not from here - mid90s

eleven.

"He can do whatever he wants, I don't care."

They were together skating for the first time since the party. Both Isabella and Fuckshit had been distant, ignoring each other and being distant with the rest of the group. Everyone could tell that something had happened but nobody said anything. She blew out some smoke and then tapped her cigarette.

"He hasn't been answering my calls, I can barely get in touch with him." Ray replied, sitting up straight. They were at the school sitting on a bench looking at the others skating. Her eyes glanced over to look at Fuckshit. No smiles and no laughing, he was not his usual self.

"You have been distant too, you know." Isabella hadn't told anyone yet but she had been seeing Nick to buy more pills.

"I know. I'm working on it." She had started spending more time at Nick's place. He was always happy to see her and treated her well. Isa could tell that he liked her but she didn't think about it much.

"I gotta go though..." she said standing up.

"Where?" She ignored his question and yelled to the others that she was leaving. Everyone skated up to them by the bench to say goodbye, eventually even Fuckshit appeared but he didn't look at her.

"I'll come to Motors later." Isabella promised them.

//

She knocked on his door and Nick opened it with a smile.

"Miss me already?" He teased and stepped to the side to let her inside. He was a little older than her and had his own apartment downtown. It was nothing fancy and it looked like a true bachelor's pad.

"Yeah well... I'm out."

"Damn, you're quickly becoming my best customer." 

"You got any xans? Or benzos?" She asked and sat down on his couch while he went to go through his stash. 

"Xans, they're cheaper. 20 for them." Nick threw the bag of pills in her lap. She left the cash on the coffee table and then swallowed two pills dry. Then she moved over to his liquor cabinet and inspected the bottles inside.

"Are we hanging out or what?" She asked with a smile as she held up a bottle of tequila. His smile widened and he nodded. Isa took a sip and then moved over to his stereo, pressing the play button. Not caring what music came out, she just wanted something in the background. It made her forget about Fuckshit. She passed him the bottle and sat down again, Nick sat down next to her.

"So you hang out with those guys huh?" He asked.

"Yeah, why?" 

"I used to be friends with Ray and fuckshit when we were younger." Isabella watched him closely and he took a sip from the bottle.

"Why not anymore?"

"We grew apart." 

"You with one of them?" Nick's question caught her off guard but she shook her head. She wanted the pills to start working. 

"Nah, I'm not."

"Their loss."

"Why? You interested?" she teased.

"How could I not be?"

He handed her the bottle and she took a sip once again. There was silence between them for a moment when they just looked at each other. Nick leaned closer slowly until their lips met, tongues quickly started moving together and he pulled her closer. She got lost in the moment, which meant the xans had started to set in. When she pulled away and opened her eyes she saw Fuckshit. she shut her eyes hard to get his face out of his head. When she opened them again, Nick was there again and she was back to reality.

"You good?" He asked.

"Yeah yeah, I'm fine..." She turned to look down at her watch, time had gone by faster than she had realized and she had promised the guys she was going to motors.

"Oh shit, I need to go." She took her bag of pills and got up from the couch.

"Leaving already?"

He walked her to the door but didn't let her go until he placed a kiss on her lips. Nick was a good looking guy but she felt nothing for him romantically. Her heart thought about another. On the way back to Motors she took another pill as the effect started to wear off.

She greeted the boys at Motors and sat down next to Fourthgrade. Fuckshit wasn't there. Isa wasn't surprised but she was relieved. Ray had a movie he wanted to show, he had bought it at a yard sale a while back.

"Ray, I got that 20 bucks I owe you." Isabella said, fishing out the money from her pocket. As she did so, the bag of pills fell on the couch. She was quick to grab them and it seemed like no one had seen it. It seemed like she would be able to keep her purchases a secret a while longer.

After an hour of watching the movie she could feel her high wearing off and she thought of excuses to use so she could slip outside. 

"I'm gonna go take a quick smoke." The boys barely noticed and kept their focus on the movie.

Isa went out the backdoor and quickly took a pill. When she lit her cigarette, she heard the backdoor open behind her. She turned and saw that it was Fourthgrade.

"You want a smoke?" She asked, acting like she hadn't just popped another pill. He nodded, sitting down next to her on the stairs.

"You okay?" He asked and she turned to look at him, but his gaze was locked on his beat up converse. Before she answered him, she lit a cigarette for him and passed it.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" It was her thing to act like everything was fine by then. 

"I saw the pills."

Ray had always been the father figure of the group, who tried to keep her safe but she hadn't told Fourthgrade anything about what was going on. He was being a good friend and she felt guilty.

"Please, don't tell anyone?" She pleaded, looking at him.

"I don't do much. I just don't want the others to know right now, I don't want anyone to worry." He swallowed hard and nodded.

"I won't tell."

"Thank you fourthgrade." he could relax again and she pulled him into a hug. When she let go she put her cigarette between her lips again.

"Is it because of Fuckshit?"

"I uh..."

"You didn't tell us but we know Isa. We know fuckshit and we know you. It's not hard to figure out, not even for me." His words made her feel bad for keeping them out of the loop. Those boys were her family after all.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you... I guess I was embarrassed? Being another girl he could get into bed." A sad chuckle followed her words.

"You think that's all? I don't know exactly what went down but I know he cares about you. All of us know it." Isabella didn't know if he was just being nice or if he really meant it.

"I'm not so sure..."

Silence rested between them as they sat smoking their cigarettes. Fourthgrade was the type of person who only spoke when he had something to say. 

"You know... if you need anything. I'm here." 

"I know." She stomped out her cigarette.

"I'm gonna go home, can you tell the boys I left?" He nodded slowly and went inside.

On the way home she popped another two xans and her mind started racing. After what happened, Fuckshit hadn't said a single word to her and it made her angry. For every step she took, she felt more and more frustrated. Heart beating faster and faster.

"Fuck this..." she mumbled and turned in on Fuckshits street.

Only his car was in the driveway meaning his parents weren't home. She knocked on his door firmly. Isa had been so calm and collected even though she felt fucked up after what he did but she couldn't take it anymore. She wanted to yell at him and tell him what she was thinking.