🔞5EX: SUSTAINED OBLITERATION🔞

Are you ready?

I return to the house we are renting around 7pm, quite tipsy after the three double whiskeys I had while with Roni, desperate to see Yanni and feeling more hopeful and happy than I have for a very long time.
I key the passcode into the door and head inside, calling out a hello as I go but hearing nothing.
I check all the rooms on the ground floor then head to the basement chill out room calling again as I go. Still nothing.
Looks as if I'm the only one here for now.
I pour myself another drink at the small bar and relax back onto the massive leather couch, allowing myself to appreciate the peace knowing that it could be broken at any second.
As if on cue my phone rings and I chuckle at the timing as I read the caller display.

It's Yanni!!

I can't wait to see him! I hope he's calling to say they're almost back. I accept the call with a smile on my face, the trace of a laugh still in my voice as I answer.

"Daddy!!!" I purr, alluding to our incredible shower together, and also to his appreciation of my story, then burst into fits of giggles at his stunned silence.

"I'm waiting at the house for you, all alone. I'm just about to undress and have a relaxing bath, using my favourite scented body wash on my...."

I'm cut off before I can continue, Yannis tense and distressed voice sobering me immediately. I sit down and wait for it.
I don't know what 'it' is going to be, but hearing his tone tells me it isn't good news. Of course not, this day has been too good already.

"I'm at the hospital Syd! It's Weeze, she..... erm..... she collapsed as we were leaving our last event of the day. She fell so fast Syd, nobody was close enough to her. We couldn't catch her in time! It's bad Syd. Can you come?" He pleads, his voice strangled and tear filled. My heart aches and I want to be with him, to support and comfort him.

"Just tell me which hospital Yanni!" I reply, already closing the front door behind me. I hail a cab, thankfully simple in this part of London, giving the driver the name of the hospital.

"I'm on my way Yanni, driver thinks we'll be around 20 minutes at this time of night. Please wait for me, I'm coming to you, ok?! Take deep breaths and try to calm down, that won't help Weeze will it. Go and buy us a coffee and I'll meet you in the lobby when I arrive. Yanni...... I love you." I tell him, hoping to lift him a little as I hang up.

He is waiting on a bench outside the building with two coffee cups in his hands as I approach him from the drop off point. His head hung low he looks dejected, devastated. Broken!
I call his name from a short distance to alert him to my presence so I don't startle him at the last moment.
He looks up and the mask of composure I'm sure he has been working on for the last 15 minutes slips and wracking sobs overwhelm his body, his shoulders shaking heavily as he places the cups down either side of himself and leaps up into my arms, wrapping himself around me tightly.
I gently soothe him, running one hand up and down his back, the other lightly scratching the nape of his neck.

"What happened Yanni? What's going on? How's Weeze?" I ask my questions softly in an attempt to draw him out of his misery but I only succeed in causing them to become louder.

Whatever is wrong, is very wrong. I've never seen him this upset.
I wonder at that very moment if Yanni has realised he does actually love Eloise?!
Has he realised, now that something is clearly very wrong with her, how much she means to him?
I feel as though I've been kicked by a mule, my stomach clenching at the thought that maybe he won't want me now after having such an epiphany.
I swallow down the bitter thoughts and remind myself that Eloise is head over heels for Vinni......... but that doesn't mean that Yanni doesn't harbour feelings for her.
Maybe my trauma is still affecting me after all?!

Shaking my head to empty it of those unwelcome images I pull away from him slightly and lift his chin, kissing him gently and smiling encouragingly when he opens his eyes and looks at me.
He holds my head and scans my face for a few seconds, as if he'd never seen me before, then pulls me into an embrace so crushing I feel my ribs might break. I cannot breathe or move as he kisses my neck before quickly relaxing his hold on me and placing his lips on mine with an intensity I've never felt.
I feel as if he is pouring his soul and all his love for me inside my body.
I know without doubt at this moment that I will never again doubt that he loves me!

"I love you so much Syd! So fucking much. I can't imagine my life without you in it. I admire you, I'm awed by you, I crave and want to protect you. You are the strongest person I've ever met, have an incredible spirit, a huge heart and zero ego!
Syd, for me you are perfect! I want you forever, I love you so much. Are you ready to marry me yet?" He finishes, breathless after his lengthy confession.

Words momentarily fail me at the look on his face as he asks me his question. A combination of anxiety and hope, his eyes pleading with me that he's done enough to prove himself to me, that I finally see the depths of his feelings and accept them.

I do!

I see how incredible he is, how thoughtful, protective and encouraging, how complimentary, generous and supportive, but still I wonder if I am good enough for him. If I am even the 'real me' yet, and If marriage will change our relationship.

I guess there's only one way to know for sure.

"I am Yanni........ I really am!" I reply softly, kissing his smile with one of my own.