Why □Tododeku □

●《45》●

No one's POV:

Tōteki pulled away from Midoriya with the biggest smile on his face.

TI- "I'm glad to hear that"

His smile never faded, reflecting the light coming from the street light above them. Midoriya looked at the taller boy glowing in front of him. He thought it was odd that someone could look so happy being around him.

Midoriya's POV:

Why does he look so happy? I was never able to make Todoroki smile like that. Is Tōteki faking it? My heart squeezed, and my chest felt numb. He has to be nobody wants to be around a freak like me. I said I was happy spending time with him, but now I'm wondering if he kept asking to make sure he had me tricked. I never spent this much time with anyone, the topic or attention was always on me and my problems. I put him in uncomfortable positions having to comfort me in public. There's a reason he wanted us to leave after the movie. Not because I looked like I wasn't having fun.

He wanted to get away from me.

The world seemed to slow down as the realization came crashing onto me.

I didn't want to believe it, he had fun...

Right?

TI- "I don't think I can walk all the way right now, want to stop by the park for a break?"

Honestly, I didn't want to stop walking, I wanted to get this over with so he can get away from me. I know he wants to, I would want to get away from myself if I had the chance. But I can tell that he's tired, I would only make things worse if I didn't agree to stop.

M- "Sure"

Tōteki tried holding my hand, but I pulled away fixing my hair. I felt disgusting, I told him so much and showed how weak and damaged I am. Why did I do that? I just want to go to my dorm and be alone.

TI- "And here we-, are you okay?"

No one's POV:

Midoriya looked at Tōteki weirdly giving a confused smile.

M- "Yes I'm fine"
TI- "Then why are you crying?"

Midoriya wiped the corners of his eyes, and silently cursed himself.

M- "I'm not there's just something in my eyes!"
TI- "You don't have to lie, why are you crying again?"

Midoriya smiled focusing his eyes to stop watering and taking a deep breath to suck back up tears that didn't fall.

M- "I'm fine"

The word 'again' caught Midoriya's attention, did Tōteki see him as a crybaby?

M- "Let's go"

Midoriya walked passed Tōteki into the park and sat on the bench from earlier. He taped on the spot next to him instructing Tōteki to sit.

Stiffly Tōteki walked over to Midoriya he could tell that there was a shift from the happy mood that was around them earlier.

When Tōteki sat next to Midoriya, there was a silence that made him uncomfortable. He kept shuffling his feet and soon started bouncing his left knee.

Midoriya noticed the behavior and gently rested his head on Tōteki's shoulder, took his hand, and intertwined their fingers. Tōteki took a deep breath, alerted by the unexpected physical contact from Midoriya.

M- "Are you okay?"

His voice was soft almost a whisper.

TI- "I'm fine"
M- "That's my line"

Midoriya softly chuckled. Midoriya's laugh did something to Tōteki. Hearing it made him feel things he couldn't understand or explain.

He looked down at Midoriya, all he saw was the hair on his head, but he didn't mind. He released his breath and his leg stopped bouncing.

Midoriya never looked away from Tōteki's bouncing knee, when it stopped he gently quizzed Tōteki's hand.

M- "Tōteki? U okay?"

Tōteki sighed closing his eyes, he rested his head on Midoriya's, quizzing his hand back.

TI- "I'm okay now"

~Time skip~

Midoriya lead Tōteki to the middle of the park, they lay on the grass looking at the stars.

Midoriya tried to learn more about Tōteki by asking questions about his childhood.

TI- "It was okay, I guess"

Every attempt lead to a dead end.

TI- "I just stayed home a lot"

Midoriya stopped pressing the subject, he noticed that Tōteki was getting uneasy and a lil upset.

TI- "The stars are pretty, do you always watch the stars?"
M- "When I was younger.. if I couldn't sleep I used to watch the stars from my room. I thought it would get me board and I would fall asleep."
TI- "Did it work?"
M- "At first, but after a while, I just laid awake all night."
TI- "You have trouble sleeping?"
M- "No, if I was excited for the next day I just couldn't keep my eyes closed"
TI- "Oh, okay"

Tōteki started picking the grass next to them.

M- "Do you have trouble sleeping?"

Tōteki hesitated, rubbing his face and nose.

M- "Tōteki?"
TI- "Hmm"
M- "You ok-"
TI- "I'm fine, I just, I don't really want to talk about it."
M- "Okay, we can talk about something else, if you want"

Tōteki took another deep breath.

TI- "This isn't fair, you shared a lot about yourself, so yeah, I have trouble sleeping."

Midoriya sat up and looked down at Tōteki.

Tōteki laughed, he knew Midoriya was trying to get to know him better from the line of questions from earlier. So now he had his full attention, listening to him talk about himself. 

TI- "I don't know the last time I willingly went to sleep, I do a lot of activities so I drain my energy. Like running or mostly I just exercise and then I knock out. Guilt is what keeps me up at night, something happened when I was younger and I've been carrying the weight of that ever since. I close my eyes and like a bad horror flick, it just keeps playing over and over. And I just want it to stop, and ik what ur thinking 'Go to the doctor' or 'Have u tried medicine?' doctors think I'm crazy and the medicine didn't help."

Midoriya didn't know what to say, all his words got caught in his throat.

TI- "I know, it's a lot, you don't have to say anything."

Tōteki sat up next to Midoriya. He smiled and stood up. Midoriya watched him stretch his back and twist from side to side and check his phone.

TI- "Ready to go?"