The Devil Who Wears My Eyes

02 : The Step Houses

I am already done with my bath, and it has been minutes since I came inside this awfully tight room. Not the space on it, but the eyes focused on me as I stand still and them clothing me like a fucking bardie doll. I do not know the color, the style, the designs, and even how I look in every single one of the gowns, but I know all of them are massive. I can feel the heaviness.

"Lahat ay bagay sa'yo, 'nak." Bulong ni Nanay Meera mayamaya. "Ang ganda-ganda mo."

"She's too fat for that." Narinig ko ang boses ni Mommy. It is on a cold tone, clearly a blunt judgement. "Her arm fats are showing. It's not sexy. Bring her more. The ones that will trick the eyes. Make her waist look 21."

"Kayla, she's perfect. Our daughter is perfect." Boses iyon ni Daddy. "Don't be so harsh on her. She is beautiful the way she is."

"Speak more and I'll start to think that you are the blind one between the two of you, Jaime." Ramdam ko ang pagkainis ni Mommy. "Look at your daughter. She's pitiful. She is ugly. She is fat. She's even so...lame. How come you cannot see all those?"

"Kayla,"

"Don't start making it obvious that you hate me, Mom." I said. Nakangiti ako nang marahan at nakatingin sa direksyon kung nasaan siya kahit na nga napakalabong bulto niya lang ang nakikita ko. Muntik pa nga akong matawa. "I know I am pretty because I know I look like the exact replica of my mother. It's hard to see me when you knew Daddy's just here for your pussy, 'no?"

"Ariella-"

"Yes, truth hurts. Even though I am blind, I can see your loud insecurities. Don't make me laugh. Only the loser tounges speak ugly." I said.

Naramdaman ko ang pananahimik. Sa tantiya ko ay may anim o higit pang tao rito sa loob ng kwarto ngunit wala akong pakialam doon. This woman isn't even my mother, but I put up on it calling her Mommy because Dad wants me to. I am allowed to speak up for myself. That is the only way I can survive. I do not have my eyes to watch over fake and dangerous people, but I have my senses and sharp mouth to do the job.

Mommy Kayla is my Daddy's plaything. More than a plaything, I guess. She entered the life when I was 18, two years after my mother died. My Daddy was so sad it broke his heart, and Kayla is here to play the part. Iyon nga lang, mahirap siyang tanggalin. She is the typical bad stepmother who bullies her daughter, but I am not the typical pitiful step-daughter she expected. I bark. I bite hard.

"The more you try to get rid of me and poison my Daddy's mind, the more I crave for bad things to happen to you." Sambit ko. Walang preno, walang pagdadalawang-isip. "How's your daughter? Is she alright being pregnant at sixteen? Well, I guess it runs in the blood. You had three baby daddies’ before you started fucking with my Dad."

"Ariella!" Malakas na saway sa akin ni Daddy. "That's-"

"That's the truth. The more you try to deny it, the more it gets uglier, Dad. I love you, but Mommy Kayla is not good for me and us. Please change your plaything. She's long overdue."

Nakarinig ako ng mabilis na pagdadabog palabas pagkatapos ng ilang segundo. I badly wanted to see Mommy Kayla's face as I ridicule her with the truth. Maybe that is one thing I take note to motivate me in waiting even though it is hopeless.

"Kayla, sandali lang. My daughter is just joking!" si Daddy na alam kong papaalis na para sundan si Mommy Kayla ngunit tumigil muna at hinawakan nang marahan ang kamay ko. I then felt his lips gently kissing me forehead. "Ang ganda mo, anak ko. I love you."

"I love you, too."

I don't have any madness for my dad except Mommy Kayla. He is the perfect Dad a daughter can even ask for. He is gentle, he is loving, he provides anything and everything for me. He doesn't lose any hope of finding the donors so I can see again even though I already lost that hope a long time ago. He wants me to see the world again. He wants me to be the happiest.

"'Nak, galit na galit si Maam Kayla. Hehe hindi ko naintindihan sinabi n'yo, e." si Nanay Meera mayamaya na bumulong pa sa akin. Inaalalayan niya rin ako dahil tinutulungan na ako ng ilang mga kamay sa paghubad sa kung ano mang isinusuot nila sa akin. "Galit yata sa'yo, 'nak."

"Tama po 'nay. Dapat lang siyang magalit. Paano ba 'yong mukha niya?"

"Ano, parang gasul na umuusok."

I laughed so hard I did not even try to contain myself. Nanay Meera is the eyes I always want to be with me. She's old and sometimes naive about rich people's things, but her honesty with a little bit of savageness is always gonna be my favorite. Siya siguro ang spirit animal ko. Hinding-hindi ako magkakamali roon.

"Ay 'nak ang ganda ng kulay green kanina. Gusto mo 'yon? Bagay na bagay sa'yo."

"Talaga po? Sige, iyon na lang." I said. "We'll take the green one."

"Yes, ma'am."

Iyon na lamang at saka sinabi ko kay Nanay Meera na muli na akong tulungan sa pagsusuot ng pambahay ko dahil tapos na rin naman ang pagsusukat ng kung ano-ano. Hindi ko naman inaasahang mapapatigil ako at muntik nang mapangiwi dahil gumuhit ang sakit sa ulo ko kasunod ang tuluyang pagdilim ng lahat ng nakikita ko. It's a hundred percent darkness but then, I remembered that man's voice. His sudden touches and voices echoed inside my mind. It's not a simple headache, it is the shock and too many questions from what happened because it does not make any sense at all. Last night was a dream and a reality. I feel like it is a dream, but when I woke up, everything is real. The pain, the tiredness, and I am even sore down there.

"I'll visit you again, Ariella. Just need me. I'll come to you at once...naked."