Some Say the World Will End in Fire |l.s.|

fourteen

I haven't felt like doing anything for the past week. I can't seem to force myself to shower or leave my bed, all I want to do is sleep. I've never been a lazy person, always helping out around the house as a way to calm my energy. The energy is now gone, and so is the motivation to do anything. I've hated school ever since it happened, but once Harry started going it was only more time for us to spend together, and now I can't be bothered to find anything remotely enjoyable about it.

To say my grades are dropping is an understatement. I know I have homework, but I never really want to get up and go to the trouble of getting it from my bag. Harry's been really worried, and so has mum. Harry usually cuddles me as I sleep, and that's a lot of the time. Funnily enough, he's doing that right now. I know he's bored because I can feel him shift every once in a while, but I don't feel like moving. My eyes are drooping and although I just woke up from my nap, I feel myself slipping, once again.

Waking up for the second time, I feel so sluggish and as if those two naps didn't provide me any actual rest. Harry's leaning against the frame of my bed and he's on his phone when I turn to look at him. His eyes shift to mine and he smiles softly at me, moving to lay next to me as he pulls me into a tight hug.

"Feel better?" he asks me. I hum, even though it's absolute bullshit. "Good."

"Sorry, I know you were bored," I say quietly. Sometimes, I feel like a burden to everyone, like mum and Harry.

"It's no problem, baby," he says sincerely. 

"I'm just really tired, i don't know why."

"It's been a long week," he nods. "Maybe you could ask about it in your session?" I roll my eyes at his suggestion, because he knows we don't do shit in that ridiculous little group.

"Yeah, they'll just ask me why I think I feel that way and to record my feelings in a journal or some shit. They've done it to every other person there, and I'd like save myself from a waste of time."

"And your mum and doctor knows it isn't working for you?" he asks sympathetically.

"Yeah, and now look where it's got me. Drugged up and lazing about all day," I say in frustration.

"Have your flashbacks been bad?" 

"No," I mutter.

"So, that's at least progress," he tries, attempting to find a bright side to the situation. "You have no idea how hard it is to watch you break down like that."

"Sorry," I mutter.

"I'm not mad," he says, brows furrowed. "I just want you to feel better, you know that. And I know you must want that too, more than anyone." I just nod, giving him a small peck and a hug because I don't deserve him. He's such an amazing person, in every way, shape, and form. He's the only person I can talk to who will understand me, even if he has no idea what I'm going through.

"I'm so grateful to have you in my life, Haz. I hope you know that," I smile softly at him, and he beams at me with happiness. He loves hearing me say how much I appreciate him, makes his whole day.

"You're the sweetest, boo," he kisses my on the forehead, causing me to chuckle. "And I love you, so much."

"Love you, too," I yawn, before I fall asleep for the third time today. I don't miss the small sigh of worry Harry lets out, but I choose not to acknowledge it as I fall into a deep, restless sleep.