"he has persuasive lips but terrible motives."
a story about young people navigating love, friendship, drugs and becoming an adult.
content warnings: mature content and descriptions of drugs, suicide and overdose.
edited in dec 2022.
After a moment of silence they all went after Fuckshit and left Nick where he was laying. Ray stopped Isabella when they reached the living room. She wanted to try to explain everything to him but she knew it wouldn't be easy, partially because she was still in shock after what had happened.
"Let him cool off a bit, I'll go after him." Ray headed after him and the rest of the group stood there frozen.
"I didn't know you were buying from Nick..." It was Fourthgrade speaking behind her and she turned around. She hoped that they all knew that she wouldn't fuck with anyone else. Fuckshit was the one, the only one.
"He was just around one time and..." She tried to explain.
"They hate each other, Fuckshit could've killed him..."
"What? I thought they were friends before?"
"Years ago yeah, back when nick just started selling. Fuckshit didn't want to get involved but Nick dragged him into it and got him busted. Fuckshit's parents were ready to pull him out of school and move across the country."
"I... I didn't know." She whispered quietly.
"I don't know exactly what happened, it was before we were friends."
Nick had made it sound like they had been friends when they were kids and just drifted apart, nothing more than that. Her heart started to race and she could feel the anxiety build in her chest, she didn't want to feel anything. But what she wanted most of all was to make sure Fuckshit was okay.
"Can you go after them? to make sure he doesn't do anything dangerous." Isabella and Fuckshit had that in common, they could easily turn to self destruction.
"Can you get a ride home from Estee?" Ruben asked.
She nodded and the boys left, if they were fast enough they could catch up. She was left standing there alone with the music blaring and people partying like nothing had happened. Because to them, nothing had happened.
//
"Shit man, I told you I don't wanna fucking talk about it!" Fuckshit yelled out as Ray traced behind him.
"Why are you stormin' off like that? Do you believe that shit or what?" Ray had no trust for Nick and he was surprised that he could get to Fuckshit that easily. Ray wasn't sure what was going on with Isa and drugs, but cheating? No, there was no way. She only had eyes for Fuckshit, everyone could tell.
"I don't fucking know! But you saw the look on her face man!"
"So? She was in fucking shock dude!"
Fuckshit suddenly stopped and Ray could finally catch up. His mind was racing when he thought about the secrets she had been keeping from them, from him. The rest of the boys now caught up with them.
"What about the drugs then? Has she been doped up?" Fuckshit asked Ray.
"I don't fucking know, she hasn't told me anything." Fuckshit sighed and looked at the others. fourthgrade looked down, looking like he wanted to disappear. Something snapped in him when he saw that.
"You knew?" Fuckshit went up to him.
"I didn't know she was buying from Nick. I just saw that she had some pills! I promised Isa not to tell anyone!" Fuckshit got all worked up and pushed at fourthgrades chest.
"You fucking knew? She could die from that shit Fourthgrade!" Ruben and Ray stepped between them to stop things from escalating. Stevie stood on the side just watching what was going on.
//
Anxiety was increasing and Isabella felt like she couldn't breath. She pushed through the crowd towards the kitchen. It was empty and she went through her bag to pull out the powder she knew would make things easier. She put some powder on the counter and tried her best to make a straight line. After rolling up a dollar bill she snorted it. It was the familiar feeling she had longed for. She sniffled and rubbed away some leftover powder underneath her nose.
Only a few minutes until she would feel better. She opened the fridge and pulled out a half filled bottle of vodka. Isabella started sipping on it and then she felt her high approaching. Pupils were big as she looked through the crowd, she didn't see anyone she knew. She didn't see Estee anywhere either and she didn't want to stay there in case Nick was still around.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
She still had the vodka bottle in hand when she made it outside. Nausea was starting to rise but the cool night air made it disappear quickly. She didn't know where she was going and just kept on walking in the darkness as her mind raced. Did he hate her now? Did she lose him just to get an easy fix? Had she fucked it all up?
She thought the coke would help but it only heightened her anxiety. Isabella just wanted to see Fuckshit, to see if he was alright. She wanted to hug him and hold him close. She wanted to apologize for lying to him. As she went along the dark streets she thought about going to his house, but then she thought that he probably wouldn't be there if his parents were home. Maybe they were at Motors? Or at Ray's house? With no more options she went home, her father was asleep when she got there and Isa moved into the kitchen to make a call to Ray's house. Se could hear the dial tones, it felt like time went in slow motion until Ray picked up.
"Hello?"
"Is he okay?" She slurred her words as she spoke into the phone.
"He's fine, he's crashing here tonight."
"Can I talk to him? I need to talk to him... and explain..."
"I don't think that's a good idea. It's been a long night, he needs some time right now. It's better if you call tomorrow." Her heart sunk and she couldn't stop the tears from falling down her cheeks. He hated her and what if the rest of the boys did too? What if they were leaving her behind now? Giving up on her? She nodded and exhaled slowly, there was not much more she could do.
"Okay... I get it. I get it."
"Bye Isa."
With that he hung up the phone and left her alone with her thoughts again. The silence in the kitchen was deafening. It felt like someone had taken her heart from her chest and crushed it. She got upstairs and shut her door, there was no way to even try to stop the tears now. Her makeup smudged around her eyes as she let the tears fall as they pleased. Isa laid down on the floor, feeling the cold sensation against her body. At that moment it felt like she was all alone in the world.
