🔞5EX: SUSTAINED OBLITERATION🔞

Ceremony

Syd POV

I walk down the aisle arm in arm with my escort Jimmi, who looks resplendent in a stunning black three piece suit,  a pink silk tie secured in a Double Windsor knot resting perfectly beneath his sharp and masculine jawline. My beautiful dress is trailing behind me, the hand tied bouquet of all white peonies and orchids the most perfect and fragrant arrangement I've ever seen.
I can see Yanni ahead of me, and to still my nerves I focus only on his face. He is standing beside Noah and they both look stunningly handsome in their matching suits. They both look incredibly nervous too!

I look over my shoulder at Laura who looks phenomenal in her own stunning gown, her gorgeous flowers so similar to mine trailing down the front of her lace clad figure. Her escort is Vinni who also looks amazing in his suit which matches with all the other men in the wedding party, except they all have slightly different neckwear, his being a pink and ivory polka dot bow tie. He looks incredible, the smile that we have seen on his face more and more in recent months lighting up his face. I have found it easier and easier to distinguish between the brothers over the previous months, to the point where now I can tell them apart from behind as their posture is different, in the dark just by listening to them breathe, and also strangely by the shape of their ears, Yanni having free earlobes, Vinni's attached. Today however he looks so much like Yanni that I'm grateful that my mans hair is that striking platinum blonde, and that he is wearing a cravat rather than a tie like his twin.

The entry music fades as we all take our places before the celebrant who will conduct the ceremony, an elegant and statuesque woman with an incredibly serene smile and calming aura named Gloria.
My focus is of course on Yanni. I cannot believe how fortunate I am to have him as mine. He is my everything. My comfort, my joy, my reason for being. He is the most encouraging, loving and supportive man I have ever known, and I am the most fortunate woman on the planet to have him love me.

He sends me a wink, followed by a smile that illuminates his face, and weakens my knees. Gloria begins to speak, welcoming everyone to this celebration of love and commitment. I send Yanni a kiss and transfer my attention to Gloria who is talking of partnership and support.

"These two people met in unusual circumstances and have endured some traumatic situations together, supported one another through them, and have found love, the most precious of all gifts available to humankind.
Today we celebrate them and their commitment to each other........"

I zone out and therefore lose track of what Gloria is saying as my eyes are drawn across to Laura, trying to catch her eye, for support purposes of course, but she is captivated by Gloria's words and I realise I should be too, so turn my attention back to her and listen.

"....... so now we come to the exchanging of vows, written  especially for this occasion. I'll hand you over to the bride"

She turns and smiles and I gulp, the enormity of this moment hitting me like a truck.
I automatically begin mouthing the words Laura and I had spent three months working so hard on. They kept me up at night writing or rewriting them, or worrying about my choice of language, content and candour. How much should be shared with others, what should remain private? How much of what is shared during this service will end up in the press, potentially causing difficulties for one or all of us?
This process confirmed that I am a perfectionist as accused, and due to the number of times I read and reread them, they are burned into my memory. I didn't however, realise I was so concerned with the feelings of others and saying 'the right things' to pacify them, whilst neglecting to care for my own needs and desires.
Writing heartfelt and honest vows, potentially exposing vulnerabilities and insecurities has had me tossing and turning for weeks. I want to please everyone.

That was another 'Ah-ha' moment. I really felt that my need to please was as a result of Harrys treatment of me, but I now recognise that I've been that way my whole life. Whether it be excelling in school, having an amazing career with a great salary and my own home to make my parents proud, going to Karaoke bars with Laura which I despise but endure for her as she loves them, or helping colleagues with research, I've always wanted to please others.
I've always loved writing and totally tooting my own horn here, I am damn good at it too! It is the one element of myself that I do believe in.
It was my saving grace as I grew up. I began writing a journal whilst recovering from my head injury, well, that's what I called it but due to my young age was in actual fact a drawing pad!
I filled many pads over the months with at least one new picture every day, but often many more than that. I spilled my feelings onto those pages. I still look at them to this day, and am immediately transported back to the time they were created. The reawakening of feelings I had whilst drawing them hitting me hard every time I do. Words were soon added to the pictures as I learned to read and write with my Dad to fill the endless days in bed. As I aged the number of pictures decreased, eventually vanishing completely when I was around 9 years old and my love of the written word as a means of expression took hold. I wrote down EVERYTHING! Reams of evidence that I have always done everything in my power to be the best, to impress others, always feeling 'less' than my peers in every way possible. Less smart, less successful, less attractive, less desirable....... just, less.

My talent as a writer is somewhat wasted on reporting 'Celeb goss', so I've been writing articles that are somewhat more impactful, exposing those in show business who aim to manipulate, hurt or degrade others, for gain or otherwise.
A subconscious effort maybe, since I found out that baby Dolly died to assuage the guilt I feel over it, prove to the universe that I am worthy of happiness, of success, of life! 
The pages of those journals are THICK with a guilt and sadness so strong, I swear I can smell it whenever I open up the pages to read!
I have so much emotional baggage to unpack. Me and Dr Daisy are going to be busy for a long time! I turn and look back at the guests and spot her there, three rows back, stunning in a wide brimmed, blush pink fascinator as per the request in the invite. Men in pink neckwear, women in pink hats or fascinators. What the bride wants she gets, right!?
I smile at her and she sends me a cute finger heart which becomes a thumbs up, then morphs into a gesture suggesting I turn back around which I do.

How is that possible?
I have been off down memory lane but this whole time I've been reciting those vows that it is so important I have got right.
The last sentence just being spoken as I again become present in proceedings. I'm so glad the ceremony is being recorded, I don't think I'll remember much of it at all!

"You will never be my best friend, I already have one of those, but you will always be my great love"

Laura looks at me with a wink at the part about best friends and I smile. I am that to her, and she is that to me. Simple!
Supportive, steadying, safe and strong, we face life together.
I love her so much!

Gloria has now directed everyone to hear the Grooms words and my ears prick up. I am fully present now!
Transfixed by his face, contorted into a mask of immense fear and diffidence. He swallows deeply and clears his throat before attempting to speak, but no words come out. He is handed a hip flask by his ever so prepared Best-man, and after a quick swig followed by a whistle and a very hoarse "Bloody hell that's strong! Oh Jesus, I'm sorry! Oh God......"

Best-man to the rescue again, this time by taking his friends hand and squeezing, endowing his charge with the confidence to continue, as Gloria leans forward conspiratorially and reassuring him that it was ok...... we aren't in a Church. Nobody will be bursting into flames today!
There is a ripple of laughter, which seems to have the desired effect, and he begins to speak again, this time clearly and eloquently, utterly mesmerising in his delivery, and incontestably deeply in love, his affection palpable.
Rings are exchanged, some promises made and then Gloria  is speaking again.

I'm overwhelmed with emotion and tears begin to slide down my face as she announces......

"It is with great pleasure that I introduce you all for the first time, to Mr and Mrs Cooper! Sir, you may kiss your bride"

The kiss is chaste but the smiles are celestial.

MY BEST FRIEND AND NOAH ARE MARRIED!!