Why □Tododeku □

●《47》●

No one's POV:

Tōteki gave Midoriya his computer to look at some ideas online. They looked at space themes, Tōteki thought it would be too dark for Midoriya, ocean, nature, race cars, everything and it went something like this.

M- "What are some things that u like?"
TI- "Idk"
M- "Do u have a favorite place?"
TI- "No"
M- "Movie?"
TI- "No"
M- "Show?"
TI- "No"
M- "Omg do u have a favorite color?"
TI- "No"
M- "Seriously!?"
TI- "Well I like green now"
M- "Ur unbelievable"

Midoriya sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He looked back at Tōteki, he was leaning over with his forearms on his thigh and bouncing his knee again.

M- "Hey, u okay"

Tōteki didn't answer he kept staring at the floor and his knee kept bouncing.

M- "Tōteki? Hey, look at me"

Midoriya shifted forward and moved closer. Inches away from the recruit and placed his hand on Tōteki's shoulder.

Tōteki's immediate reaction was to stand and quickly back away from the touch. He started breathing heavily startled by the physical contact. Tōteki forgot that Midoriya was in his room.

Midoriya was frozen in place, he was also startled by Tōteki's reaction.

TI- "Sorry"
TI- "I'm sorry"
TI- "I'm really sorry"

Midoriya slowly stood up and walked over to the very tense Tōteki. Midoriya didn't know what he should say or do in this situation. The entire night Tōteki has been comforting him but when the roles are reversed he doesn't know what to do. All he can do is ask 'are you okay' but he knows better than anyone that doesn't help at all.

So he hugged him? That's all he thought about at that moment.

Tōteki was frozen for a second but once he understood what was happening he melted into the hug. He lightly quizzed Midoriya pulling him closer. Midoriya didn't mind, he could feel how much Tōteki need that hug.

TI- "I'm sorry"

Midoriya started rocking with Tōteki side to side. It always helped him when he was feeling sad, but he doesn't remember why or where he learned it from.

Tōteki was the first one to move away.

TI- "You should head to your room."

Tōteki turned away and started cleaning his already spotless room.

M- "&/);7:&?:?:)).'Jan"
TI- "Your sick and it's late"

He closed the laptop. He fixed his sheets.

M- "&:&.!)/@@/@):):?).):):$:7:$"
TI- "The security should be gone by now"

Midoriya folded his arms and looked away when Tōteki's eyes met his.

TI- "I'm sorry"

He whispered.

~~

And I'm sorry too.
I don't think I can keep writing this and it hurts. I'm hunted by the thoughts of things to come and things I desperately wish I had written.
I loved writing this, I remember when I started I was shaking with joy and excitement.
Now the first couple of chapters is shit point blank. But where I am now I think it's good. Given who I am and the person I was I've gotten better. In writing I mean (I think.... I hope).
I've read many books here where the author just disappears, and I don't blame them life happens.
But I kept saying that I will keep writing and I'm not giving up. But here I am giving up.
I've gone down a path in life that has opened so many doors for me. What started as a part-time thing I did when I was running away from studying or hiding in my room. Turned into something I am proud of, although I can't tell anyone I would die of embarrassment.
I went from writing every day, to every other day, every week, every other week, to maybe once a month.
I'm currently in another country studying for a year, and to say it's stressful would be an understatement. Which is what lead me to write this. The path I was talking about is STEM. I'm not making excuses but when I can't do the thing I enjoyed the most it hurts. Who knows maybe, I'll start writing again, maybe I find that time when I can upload a chapter instead of scraping it. If I do start again and something happens and I give up maybe even delete the app so I don't live with the guilt. I want to know that I at least said,

Goodbye.