Seasons

'68 Fastback

"Mmm Jason are you sure?" Saige looked at me I wanted to cry 

'Yes I miss you" I kissed her again she leaned back on the bed so she was laying down I climbed over her small frame 

"You will hate me after this" she slid my shirt over my head throwing  it somewhere 

"Probably" 

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I woke up the room was dimly lit, I looked over at Jason who was still asleep. I walked down the stairs onto the kitchen Ava was asleep on the couch 

"Is he asleep?" she asked 

"Yes i'm sorry if we woke you"

"It's ok, he is good in bed huh" she laughed trying to break some of the ice 

"Yeah, let me guess you where his first"

"yes I was"

"well I need to go" I said as I grabbed my bag I had left at the door 

"Oh ok, well no hard felling between us right" Ava got up from the couch 

"No" I gave her a hug she hugged me back

"I know you will take care of him but please really do take care of him" 

"I promise I will he is on good hands"

"Oh trust me I know" we laughed I took a deep breath before I stepped out the front door.

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I took a deep breath the house was silent I walked up the wooden stairs and peeked my head in his bedroom door he was crying  

"Jason?"

"OUT!" he snapped at me in a harsh tone. I backed away from him and closed the door but sat with my back against the wall in the hallway. I could hear him cry he was crying harder than I have ever heard him cry. Hours passed and he was silent I peaked my head into the doorway he was passed out on his bed I walked in and covered him with a blanket I watched as he took nice slow deep breaths It made me sad to see him like this. . I looked at the bathroom I didn't want to look through his stuff but I feel that I should he has always turned to drugs when he is the fucked up looked through all his cabinets and found his stash of Oxycodone I looked at him and back to the bottle.

I woke up alone and rubbed my eyes at the thought of Saige leaving... again why, just why did she come back? I dragged myself down the stairs the house was cold and dark I looked at the window at the snow that was falling.

 I felt rested but tired at the same time not so much physically but mentally. The door opened and in walked Ava holding two coffee's

"Here you go, you still like it without cream right?"

"Yeah thx" I took the cup she was holding out

"Do you wanna come outside with me, the fresh air will do you some good" 

"No imma go back to bed" my voice cracked I can't even look at her without wanting to cry. I turned my back to her

"You can't hide from your emotions forever they will ruin you"

"You don't fucking get it do you? You will never understand what shit I go through everyday it's hard for me to have energy to get trough a day because of how emotional drained I am! None of the meds I have tried works and if they do they have horrible side effects. Is easier for me to push my pain aside" I stormed back up the stairs slamming my door...again I looked through my cabinet for my pills .They were not where I left them but I should of hid them better, I ripped through the cabinet 

"Fuck!" I slammed the medicine cabinet door cracking the mirror front

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I sat at the kitchen table I could hear Jason yell and glass breaking I knew what he was looking for not that it would matter if he never found the pills he has alcohol bottles hid all over this house

"WHAT DID YOU TAKE OUT OF MY CABINET!" he came barreling down the stairs face red eyes like daggers pricing right through your soul. For the first time he actually scared me he always had held his temper around but there is a first time for everything, I stood there frozen

"Ava what did you take god damnit" he came closer to me I took a shaky breath

"Here" I handed him the bottle hand shaking, he grabbed them and turned to walk back up the stairs

"You are going to die one of these days"

"We all die eventually" he turned to me open the bottle and took one with a swig of coffee

"How long Jason?"

"Three months"   We looked at each other as he turned and walked back up the stairs 

I sat there shaking my head. How did I not notice he was using? He has got better at hiding it I guess. I wondered where his sister was hiding out. She has not been home since the funeral. I ran my fingers through my hair I have no clue what to do it was easy in highschool it was weed and alcohol it's so much more now, I always knew how to calm him we would sit and talk for hours and he would feel better.

 I wandered over to the fridge and poured myself a glass of red wine I hardly ever drink. All of this has taken a toll on me i still have not healed from Jason hurting me the way he did when he met Saige I have always loved him no matter what I have never told him any of this although I know he knows he hurt me and he beats himself up over it and he doesn't need my feelings on top of everything he is already feeling.