RED PARALLEL

Chapter 36: The Planet's Most Stupid Person

(Owen)

Owen woke up, the body screaming in pain and loneliness, lying on the cold ground of the bathroom, with nothing but half of him. He stood up, weak, drained, and sat on a chair, guilty, rotten, hated, and depraved. He tried to stare at the beautiful and aloof dawn, the sleeping Traviz resting on his bed, unaware of everything, hurt by the wrong and meaningless things, things Owen was not able to fix.

Tears fell down Owen's neck, trying to draw his attention, but it was wishful thinking. He felt so deeply embarrassed; if only he could leave all that and start from scratch. Turn his head from the thirteen-year-old boy, to not do the stupid treaty, to remain solitary in his cold journey. But there was no turning back.

And even if he could, Owen would never get back.

So he stood still on his chair, eyes on his love, praying for him to soon wake up and say it was all right, but scared to see those brown eyes again, to fill himself with another guilt, to hear a 'no', to see him walking out that door-

Traviz stirred to the right, a little heavy on the move, a little numb. He was clearly exhausted, too. Owen tried to dry all the tears from his face, standing up and-

Traviz stood up, too, not at the same speed, not with trails of tears on his face, not drugged and hopeless, but just as resented. Owen tried not to stare, and he walked toward the door, all of his skin apologizing for being in the same room as him, of invading his privacy and crying next to him, of using his image for his own pleasure. He was succeeding in exiting the door, but he felt two eyes at the back of his neck, and it felt wrong to leave the room so speechless. Confused and tense, he turned around.

The minutes they both spent standing in front of each other, wordless, Owen staring at the ground, trying to pull some words, feeling a stare over him, seemed eternal, pressuring, insensible, disrespectful. If only he had the right time... Running out of words, Owen raised his eyes to Traviz, and begged, in silence, for an answer, for a way out. And Traviz was so unreadable, so close to him, but so quiet. Owen realized how much he hated not listening to his nonstop talking daily. So his own words went out.

"Your silence is heartbreaking, Troy."

Traviz didn't raise an eyebrow, he didn't frown, he didn't tilt his head. All he said was:

"Funny. 'Cause I was screaming. Don't tell me you didn't hear it."

The accuracy and the truth of Traviz's words were heart tearing, kicking Owen's fragile comment with total disapproval. The guy in front of Owen didn't look naive but aware of the context and certain of whose the blame was.

"I'm sorry..." Owen said, broken inside for good. And Traviz responded, in the same tone as before:

"Stop saying sorry and do the right thing, asshole."

The new words hit Owen hard on his throat and his eyes trembled, threatening some tears, willing to screw the last part he still had with him. Owen looked away, pressing his lips and inhaling, acknowledging the boy's words with a slight nod. But when he laid eyes back on him, without a choice since he had screened the entire room, the stare had changed. Traviz's eyes were following each insecure move on Owen's face, half-mirroring the cautious and melancholic expression.

"... Are you crying, Phants?"

Owen tried to hold his tears for good just like before but the bottom of his eyelid was getting wetter and his eyes were so ready to relent. He pressed his lips again and stared at Traviz with no idea of what to do. Giving up.

"Why are you crying?" Traviz spoke again, this time louder and impatient.

"It's nothi-"

"Tell me!"

Owen shook his head, looking down on the floor.

"Yo, look at me!"

"I've been loving someone more than I should," Owen blurted, looking up at Traviz. His own words hurt him bad, so he tried to smile. "I'm screwed..."

Owen had no idea how Traviz would react but he surely wasn't expecting him to retort so quickly. "More than you should?"

Owen stared back. What did he mean with that question?

"Yes," Owen said.

"How much you should?"

He had to close his eyes. So the innocence had been restored. Owen pressed his lips again, throat aching from the dilemma of whether to feel relieved or completely desolated with Traviz's fucking unawareness.

"Funny, because I don't know."

And the last phrase made Owen wish to die. Traviz was the most stupid person in the world.

"Man, I think you should drop this bitch. She ain't good for ya. I'm starting to hate her, freal."