Some Say the World Will End in Fire |l.s.|

three

It happened three days ago, and I haven't left my room since. Mum's opened the door and sat my food on the desk by the entrance, but I can't stomach it. She's begged me to eat, even offering to by the expensive cake I love from the fancy restaurant if that's what it takes, but she knows as well as I that it's no use. 

Everything I do reminds me of that day. I've turned the lights  out in my room because there's photos, posters and clothes with red on them and I can't stand my former favorite color now that it only reminds me of blood. The silence kills me, so I've always got music playing, but it's quiet because loud noise are just as bad. Yesterday, I knocked my phone off my bed and the loud bang made me freak out. I had a breakdown and no one knew about it because everybody wants to give me space. Harry hasn't come to visit me, yet. His mum made him visit their grandparents to get away from town for the week. He begged her to stay, but she said she wanted to leave and she didn't want him far from her.

I heard Lottie asking mum about it in the hallway near my room. She asked why I was so freaked out, and if I had to go to therapy. Mum said to just give me time, which I am thankful for. I don't want therapy, they'll just make me talk about what happened and give me pills that will only make me depressed or some shit. I don't need that, I just need to deal with this on my own.

Five more days past when there's a soft knock on my door. I don't respond, but it opens anyways and Harry walks in. I get up immediately, hugging him tightly and kissing him before I grab his hand and lead him to my bed, where he lays down and I lay on his chest, playing with his rings before speaking.

"I missed you," I say in a scratchy voice, after not really talking this past week.

"I missed you too, Lou," he says softly. "How're you holding up?" I just shrug.

"How was your grandma's?"

"Good," he says, beginning to brush my hair lightly. "Your mum said you're not taking care of yourself."

"It happened last week, Haz. Give me a break," I sigh out, slightly annoyed.

"I know," he says calmly, I can tell he didn't mean to make me upset. "You can take your time to deal with it, Lou, but you can't kill yourself doing it."

"I'm alright Harry, you don't need to worry about me," I reassure him.

"I'm just trying to be there for you, love.  When I saw the police cars at the school and I heard those gunsho-"

"Don't," I shake my head, a hand over his mouth as I look him in the eyes pleadingly. I can't do this, not here, not now. I can't think about it, relive it. At least, not more than I already do. There's sadness in his eyes, but he takes my hand gently and kisses it before bringing it to rest on his chest, just on the spot where I could feel his heartbeat.

"Don't be afraid to deal with it, Lou. I'm here, your mum's here, the rest of your friends and family. You're so loved, no one will judge you for being bothered by this. Just know you can talk to us, yeah?" he asks me, just above a whisper.

"Yeah," I smile softly, though it's only masking the scoff I have to hold back. I know he means well, and maybe he's right, but I just can't handle this all right now.

In this moment, while Harry holds me and plays with my hair, and while I cuddle up close to him, I realize I could never ask for a better boyfriend. He's just the kindest, most gentle, and most loving person ever, and the amount of times he's told me he's here for me makes me feel like my heart could burst with warmth and love.

"I love you," I sigh through the tiredness in my voice. As my eyes grow heavy and I relax, falling asleep in his arms, I hear him say the same thing back to me.