listen to music, watch tv, take a warm shower, anything. You're smoking, you're grades are dropping, and I'm terrified for you because you're not the same as you were!"

"Of course I'm not the same, Harry! I saw a boy from my regular everyday life shoot up people I knew in front of my eyes. I watched a girl get shot and she fell right on top of me! I'm the one who was tripping over limbs while running out of the school, and seeing the shooter right before he did it, and looking into the eyes of a dead girl! I'm never going to be the fucking same after that!" I scream.

"Lou, I-"

"Whatever, I have to go before I'm late," I mutter, getting up and walking to my class. I can see why he got so quiet, it's the first time I've actually told him or even mentioned at all what happened to me that day.

After talking about what happened, and it also being time for the class where it all happened, I decide I just can't. The gunshots are louder than I remember, the screams are right in my ears, the blood is on me. I splash water from the sink in my face, but looking in the mirror, I only see blood, and behind me stands Anthony, gun held up. He shots it to my reflection, but when I turn to it, I see the girl, her eyes looking at me the same way they were that day. Blood is spilling from her mouth and her chest, she's choking on it, but she just keeps looking at me. I rub my eyes, but she's still there.

I open my eyes and everything is back to normal. I'm in the handicap stall, where I always wake up, and in the same position as always, with my knees up to my chest and all. I'm used to the by now, it happens at least twice a week. Of course mum's getting calls that I'm skipping class, but I don't really use my phone and all I do is lay in my room, so she has no way of grounding me.

I walk out of the stall slowly, avoiding looking into the mirror as I walk out of the bathroom and I look at the clock on the wall. 4:30. Shit, Harry's probably looking for me. I walk out of the bathroom and make my way towards the doors when I hear Harry call my name out.

"Louis," he says in relief, running over to me. "What happened? I thought something happened."

"Sorry, I was talking to the teacher about homework," I lie, so easily it makes me sick to my stomach.

"That's alright, you just scared me," he says, hugging me to his side for a moment as we walk outside. "Hey, erm, are we okay? I know we sort of fought at lunch and-"

"We're okay," I nod. "But I don't wanna talk about it anymore."