𝙰𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝙰/𝙽

Why write? Or here?

Word: around 600

So here's my million dollar question being why write? or here?. I know there not a big audience but I really don't care, I guess it feel great to feel invisible bc nobody cares and nobody will judge you. Let me explain.

There is lots of freedom with no one tell you what to do, and I know there's others fanfiction site but I like this one more better, it has more variety (mostly but it's enough), also I can rewrite some of my work and I want to have a silent voice.

Writing to me make me happy but the writer block demon is my depression. I try to force myself to write, acting like I have a jobs despite me not having this job. Whenever I don't write I become angry or miserable bc I try lots of thing before this, I failed all of them but you know what, I don't care about fame now, I care for my happiness, do you?

One of them was a YouTuber in my teen but my mom would Proofread my word. Long story short it didn't work out, so I quit. At first I thought she just didn't understand but then I Realize that I was given out way too much information, which made me assumed that one information then everybody will know (I know crazy, maybe I'm wrong). Don't get me wrong, I want to go back to YouTube and make essays (or be a gamer) but I wouldn't get the luxury of rewrite my mistake; if I make one on YouTube but I realized I made a mistake, I couldn't rewrite and I would have to make a another update vids and it would be a hassle. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I try to be a Minecraft Marketplace creator bc I love making Minecraft map, like sky the limit. I try to be independent then try to be part of a team but they all failed bc I never was an expert on certain stuff. So I quit which is a shame because I really love it bc I get paid while doing the thing I love. ( I still want create map. just testing thing out. ;) )

There also a other dream jobs that I always wanted: to be singer. I love to sing, I want to sing for the world. Also also I want to be a actor I alway thought it would be cool to act or try some studs. But now as I got older there is lots of dark side to Hollywood & Music industry that i'm like maybe it was a good thing, I mean maybe my parents will make sure that I'm happy and safe. Like tour schedule will be a nightmare for me, i am prone to seizures if I don't get enough sleep or anything else (I'm not comfortable talking about it.). I'm so afraid about being manipulated by them but still I could make movies like directing or producing or writing and even still want to act or sing. Maybe in the future, only time will tell.

Now when it come to writing. I never realized I was capable of doing that. It took me years to realize that I was already writing fanfiction or writing was my passion to begin with. Maybe because it was my sister, who was always a book nerd and I didn't wanna steal the spotlight in case she too want to be a writer, but now as I got older I know she'll let me be who I am.

I really hope you're understand all of this I feel like my autism, I might not make sense of everything. So construction criticism could be great.

Posted: 09/10/2022