Gold Rush | Ser Harwin

02.

  I look ridiculous. My hair has been pulled and braided so many times that I'm surprised I still have hair. My silver hair is twisted on top of my head in an unflattering hairstyle. And they've actually put rouge on my cheeks and lips. Am I that ugly that they feel the need to paint my face?

  My dress is also too tight, I think the dressmaker make it a size too small so that it would give my breasts a boost. Making me more appealing to the male crowd. It's disgusting. The dress is lacy and white and so so ugly. I know Rhaenyra chose it though and I owe it to her to wear it.

  But what I refuse to do is wear these stupid shoes. When no one is looking I pull them off and pull on my beloved brown leather boots. I groan as my feet enter them. It's like coming home. These boots are perfectly moulded to my feet, they were the first thing I bought after being exiled. Well, I didn't buy them. I stole them. I didn't have any money and I had bare feet, what else was I suppose to do?

  The maids leave at this moment and I'm alone in my dungeon bedroom. I look at my reflection and my stupid hair. I pull at one of the braids and it falls down my back. It's at this moment a maid walks back in with a scar directly across her face. We both look at each other with a guilty expression on our faces.

  "I was just-" I try to think of an excuse but I've honestly got nothing. The maid sighs before walking over.

  "I saw the style you wore yesterday," the girl begins. "And I've seen the Dothraki women hairstyles, I could recreate them, now for you?"

  "You'd do that?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. I guess Visery's hasn't quite got his claws into everyone here.

"I grew up with the Dothraki," the girl explains as she begins to take down the braids. "My father was a Dothraki horse lord and he sent me here to find a husband. But the men here don't care for Dothraki women."

  "What's your name?" I ask as she twists the strands of silver hair into a classic Dothraki hairstyle, one that I use to wear when I was back across the narrow sea.

  "Imrie," the girl says with a soft smile.

  "That's a beautiful name, Imrie," I say and she smiles again. "I could find you a husband, a good, kind one, who will treat you right."

  "You'd do that? For me? I'm a servant, you are a princess," Imrie says and I shush her.

  "Why be a princess if I can't use my station for some good?" I say and in my head I'm thinking of the lords who use to roam around court when I was a teenager.

  "All done," Imrie says and I look at myself in the mirror. I look like a Khaleesi. I look perfect.

  "You are a wonder, Imrie," I tell her.

  The door opens and Viserys walks in. He stops short at my appearance.

  "It's too late to change now," he mutters under his breath. "It's time." He reaches out and hooks his arm into the crook of mine.

  "This should be the role of a father," I say as we walk through the corridors which are empty, apart from the guards. A dark part of me wonders if Ser Harwin will see me.

  "I am as good a father as you'll ever get," he replies.

  "You were no father," I say and then I go silent. I don't want to talk to him now. If I'm about to be married off, I don't want to make a bad impression by going in with tears on my face.

  "You'll be happy, with the match," he says and then the doors open, leading to the throne room. People are sat around and they go silent as we walk through.

  My future husband is stood with his back to us. All I see is brown hair. Brown curls. He is dressed as a guard and I realise what Viserys has done. He's marrying me to someone lower then my station. He's trying to humiliate me.

  I send a glare towards Viserys as I reach the front of the room. A mere few metres from the iron throne. When I stop my future husband finally turns to face me. My first thought is: why would Viserys do this?

  ~

  I storm into my bedroom and slam the door behind me. I'm breathing heavily and I'm pacing back and fourth. Why would he does this to me?

  The door opens and Ser Harwin walks in. Or should I call him, my husband. I pause and walk towards him as anger bubbles up inside of me.

  "You need to leave," I say and I point my finger at him because I know he hates that. "I want you to get out."

  "It's been 8 years, Princess," he says and I begin my pacing again. "8 years and you are still acting like a pathetic child."

  "Pathetic child?" I yell. "I hate you, Harwin. I despise you. I cannot stand you. You disgust me. You are a disgrace to this kingdom." Tears are rolling down my face but all I'm bothered about is the look on his face. The softness of his brown eyes. Why must he be so beautiful to look at?

  "I love you," he says evenly and somehow it's the only thing that matters at this moment in time. He walks a step towards me and I step back, out of his reach.

  "I can't-" I say. "8 years ago you took a part of me-"

  "Princess, my hand was forced," he looks exhausted. Why is he exhausted? Why doesn't he sleep? "I never wanted to hurt you. What happened hurt me too! You think I just let Viserys do that? You think I knew?"

  "None of that matters!" I reply. "You let me go alone. That's what matters. We could've been together, we would've been alright because we would've had each other. But you made me go alone. The world isn't kind to 17 year olds girls who are alone."

  "We are married now," he says. I was phased out most of the ceremony. I was just in shock that Viserys would do this to me. "One day I pray you will forgive me and so I will be a devoted husband to you and I will care for you and I promise I won't let you go alone again."

  "You promised that before," I say and I sit on the edge of my bed. "And you broke it. I won't believe anything you say, ever again. I want you to leave."

  "I can't," he says and he shuts the door as he walks further into the room. "We are husband and wife. We must do our duty." I send him a dirty look.

  "I'm not going to let you fuck me," I say as he begins to remove his armour. He doesn't say anything and I watch as he climbs into the other side of the bed wearing an undershirt. I turn my head to look at him.

  "You won't let me fuck you now," he says quietly. "But I promise, eventually you will."

  I turn back around to face the wall. He probably doesn't know that if he had pushed slightly harder tonight I would've fucked him. I'm weak. I was weak when I was 17 and at 25 I'm still weak.