🔞5EX: SUSTAINED OBLITERATION🔞

Karma

We all just stare at one another for what feels like forever but is infact only ten seconds or so, Yanni bubbling beside me with anger, squeezing my hand so hard I yelp.

"I'm pleased to see you are still enjoying a little pain Dolly!" Harry says, winking at me as he does.

"Don't fucking call her that you Prick!" Yanni growls, leaning forward across the table, fists clenched so tightly his knuckles are white.

"Down boy!" Harry goads, poking out his tongue and panting like a dog in an attempt to elicit a response from Yanni which I am quick to realise, and negate by asking Yanni to go and get us some drinks.
He seems surprised by this request but begins to rise from his seat as Harry chuckles and remarks at how well I have my dog trained!
Yanni moves rapidly, lunging across the table, presumably to inflict harm on Harry, but I hold him back and beg him not to give him the satisfaction. Yanni backs down and kisses me before heading to the concessionary to get drinks, swapping a few words with one of the officers as he passes by.

"Alone at last. Now Sydney, isn't this nice, just a husband and wife conversing together" Harry smiles smugly, leaning back into his chair, arms folded across his chest, legs stretched out under the table, the epitome of 'at home'.
I choose to ignore the comment about us being married which I know is designed to get a rise from me and just study his face. Being this close to him is giving me chills, my palms are sweating and my empty stomach feels as though it is being squeezed like a set of bagpipes!

He is smiling but the sparkle is gone from his eyes, he has definitely lost weight and his skin is very pale. He has a few days worth of stubble on his chin only, he never could grow a beard.
It doesn't suit him.
My gaze travels downward. The white round neck T-shirt he has on is hanging from his frame and has a stain on the upper right chest. He clears his throat and I look up to find his eyes darting around the room. He realises he's caught and attempts to cover, that trademark smirk on his face.

"Still got it!" he winks, then continues.....

"You'll always be mine Sydney. Forever. Always. Divorce papers, prison walls......... wet lettuce boyfriends...... none of that matters. You will always belong to me!" he shrugs, frowning in Yannis direction.

I realise at that moment that I am free already, for all the reasons he just cited, but also emotionally.
Seeing him here, unkempt and scruffy, dressed in sweatpants and trainers which is something he would never willingly wear, pale and drawn I see him clearly for the first time in my life. I know he's a narcissist, evil and shallow but I now notice the weakness.
The self protective position of his body, arms now crossed over his torso. He is attempting to appear calm, relaxed and in control but the rhythmic tapping of his foot under the table, lip chewing and hypersensitivity to all around prove he is just a bully out of his depth. No longer the 'Big Fish in the small pond', but rather a lone minnow in the Pacific Ocean!
The insecurity is obvious now. His dislike of all other men, his possessiveness, vicious mind and slimy charisma all evidence of an emotionally underdeveloped, timorous, stunted personality.

Someone who should be pitied!

Holding his gaze makes me feel powerful. I usually cannot bear to look at him, but I'm filled with a surge of confidence after my realisation.
I am stronger than he will ever be. My whole life has been a fight but I'm still here kicking!
I have survived a brain injury, being brought up by a drug dependent, broken woman and her emotionally distant enabler.
I have grown under the weight of the guilt I was forced to carry about baby Dolly's death, seen a good friend pushed to the brink of despair and succumb to the darkness, choosing to end his life.
I have survived mental illness, prison, kidnapping, rape and torture.