Gold Rush | Ser Harwin

06.

Daerla

  "Can you do it any tighter?" I ask Imrie as she pulls at the strings on the back of my dress.

  "I'm sorry, my princess," she responds and I look in the mirror at my reflection. At the small bump. I know what this means. I've seen this before.

  "I'm pregnant," I sigh before sitting in the armchair by the mirror. "I should go speak to my brother." I should ensure that he won't take away this baby too.

  I stand up and walk out of the bedroom. The halls are empty, except for the guards stationed against the walls. I walk past Ser Harwin and he gives me a knowing smirk. I fight the smile from my lips and look forwards.

  I may have spent several nights with his cock inside of me since. He brings me comfort. When I'm with him I don't feel so alone. He is safe. And I- No. no I don't.

  This baby will change everything. It's the opportunity for a do-over. But how can I do that when I have a baby out there somewhere? It's not fair on my daughter to move on.

  When I reach the kings chambers Lady Alicent walks out with flushed cheeks. I pause and when she sees me she pauses too.

  "What are you doing?" I ask suspiciously. Why would Rhaenyra's best friend be visiting the king?

  "I was just talking with the king," she stutters. "Reading to him." I can't tell if it's a lie. I don't think she'd be able to come up with a lie, she looks too nervous.

  "Go," I say and she runs off down the corridor. I wait a moment before knocking on the kings door.

  "Come in," he shouts and I open the doors before shutting them behind me.

  "Daerla?" He says surprised. "What do you want?"

  "I'm pregnant," I say. No point avoiding the subject. We have no use for false niceties.

  "How grand," he says and maybe I see a genuine smile. I remember us being in this same situation years ago. He wasn't smiling.

  "Where is my daughter?" I say and his smile drops. I know he wasn't expecting me to ask this. He doesn't say anything and I look down at the floor. "I remember the physician ripping her from my body and then you took her and I never saw her. I never got to hold her."

  I remember the joint pain of losing my daughter and the physical pain of a child being ripped from me before she was ready.

  "The girl is happy and healthy," he says evenly. "That should be enough." I shake my head before looking back up to him.

  "Where is she?" I say. "I deserve to know. She is my daughter. She was mine and I want her back."

  "You can't have her back," he says. I think he wants to hurt me. My whole life he has been selfish and cruel.

  "It's funny really," I say and I let out a broken laugh. "This baby I hold in my stomach will be raised in this castle and they will have everything they could ever wish for. And then there's my daughter who has nothing. She is equal to this baby. She shares the exact same blood-"

  "She was a bastard!" He yells and slams his fist down. "Don't you understand! She was a bastard and you were a princess! You were a stupid little girl who had some fun with a guard! A guard-"

  "Who you married me off to!" I yell back. "Why did you do that? To humiliate me? To mock me? You're an asshole. All my life you have treated me like shit, you never got to be my brother because you were too busy trying to my father. You were a terrible father and I deserved better." Tears roll down my face.

  "You're wrong," he shakes his head. "All your life I have tried to protect you. I have loved you more then our parents would have. I married you to see Harwin because you loved him. I've never forgiven myself for exiling you. You didn't deserve it. I wanted to make up for it."

  "Where is my baby?" I whisper and I see his face break.

  "The baby didn't survive," he says and it feels like my heart has been ripped from my chest. I shake my head in denial. "She was dead as soon as she was removed from your stomach. I didn't want you to see. I took her from the room and told you that she had lived and that she had been given to a kind family. I lied. The baby was dead because of me and I realised how badly I had messed up. I was ashamed so I sent you away."

  I grip onto the wall to keep myself upright. I cover my mouth with my hand as I let out choking sobs.

  "You asshole," I say finally. "You selfish asshole." I grab the picture off the wall and slam it down onto the floor. Then I move onto Visery's beloved model. I throw pieces onto the floor so that they smash into tiny pieces.

  "Someone get Ser Harwin!" He yells as I smash things up.

  "Yes, go get your bargaining chip!" I yell. "Did you really think I would forgive you? By marrying me off to Ser Harwin you thought all debts would be forgotten? They are not."

I pull myself together and brush the dust off my dress. I look Viserys in the eyes.

"You are not my brother anymore," I say as Ser Harwin walks in. "Congratulations, Ser Harwin. You're going to be a father." I walk towards him. "Oh and our daughter is dead."

I walk past him, into the corridor. I wait for him to follow but he never does.

I don't know if he knew about our daughter. Maybe he did. I pray he didn't. I pray he was as blindsided as I was. I pray on everything I am.