RED PARALLEL

Chapter 60: North's Helping Hand

He spent several months jumping on a roller coaster of giving ups and getting backs. Releasing from the crutches had not been as easy as he thought it would be. The image of a wheeled chair would haunt behind his back, so he'd kick himself out of his mourning position and spend the whole afternoon going up and down the stairs.

"The hell ya doing?" people would say.

"I'm gripping tight on my crutches so I can toss them outta my face."

G.Klo's words were stamped on his forehead, and he'd remember them eventually. If not, people would read them on his face, on his semblance. So Traviz got rid of the walking support, and at the first free week, he fell at the stomp and almost broke back his leg. But he was excited, he couldn't help it. His mind was plunged inside the determination of getting back to dance, so he didn't hesitate. And he didn't succeed dancing. Not on the first attempt, nor on the second, much less on the third. Ten attempts and his legs were like jelly, his arms were lost in space, and the foot was three times slower than any beat he played. The worst was his head. Music would play and he'd see nothing but a blurred vision. No ideas, no steps, no hints of moves. He thought about giving up and reserve the corner of his room to flood with tears. Nate caught him crying, so he dropped the plan.

Then, he went to the streets to watch more battles, to feel the awesome shit of busting moves right onto his face and chest, but all he felt was pressure. People would recognize him and shove a bunch of curious questions, asking why the heck he had stopped dancing and when he would get back. Not able to open a timid smile, Traviz would act deaf and head back to his room, to his corner. Aaron found him reaching for the loser spot, so he gave up crying.

Then, both brothers took him to Levion, apparently aware that the lil' bro was on the verge of screwing himself again. They just couldn't let that happen. So to boost his motivation and exorcise his nervousness and embarrassment, they made him nervous and embarrassed. What the shit. Nate made him meet Meppo, G.Klo's younger brother. The man was ridiculously tall and skinny, with a long white beard and a long smile. He was very interested in knowing G.Klo's golden son, but the golden son just wanted to head toward the closest room and never get out. Levion was so crowded and pressuring, he just wanted to rap in the toilet, rap about the coward loser that he was. But again, Nate found him and he gave up crying rhymes.

When he realized that he was stuck in some annoying process of giving up on giving up, Traviz decided it was time to change. So he said to himself, looking at the ceiling, that fuck the dance career, he would be a rapper. Yeah. He'd rap about the fucked up life experiences he had on his short life, about the dad he had almost killed, about the dark blood blanket that weighed over him. A blanket he'd never get out of because both legs were broken. He'd go nowhere. So he'd rap about the solitude of living with the dearest and most awesome people, with his fantastic family, about how he was a jerk to still feel sad inside such a paradise.

I suck. I deserve nothing.

"Man, you don't suck," Ion avowed. "You're just sad. You're killing your moves all the time, bro! Your dance's off the chain, dope, ill, sick-"

"Bullshit..."

So he'd rap under tears, in the pitch dark of the night, but damn, the rhymes were so catastrophically lame that it only made him feel worse. Nate found him locked in the bathroom, sobbing for hours, and The Crib was finally worried about him. The dear Tiger was depressed. The dear Tiger was going invalid and deep down the valley. Traviz had never heard about depression before, but he felt like that a dark deep sickness fit him perfectly, so he accepted it with broken arms and swallowed it. He was born to be depressed. When Nate reached him and talked about the subject for the first time, Traviz realized for the hundredth time how much they were alike, and how much he did not deserve that awesome brother, because though they were alike, Nate was definitely a hundred times better than him. Nate was a person who had succeeded despite the fucked up shit. But he, Traviz, no. He was weak.