Life Is Just Not Kind - Final Book

Chapter 23

-BANDILE TSHAWE

"Look, I'm sorry you put your relationship on the line for me but Bandile I never asked you to do any of it. This is why I stayed away from you, I didn't want this mix up of emotions to happen. I didn't want to confuse you and I didn't mean to lead you on and i'm sorry I did"

She says, she sucks in a breath

"Look, I only came back because I lost my grandfather and also because Jay needed to know his father not for us to pick up where we left off and me saying this doesn't mean I stopped loving you because I never stopped. I admit I was selfish for choosing NY over our relationship but as my boyfriend you were wrong for making me choose. Bandile we could have made things work if we wanted them to work, you have all the money in the world to travel in between as much as I had all the money to travel back and forth but you gave up on us, you gave up on our relationship and so I had to leave. I couldn't be with a man who was not willing to understand and be supportive towards my dream job, someone who wasn't willing to make us work despite the distance and I'm sorry for coming across as selfish. I'm sorry I begged you not to leave for NY that year, it was wrong of me but Bandile after almost losing you to a plane crash that year I was scared. I was afraid to lose you again... I"

By now she's a crying mess and even has hiccups, I kneel in front of her. I don't think I have ever seen her this emotional before

"I'm sorry I was selfish!"

She says with hiccups in between

"I didn't leave to get back at you or anything like that but I had to do what was best for my career and I expected you as a business man that is as successful as you are to understand that some times you have to do what it takes and risk what you have to get where you need to be"

She says wiping her tears with the back of her hand which won't stop coming out, I bury my head on her lap

"Where does this leave you and i?"

I ask

"Mihlali I already lost you once and I would be damned to lose you again. I'm sorry if that makes me selfish but you are who I want Mihlali. I want our family to be together, Jay has already missed out on a lot and so have i. I promise things will be different, I won't stand between you and your dreams nor give you ultimatums ever"

I say looking up at her, she places a hand on my cheek

"I don't know if I'm in the right head space for a relationship yet Bandile. I'm starting a new job and it will demand all of my time and I don't know if I can handle a relationship and still mother our son"

She says, I lean in on her touch. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding

"i understand you've been superwoman all these past three years but I am here now Mihlali. You don't have to everything alone when I am here for you and our son. I can't force you into a relationship with me but Mihlali I'll promise you this. I will not give up on you, I'll win you back!"

I say and get up but she holds my hand, I look at her hand and then at her innocent teary eyes

"Bandile I love you, I just need time and you need time to get over Qhawe completely. I believe you and her still have some things you need to discuss and you can't do that with me in the picture. The last thing I want is to find myself in the same situation as Qhawe where you guys are going to chill over wine and end it off with sex. Sort out things with her first and then we can see where to from there. I'll give you the rest of the year to decide"

She says and I frown confused

"From now until December?"

I ask and she nods