Chimeric [A Chuuya Fanfiction]

Chapter 20.

Chuuya and I were lying on my bed, after we had taken a shower together. I had thrown on some comfortable clothes and gave Chuuya something to wear as well. I had pulled out my pack of cigarettes, I hadn't had one in a while and I was finding myself craving them again. 

I offered one to Chuuya, which he accepted. I pulled out my lighter and lit both of them. I laid on my back and blew the smoke straight into the air. I felt my stress slowly melting away. The past few days had been really weird and there was so much happening. I hadn't even realized that I was so stressed out, until I felt that sweet release from the first drag.

I turned to watch Chuuya beside me, who also blew out a puff of smoke. I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to say something. But I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to confess any feelings, because this could have just been lust, like all of my other flings were.

But unlike my other flings, Chuuya felt different. Not just physically. He felt like the other part of me that was missing. Something that I needed in my life. But I didn't know how to express this to him, without making things awkward. I didn't want him to feel like he needed to confess too, especially if he didn't feel the same.

"What's on your mind Dakota?" He asked. I looked at him, surprised.

"Uh... nothing." I quickly responded. Turning away, taking another hit of my cigarette. I sat up and blew out the smoke in front of me. 

"You were staring at me like I was from another planet, what's going on?" He questioned again, sitting up next to me. I sighed. I guess I should just tell him. The worst that could happen is I get murdered right here, right now. Which honestly, doesn't even sound that bad. 

"Chuuya, I really like you. Like, I think... I'm in love with you." I managed to whisper out. I quickly took another hit of my cigarette. I wanted to drown these feelings out as much as I could and my cigarette was all I had to do that right now. 

Chuuya was silent beside me. I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my head into them. I knew it. He didn't feel the same. This was just a fling and we both knew it. I shouldn't have said anything. 

"Dakota..." Chuuya started softly.

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything." I cut him off before he could continue. I didn't really want to hear what he had to say. If he was going to reprimand me or tell me that I was stupid for having those feelings, I didn't want to hear it. Because I knew it was stupid. 

I felt him wrap his arms around me. "Dakota. I think I feel the same way. I might need some time to think about it but..." He said quietly. I snapped my head up to look at him. I searched his face, trying to decipher if he was being genuine, or just saying that. He had a very sincere look on his face and began rubbing my back reassuringly. I smiled at him softly. 

Maybe he really did like me. If that was the case then maybe I could see this going somewhere. Maybe I could finally have something nice and keep it. I wanted to be around him all the time. Even if our time together had been forced by work, I wanted to spend time with him because we wanted to. Him and I may not get along, but I find our dynamic amusing. I enjoy it. I enjoyed his company. I enjoyed how much he genuinely cared for me. It was a first in a long time, to have someone care about me the way he did. It felt nice. 

I watched Chuuya as his eyes trailed down my body. They landed on my arm and I instinctively grabbed it to hide my scars. I had many scars across my body, from the all times I had gotten into fights, or fell, or just got hurt doing something stupid. People always asked about the ones on my arm though. They always thought it was self-harm, they weren't. But I didn't like telling the story. So I hid them.