Gold Rush | Ser Harwin

26.

Daerla

"It's a boy!" The Maister says as he hands me the squealing baby.

"Hello baby," I say as I look down at him. He's perfect. He has Harwin's eyes.

"He has your eyes," Harwin says and I look up at my husband.

"No he has your eyes," I reply.

"Babies eye colours will change-" the maister says.

"We are well aware," I tell him. "We have had 2 children already." The Maister looks embarrassed and goes back to cleaning up.

"He's so perfect," Harwin says. "I am so proud of you. You have made this life a life worth living." He kisses my forehead.

~

"You don't need to worry," Daemos says. "I have Lyrax and Delilah is an excellent fighter."

"It's true," Delilah turns to look at me. "I use to fight fat men in the pits." I raise an eyebrow.

"How lovely," I reply.

"Mama, everything will be alright," Daemos says when he notices how skeptical I look. "We will be safe and I'll be back as soon as the work is done."

"How will you know the work is done?" I ask, he doesn't have a job to do. He is suppose to be the ward to Otto.

"Father will tell me," Daemos says. "I see him, he'll tell me when it's time to go home." I look at the floor. He sees his dead father. That's isn't healthy. I look back up and smile at him.

"You'll write to me," I say. "I don't know what I'll do without you." I'm going to be alone now. It's a strange feeling.

"I'll write everyday," he says. "And you'll be perfectly fine. You were fine when Naerys left. This is no different. We're growing up. It's alright to let us go."

"What if i'm not ready to let you go?" I whisper and instead of replying he just hugs me.

"I love you, mama," he says. "And you don't need me. You don't need anyone. You are stronger then an entire army."

"I love you," I reply and then he steps away and smiles at me. I smile back and I watch as he climbs onto Lyrax. Delilah climbs on behind him and then they fly into the air.

I stand on the bridge until the dragon is out of sight. I stand there until drops of rain fall onto my face. He's gone and now I'm alone again.

~

I spend the next few days in bed. With Andres and Aerlia. My last children. The last remains of my family. Luckily they are too young to feed themselves, let alone consider leaving me. I'll be alright for a few more years.

"Come in," I say when there is a knock on the door. Rhaenyra walks in carrying a letter.

"A letter came, from Daemos," she sits down on the edge of the bed and Aerlia crawls over to give her a hug.

"He kept his promise to write everyday," I smile as I put it on the table beside my bed to read later.

"I came to apologise," Rhaenyra says. "I was cruel the other day. We are both in pain. We have both been in pain for a long while. You are my Aunt and all you have ever done is love me and put me first. You lost your husband and I was too preoccupied with myself."

"You have bigger things to concern yourself with," I reply. "You are the Queen now."

"I am the Queen because my father and your brother is dead," she says and I look at my hands. "We both lost a key figure. I was thinking last night, we have both lost the love of our lives too."

I look up at her and she smiles weakly.

"I loved Isaac so much," she looks down as her eyes begin to water. "For 10 years he was everything. He loved me for me, not because he had too, or because he wanted something. He only wanted me. I can't say the same for any other man in my life. Isaac would've loved me the same if I were a half dead old crow. And he died. Don't get me wrong, I love Daemon. He makes me strong and powerful. But in a way I will always be his way to the throne.

"You married below your rank and you have many happy and content years. You have never cared about any crown. You have always only cared for the people around you and I love you for that. I want you by my side, I want you on my council. And i have been thinking that we should unite us together, once and for all by betrothing Aerlia to Aegon."

I look at Aerlia as soon as she says that. Rhaenyra is holding her in her arms.

"Aerlia would always be protected that way," I say. "She no longer has a father to fight away the monsters." Aerlia smiles back at me. "She deserves to be loved and looked after."

"She still has you," Rhaenyra says as she reaches to hold my hand.

"She will forget Harwin ever existed," I say and then the tears go rolling down my face. "She won't know him. And he will never get to see her grow up. He is gone and I am still here, I am suppose to keep living. Half of me is dead and I don't want to live without it."

"You don't mean that," Rhaenyra says.

"Live feels meaningless and hollow," i explain. "And I don't want to do it anymore."

"I need you," Rhaenyra says. "You were my mothers best friend, you were my fathers sister. You have been a mother and a sister to me and I need you still. Don't give up. You are the only one I trust so please don't leave me alone."

I look away for a moment, towards the window.

"Aegon and Aerlia should be betrothed," I say. "To secure her future."

~

  A few days later we are all gathered around the meeting table when a message comes through. Daemon reads it before walking to Rhaenyra.

  Everyone watches as Daemon whispers to her. She turns around and clutches her stomach. Something terrible has happened.

  "Lucerys Velaryon has been murdered by Aemond Targaryen," Daemon says as Rhaenyra turns back to face us with a tear running down her face.

  How much more can Aemond take from us?