Some Say the World Will End in Fire |l.s.|

eight

"I was really scared for you," Harry tells me as we're cuddled on the couch.

"I know, Haz. Sorry for worrying you," I smile sadly.

"It's not your fault," he sighs. "You didn't even know what was around you. It was like you were trapped in your own brain, you were out of it for so long."

"I wish I could tell you what happened," I say.

"So, can we talk about it all now?"

"Harry," I sigh. "I'm fi-"

"If you fucking say you're fine, Louis," he cuts me off. "You know it, I know it, you're not moving on by yourself. You could go days, maybe even weeks, with nothing going wrong, but when you get triggered there's nothing we can do."

"Well I don't know what you want me to do about it," I roll my eyes.

"You could talk about that day more," he offers apprehensively, and I shutter at the mere mentioning of it.

"I already told you what happened," I say quietly.

"You could talk about it more, like maybe how you felt, how you've been feeling since. I just don't think locking in all your memories and emotions is going to help you move past this."

"I'm f-"

"Louis, why won't you just talk about it? It's just us," he asks.

"I don't wanna think about it anymore," I admit. "It's all I think about every day, every night, in my sleep. I'm don't want to say it out loud, because then it's almost like I'm confirming everything."

"Would you rather keep it swept under the rug and it continue to destroy your life? Or do you want to face it with me by your side, and eventually, accept it and move on?"

"Can you just give me some time?" I ask.

"Of course," he nods softly. And so he does; he gives me a few days, and in those few days everything goes wrong. It's like that trigger and that hallucination from the party has set me down into a spiral, and I just wanna get out. It's almost like the week it happened, I can't eat or sleep, every little thing sets me off. Even smoking isn't doing the job, so during school I went and got some Molly from the school's not-so-underground dealer.

It worked like magic, the turning in my chest and the shaking of my hands floated away and it was like even if I thought about the shooting, it wasn't the slightest bit scary, like a fever dream. So yeah, that's how I usually spend my class after lunch; it could be going to the bathroom or just skipping completely. Either way, it works, and as long as it does I don't plan on stopping.

Getting home from school with Harry holding my hand, we head to my room so I can start on my homework. While I'm doing it, though, I can feel myself getting so angry as I struggle to remember what I'm reading. I eventually have to slam my computer shut and let out a long sigh, causing Harry to look up.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"Just need a break from homework," I say.

"Alright, how about we go a little early and you'll finish this when I drop you back off?" he asks.

"Go where?" I ask in confusion.

"To eat," he says, brows furrowed. "Remember, we were wanting to try out that new place by Tesco."

"Oh, uhm, right yeah," I nod, even though I completely forgot, rushing to stand and get ready to leave. "I'm gonna go get dressed," I say, heading to my closet as he nods slowly, still looking confused but not saying anything. Hmm, weird how that slipped my mind.