Gold Rush | Ser Harwin

25.

Daerla

"I don't like it here," I say to Viserys as we walk through the castle. "It smells weird."

"I'm sorry, Daerla," my older brother says. "But this is where all the Kings of Westeros live."

"What about the Queens?" I've always wondered why there has never been a Queen. I think they would do a better job than the men.

"There has never been a Queen," Viserys explains.

"Will there ever be?" I ask.

"I don't know," Viserys says.

~

Thinking back to that conversation with Viserys, all those years ago, I realise that the chances of there being a Queen have greatly increased.

Many Lords have already pledged their allegiance to Rhaenyra. The people must understand that Aegon is not the true king. He is a mockery, a fool. He won't be a good King because he does not deserve it.

Rhaenyra will be a good Queen. This I know. She is a fair and just woman who puts others before herself. She is everything Aegon is not.

Everyone is pushing for Rhaenyra to plunge into war. But she is withholding, she is a strong woman. She is everything we need in a Queen.

  As we gather round the table Daemos stands beside me. He's still young but he tries to help as much as he can. He's just turned 16 and I'm still trying to understand how my little boy is quickly becoming a man.

  "Otto Hightower wishes to negotiate peace," Daemon explains. Rhaenyra isn't here right now. She was having pregnancy pains this morning, her baby is on it's way.

  "Will he come here?" I ask Daemon as he reads through the scroll again.

  "No," he says finally. "He also wishes to offer his apology on the death of Ser Harwin." I flinch. Why would Otto Hightower do that?

  "Is he joking?" I scoff. "In what world would I except an apology?"

  "Actually," Daemon begins. "He wishes to offer his apology personally to Daemos." I look at my son. "He says he lost his father when he was Daemos' age and that he wants to help. He wants Daemos to be his ward."

  "Absolutely not," I say and Daemos puts his hand on my shoulder.

  "Mama," my boy says. "If I go then maybe I can help. Maybe I can do something. Let me do something. I want to fight for Rhaenyra and I want to fight for you Mama." I put my hand on his cheek.

  "My boy," I whisper. "You are still young. I don't want you going alone. And I can't go back there. I can't do that."

  "I'll go," a girl steps forwards. I've never seen this girl before. Am I so lost in my grief that I don't see the people around me?

  "Who are you?" I ask and the girl smiles softly at me.

"Lady Delilah of House Haye," she says.

"I've never heard of House Haye," I say. It's true. As a child I had to learn all the names of the houses. And House Haye was not one of them.

"I'm from across the narrow sea," she says. "Pentos." She's not lying. I travelled through Pentos in my youth. I knew Lord Haye.

"Why do you want to go to Kings Landing?" I ask Delilah. Why would a woman such as she, want to go to Kings Landing?

"I-" She spares a glance at Daemos and I instantly understand.

"I see," I say as I look between them. "I'll think about it." I leave it at that as I walk out.

As I enter the hallway Daemos shouts for me.

"Mama," he says. "I will be safe with Delilah. She is an excellent warrior. And we get along very well so I will be very content." I look at the floor.

"I just want you safe," I say. "You have looked after me well these past few weeks. You have put me first." I look at my boy. He looks so much like Harwin. Sometimes it physically pains me to look at him.

"This is your life," I say and I force a smile. "You must decide what to do. If you want to go to Kings Landing then you should."

"I love you, Mama," Daemos says before flinging his arms around me. "We will all be together again one day, i promise." He runs off down the hallway and I'm left alone.

I stand there for a moment. I feel like everyone is slipping away. What happened to my family? And how can I get them back?

At that moment I hear Rhaenyra scream. I'm instantly going to her. She's my niece. If her childbirth is painful then I want to be there for her.

"Rhaenyra," I pause. She's sat cradling her baby. Her dead baby. I stumble slightly as a hand goes up to cover my mouth. "Oh Rhaenyra."

I walk over and kneel before her. She doesn't look at me. She only looks at the baby.

"Rhaenyra," I whisper. "I'm so sorry." I don't know what else to say. What do you say to someone who's baby is dead? What did they say to me when my baby supposedly died?

"I know what you're feeling." I say and then I instantly regret it. Why would I be selfish and talk about myself at a time like this? I'm so selfish. I've always been selfish.

"No you don't!" Rhaenyra says and then she looks up at me. "Your baby lived but you were too much of a fool to notice and then she grew up and murdered your husband. All because of you. So you don't know what I'm feeling."

I stand up. She's right. Of course she is. It was my fault.

I walk out. I'm no help here. In fact I'm no help anywhere. This world is growing tired of me.