Seasons

Funeral For Two

I stood there in the dim light of the kitchen. Jason's words played back through my mind. He didn't even know why I actually came and I don't know how he will take the news that I have come here to help his sister break. He is so very unstable right now and I don't need him trying to kill himself again I can't even go through that again. I walked back up the stairs and sat by his bedroom door i could hear the slight sniffles and the liquid in the bottle move when he would take a sip I hated Saige with a passion but I do wonder what she is going through, I knew I had a lot of healing to do after all the damage Jason caused me when he ran off with her after 4 years of him and I loving each other.

The next morning

"Jason will you please come down here" my sister yelled

'Yeah" I finished bruising my teeth and dragged my feet down the stairs i knew something was wrong buy the way Ava and Delanie where seated, I took a seat and tried to dissociate myself for whatever news they would tell me to help ease the pain of whatever it may be.

"Jason? dad is dead!" Delanie cried as I looked up at her

"Why the fuck are you crying?" I yelled. "Do you know what he even did? He beat mom and he beat me I tuned to Ava, she sat across from me next to my sister

I looked at Ava "Did you know he was dying and that he is now dead? Is that why you came all the way to Nebraska?" I asked she looked at me then at the floor

"I fucking knew it!" I stomped up the stairs, slamming my bedroom door. I burst into tears. I felt angry but also sad. When I was young, he wasn't as bad. I worried I was going to end up just like him. I have his anger and temper. When I drink I drink to get drunk. Just like my father.

"Fuck!"I yelled, as I threw a empty glass at the wall. I collected myself enough to go back down stairs. As soon as I opened the door, I heard Ava and Delanie stop talking. I walked past them,. I grabbed a bourbon bottle and headed back toward the stairs

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Delanie grabbed my arm

"Let go!"

"No you always say you don't wanna end up like dad but here you are once again"

"Get off me!" I shoved past her and went back up to my room I locked my door I stared at the bottle before cracking the seal

"This one's for you Dad. Oh and Saige because you left me. Left me for this very reason." I shrugged as tears rolled onto my cheek and took a sip feeling it burn all the way down.

I could hear my sister and Ava talking I sat down on top of the stairs to hear the conversation.

"Go talk to him" Delanie said

"He has always loved you Ava even when he was dating Saige. Jason is hurting not only from Saige leaving her but also because of our dad"

"Fine" Ava answered and walked up the stairs

I ran back into my room and shut the door.

Ava opened the door, I was sitting with my back against the wall. The bottle was next to me half empty. She sat down next to me. I looked with her with tears in my eyes "Why does everyone leave me!"

"His funeral is tomorrow" she said.

"Great" I responded, taking another sip.

###############

I woke up on the bathroom floor and saw Ava as asleep on my bed, I stood up feeling like shit. I walked down stairs and saw that Delanie was already awake, she sat watching the snowfall outside the living room window

"What time is the funeral?" I asked

'Noon"she said . I went back up stairs and got into the shower. The rest of the bottle was on the floor. It was very tempting I caved in and finished the bottle. Hours passed, I sat on the couch while the girls got ready. I still didn't know what to feel and that pissed me off. I wasn't sure why but it did. We all got into my car Delanie drove since she knew I was drunk. When we arrived to the funeral home I was surprised to see how much of our family actually came we walked to the doors I stopped.

"I will be in there," Ava said as she walked away. I turned around and felt for the shooters in my pockets. I shook my head and chucked them across the parking lot. expect for one. I can't stay like I wished I done this before Saige left me I loved her so much and I understand why she left I would of left me too. I took a breath and walked in. None of this felt real. I don't know if it was the alcohol or I was in shock I sat through the service in anger while people said nice things about him. There is nothing nice about him! But of course they don't know that the service came to an end. I waited until everyone said one last goodbye.I stood there over his open casket still not knowing how I felt considering everything he had done to me, I smiled when I thought of my mother. I can still hear her voice saying you are like the younger version of your dad. You two look so much alike and we do look alike. I hate him but another part of me is saying to forgive him I knew at this moment looking at him laying here dead at 57 If I don't clean up my act and  stop drinking and doing drugs my sister and friends will be lowering 6 feet under even younger than my dad is.

"I forgive you dad," I touched his hand the same hands that have beaten me and have drawn blood from my face

"I wouldn't be as strong and be able to get through things if you didn't make me a tough son of a bitch beating me wasn't ok but now I know that I made it through that I can make it through life's toughest moments. I will clean up my act and do right by my wife and kids someday. I think Ava is the one after all I knew you told me she was but I thought you were drunk and just saying shit" I placed a shot of whisky in his jacket pocket and walked away. As I walked away tears burned my face I felt suffocated.  I shoved past Ava and walked over to where I threw the shooters and picked them out of the dirt and drank all three of them

"Jason!" I turned around only to be meet by Saige her blonde hair done in a low bun and her makeup put on very light I placed my hand on her cheeks and looked into her eyes.

I stood there watching Jason and Saige across the parking lot tears filled my eyes I took a breath to collect myself and walked with his sister.

Back at the house

"So why did you come back" I asked Saige

"To make sure you are ok" she placed her hand on my shoulder and all the tears and emotion I had been holding came out in full force.

"Its ok, I know baby" I hid my face into her shirt breathing in her scent

"I came her to make amends with you and apologize for how I acted" I looked up at her shaking my head

"Do you know how much our breakup hurts me why the hell would you come back?'

"I came back to tell you that I know how much you love Ava" I was taken back

"WHAT?"

"I know you lover her and you always have so please don't fuck it up she is downstairs and we have made up. She is what you need in a person I could never get through to you like she can"

I had no words to say after hearing that form her mouth, she was right but right now all I wanted was her I spent 3 years of my life with her she knows most of my deepest, darkest feelings,thoughts. She has seen me in every aspect of my life happy sad heathy and sick. Ava has too but I feel closer and safer with Saige.

"Jason?" she said I snapped back into reality I leaned in and kissed her to my surprise she kissed me back