not from here - mid90s

twelve.

Isabella stood by the door waiting until he finally opened the door. His eyes looked tired and his blonde curly hair was messier than usual. She had missed him so much but she couldn't let that cloud her judgment. The xans in her system wanted her to say the things she needed.

"I need to talk to you." She pushed past him and let herself in. Isa wasn't going to stand in the doorway and argue with him.

"You've been ignoring me since halloween..."

"It's not like you've been talking to me either."

"Okay fine, we ignored each other but I saw you fuck Angela in the bathroom. What was I supposed to say after that? It was your fucking turn to talk to me."

Many times she regretted passing that line with him. If she wouldn't have flirted back with him, she would have spared her heart the trouble.

"I uh..." Fuckshit wanted her. He wanted her to be his but if he let her in... she would see his every flaw. Everything that was wrong with him. There was too much at stake. It had been easier to act like it was nothing to him because that was what he was used to. He slept with a girl and then moved on to the next one. It was a routine.

"It isn't that simple."

"You know what? I don't understand. If you felt nothing for me, then you could have told me. We're friends before anything else."

"That's not the issue." He struggled to look her in the eyes. Confusion spread across her features as she looked up at him. 

"I don't understand, I thought..."

Fuckshit moved closer and let his lips connect with hers. For a moment she just stood there, trying to wrap her head around what was going on. He pulled closer and she wrapped arms around his waist. iI felt like she was in a daze, one she didn't want to leave.Then he pulled back but still held her close.

"It had nothing to do with my feelings for you." He swallowed hard. Throughout his whole life he had been self sabotaging, whenever something was going too well, he fucked it up. It was easier for him to destroy things himself than be let down. That was just the reality of it.

"I still don't understand."

"I'm scared of fucking things up..."

"What do you mean?" Her voice was soft, almost like a whisper.

"It happens eventually." He felt pathetic for saying it out loud. Fuckshit always acted confident, like no one or no thing could ever break him down. Isabella's hand reach up to cup his cheek as she shook her head slowly.

"I don't believe that." she said, easing up the mood. A soft smile appeared on her lips and it didn't take long until it did on his lips as well. He pulled her into a hug, wanting to feel her close.

"I'm sorry." He whispered in her ear.

"I know. I just wished you would've told me what was going on..." Isabella leaned her head against his chest, feeling the scent of his perfume on his shirt. He always smelled good. 

"Don't push me away, okay?" 

"I'll do my best." That was all she needed from him. She was far from perfect so she couldn't expect anything else from him.

"Can you crash here tonight?" He asked and she nodded.

"I just need to call my dad." His shoulders dropped and he could relax again. 

"I'm gonna show you I'm worth it. I want you to be my girl."

He placed a soft kiss on her lips, it made shivers travel down her spine. Fuckshit let go of her and she made her way over to the kitchen phone. Isabella lied and told his father she was staying at Estee's house. Fuckshit waited for her to be done and then they walked upstairs with fingers intertwined.

"So... You and Angela... You're not a thing?" Isa had to know, she had to make sure he was on the same page.

"I promise you, it was nothing. She wanted to get back at her ex and i... I was high out of my mind." He shook his head.

"Fuckshit..." She pulled him down to the bed.

"What happened, it happened. We can't do anything about it now. But I'm not gonna play games." She swallowed hard, feeling a lump forming in her throat. If anything like it happened again she wouldn't run after him.

"I know..."

They kissed again and it felt like everything was alright once again. She hadn't expected him to commit to her but she had hoped they would be friends again at least. It had been hard without him. Whenever something happened he was the first person she told.

"I'm really tired." She wanted to pop another pill but decided against it. Still, she didn't want anyone to know about it. They had just made up and she wanted things to stay good. so it was easier to sleep through the cravings for now. Then she had enough pills left for tomorrow. 

"Then we sleep mamas."

Both got undressed and clothes were scattered on the floor. He gave her a shirt to sleep in, like always. Fuckshit pulled her in close. The warmth of her body made him relax even more.

"I missed this." He said, making her heart beat a little faster.

"Me too."