The Devil Who Wears My Eyes

08 : The Last Thoughts

Two weeks has passed. I'm still good, but no Leopold came back. I was waiting. I was trying to sleep too much in hopes that he will visit so I can ask him questions about our first meeting and about what happened between us. But am I doing something wrong? Is that one time really just my delusion?

Napailing ako. Baka masyado ko lang iniisip ang pangyayaring iyon. Masyado na akong nilalamon ng mga posibilidad at kung ano man. Lahat ng mga impormasyon na narinig ko nang utusan ko si Ranz noong nakaraan ay nananatiling malinaw sa akin.

Demons of lust can father and human's child.

 

What if I get pregnant?

"Anak," mahinang boses ni Dad iyon kasabay ang paghaplos nang marahan sa pisngi ko. "Aalis lang ako sandali. Dito muna kayo ni Aling Meera. Also, Janice is going to live here after I marry your Mommy Kayla. Please, I need your approval, anak."

"What you said did not seem like you need my approval. You've already decided, Dad." I smiled. Marahan ko ring inalis ang kamay niya sa akin. "No. My answer is always no. It is me or her. I know you are happy with her, but I am always selfish. You can marry her, but you will have to lose me. Leave the house, leave my money, leave me. These are all mine."

I heard his sigh. His disappointment is clear.

"Anak,"

"I will have no other mother than Mama Sol."

"Ariella, you are getting stubborn. What more does your Mommy Kayla has to prove so that you can accept her?"

"Her leaving you." Walang pag-aatubili kong sambit. "That is the only way I will like her,"

I know I sound so desperate and selfish at this moment, but it is better than not doing anything on this marriage. Mas maigi nang matuldukan ang kalokohang ito kahit na sa hindi magandang paraan. Mommy Kayla is a vile woman. Now that she has a hold of my dad, balak niya talagang sakupin ang bahay at buhay ko. Last week lamang ay binilhan siya ni Dad ng kotse, now she is tryna make us live with her teenage daughter who is about to give birth. What does she think this house is? A fucking adaption center? An escape for people who needs help.

"Anak, you're breaking my heart."

"You broke my heart so many times for so long, Dad. I did not have a say on it. You promised to me and Mama Sol that she is the only woman you're going to love your entire life. You lied. You gave your heart for some plaything."

"Your Mommy Sol will understand. Your Mommy Kayla is not a plaything, Ariella. Hindi ko pinaglalaruan ang Mommy Kayla mo and she does the same to me."

"How do you know?"

"She loves me. Ariella, anak, if you can see and feel what I feel, you will understand why your Mommy Kayla is a good woman."

"Is that an insult? If I can see..."

"No, that is not what I meant, anak. I mean,"

"I know, Dad. I am not stupid. At least I know that she is a bad woman. At least I know our life will be in chaos once she's legal to do that. At least...I can see the warnings and not ignore it." I smiled. Nag-umpisa na rin akong humakbang papalayo sa kaniya. Pupunta na ako sa kwarto ko para doon magpahinga dahil malapit na namang gumabi. Ayaw kong matulog nang masama ang loob. "At least...I care about me. No one seem to do it for me anymore. Not even my own father."

"Ariella,"

Hindi ko na sinagot pa si Dad. Nagpatuloy na lang ako sa paglalakad. Mayamaya rin lang naman ay naramdaman ko na ang kamay ni Nanay Meera na inaalalayan ako. It is as warm as always.

"Pakihanda po ang paliguan ko, 'nay. Magbababad po ako. Kailangan ko po ng pahinga."

"Sige, 'nak. Tara na."

Nakarating kami nang matiwasay sa kwarto. Naghahanda na rin ng paliguan ko si Nanay Meera habang ako ay marahang hinuhubad ang aking mga damit. Not too long after, tinulungan na rin ako ni Nanay Meera hanggang sa paliguan.

"Hindi yata uuwi sina Sir Jaime, anak. Sabi niya sa akin kanina. Tayong dalawa lang rito saka sina Bong at Frudo. Silang dalawa ang duty sa gate, 'nak."

"Yeah, sinabi niya po sa akin. Aalis sila ni Mommy Kayla. May dinner yata sila. Baka mamimili ng singsing."

"'Nak, wala ako sa posisyon para magsabi nito dahil alam kong mahal na mahal natin parehas si Ma'am Sol at napakabait niyang tao. Parehas na parehas kayo ng ganda. Alam kong mahirap na tanggapin na may mahal nang iba si Sir Jaime sa ngayon pero 'nak...kita kong masaya si Sir Jaime kay Ma'am Kayla kahit na lagi kayo magkaaway. Nakita ko kung gaano nasaktan noon si Sir noong nawala si Ma'am Sol. Palagi siyang umiiyak mag-isa sa kwarto niya. Palagi ka niyang binabantayan sa gabi. Palagi ka niyang inaasikaso lalo. Hindi na siya palaging nakangiti noon pero noong dumating si Ma'am Kayla, medyo bumalik ang ngiti niya. Anak, kahit ayaw ko rin kay Ma'am Kayla dahil lagi ka niya inaaway, alam ko bilang ina rin na mas maganda ang may katuwang sa pagpapalaki ng anak."

"Iisa lang po akong anak, Nanay Meera." Saka tumawa pa ako. "Saka malaki na po ako."

"Hindi iyon ang ibig kong sabihin, anak. Iba pa rin ang buo ang pamilya."

It's not. Some families are better to be left broken instead of filling it in with a rotten piece just to fill the void. No. Buong-buo na ang pamilya ko. I do not need any more of them.

Gusto kong sabihin iyon kay Nanay Meera ngunit baka iba ang isipin niyang ibig kong sabihin doon kaya naman natahimik na lang ako at nginitian siya. She is a really genuine soul and I appreciate that she is trying to let me know perspectives I cannot see with my situation. I even heaved a deep sigh.

"Susubukan ko po. Alam ko rin na masaya si Dad kay Mommy Kayla...pero hindi ko po mapapangako."