Gold Rush | Ser Harwin

13.

Harwin

  Something bad is going to happen, Isaac is looking at Ser Criston as though he's picturing crushing him. Ser Criston enjoys riling up my brother. Ser Criston is an asshole.

  I'm stood to the side, watching as the children practise sparring. Ser Criston favours the Targaryen children, of course he does. He's the queens lap dog, of course he'd favour her children.

  Naerys is able to fight his own battles, but Isaac's sons are too young. It's meant to be a secret that the boys are Isaac's. But Daerla tells me everything and she told me as soon as Rhaenyra and Isaac started sleeping together, almost 10 years ago.

  Daerla use to tell me everything. She's been avoiding me for the past few days. I never meant to hurt her, she just doesn't seem to understand that. I'm giving her time, I don't want to push her. She's fragile and I'm afraid that if I push her then she'll break. She isn't healed. Her childhood has messed her up, adding on our daughters death and her best friends death, she is a sinking ship.

  Luckily, our children seem to be her anchor. She devotes her time to them. She is the best mother they could possibly ask for.

I instinctively glance up towards the window and I see Daerla watching me. She instantly walks away as soon as she sees I've noticed.

  Suddenly Isaac is punching Ser Criston over and over. I'm instantly running over and pulling him away.

"No, Isaac," I say as I drag him off. "Think with your head, idiot."

~

"I'm jealous of you," Isaac says as we sit in his chambers. He's fiddling with a string bracelet. "You got the girl you loved and you got the family. You can love your children in plain sight."

He wipes tears off his face, I've never seen my brother cry. We were taught that as children it's not manly to cry but here is Isaac with tears running down his face.

"I don't care about it, I knew what I was agreeing too," he says. "But it's so hard. It's so hard. All I want is Rhaenyra and the boys. That's all I want. Father is sending me back to Harrenhal. He wants me to stop shaking the family and I want to protect my boys. I want to protect Rhaenyra."

"I'll come with you," I reply. He's my brother, I'll miss having him around.

"Thank you, brother," he replies and I put my hand on his back.

"One day, in a few years, the boys can go to you," I say. "Rhaenyra could go to you." He nods as I stand up. "I'll go tell my wife."

As I'm walking out I decide that this is what's best. Maybe Daerla and I need some time apart. Absent supposedly makes the heart fonder. What's the point in me staying around if she won't listen to me?

When I enter the bedroom I find it empty, the bed cleanly made. I go into the nursery where I find her with Rhaenyra. The pair of them are sat there having a gossip session.

"May I speak to my wife," I say and Rhaenyra stands up and whispers something to Daerla before leaving silently. Daerla stands up and turns to look out the window.

"I don't care," she says. "Whatever you want to say, I don't want to hear it."

"I'm going to Harrenhal," I say and she pauses before turning round to face me. "I'll escort my brother and father."

"You're leaving me?" She says and my heart melts. She doesn't understand the affect she has on me. Her eyes are wide and watery. She's hurting.

"No," I reply as I walk towards her. "I would never leave you." I reach for her hand but she moves away.

"Then why are you leaving?" She says and her eyes meet mine, the dark brown shining up at me.

"My brother needs me," I say and she turns around again, covering her face.

"I want you to stay," she says after a few moments.

"I'll only be a few weeks," I begin as she spins around and grabs onto my collar.

"Don't go," she cries as she rests her head on me and bursts into tears. "Please don't leave me, please, please. I can't lose you, not even just for a few weeks."

"My darling-" I begin but she looks up at me.

"I'm pregnant," she says. "I've been so mad at you that I didn't want to tell you. And I kept it from you because I didn't think you loved me, but I want you back, I don't want you to go and I don't want to be alone."

"You're having another baby?" I say and I can't believe I'm saying the words. It's been 5 years since Daemos was born and I've missed having a baby. I've missed feeling so close to her.

I place my hand on my stomach and I feel it slightly rounded. I pull her in and kiss her on the top of my head.

"I noticed you," I whisper. "You were a lonely little girl and I noticed you. My father saw and he paid me to seduce you. So I did. Then you came to me that night and I knew I loved you. There was never any act for me, I have always loved you and I will always love you. Everything I do, I do for you. So I'll stay, I'll stay here with you."

I hear a sob come out as she cries into my shirt. She's relieved. I don't know if she's forgiven me but it's enough to know that she is letting me hold her. She is being close to me again and I can smell her and I feel so happy to be near her.

"You make everything better," she whispers and I pull her in tighter, keeping us close together. We'll be ok. We'll be alright. I know it. We always are.