The Devil Who Wears My Eyes

11 : The Warm Marks

"'Nak, kanina ka pa gising?"

Iyon ang narinig kong tanong mula kay Nanay Meera nang pumasok siya sa kwarto habang ako ay pinipigilan ang paghingal. Hindi niya pwedeng makitang madaling araw pa lang ay heto ako at hingal na hingal, pawis na pawis, at pagod na pagod. She can see me naked but I will not appreciate it if she ask a lot of questions why I am behaving this way. On why I am panicking inside and out so I tried to calm myself down.

Leopold, that creature worn me out. I will not be even wrong if I tell myself that he pleasured me hard again but now for hours. It was too long but every second of it is pleasure. I cannot say no for hours and all I can do is moan his name, crave for his harsh kisses, and love the pain of his aggressive movements. It is like a painful addiction. But that did not matter to me at all. I know I loved every single second he is pleasuring me. I know my body lustrd for him. What is inside my mind is not all about what happened but the fact that on those hours of fucking, I cannot see him.

Akala ko ay makikita ko siya ulit nang halikan niya ako at kagatin ang labi ko hanggang sa dumugo ngunit hindi pala. That was what I was looking forward to the most but did not happen at all. To see Leopold's face again and again, to get satisfied on how pretty of a man he is, to get thirsty on grabbing his neck and see his face while I am riding on top of him, that...is what real pleasure is.

Is he really the one deciding if I can have his eyes? But...how?

"Oh, pawis na pawis ka na agad, anak. Anong nangyari sa labi mo at may sugat?" Naramdaman ko kaagad ang marahang paghawak ni Nanay Meera sa mukha ko. "Jusko, anak. Anong ginawa mo? Kinagat-kagat mo ba ang labi mo? Anak, naku. 'Yong sugat. Malamang ay mamamaga iyan. May bisita pa naman tayo ngayon."

"Okay lang ako, 'nay. Aksidente lang 'to. Medyo nakagat ko lang kanina."

"Galit na galit ka pa rin ba kay Ma'am Kayla at sa desisyon ni Sir Jaime? Sinasaktan mo ang sarili mo kapag masama ang loob mo e. Anak, grabe ito." Her voice is really bothered. Mayamaya pa ay nakahawak siya sa braso ko at tinitingnan ang buo kong katawan. "Anak,"

"Wala ito, 'nay."

"Anong wala? Napakarami mong pasa oh. Mayroon pa sa leeg. Grabe itong nasa may tiyan mo at sa may singit. Anak, pinagsusuntok mo na naman ba ang sarili mo?"

I fucked a demon, not tried to hurt myself, Nanay Meera.

Hindi na lang ako sumagot at saka hinayaan si Nanay Meera na isipin kung ano ang nais niyang isipin. Mas maganda iyon kaysa naman ipaliwanag ko sa kaniya ang totoong nangyari. Mas magkakagulo. I immediately told her to prepare a warm bath so I will be ready to meet my doctor again. The last time, I lost all my hopes of seeing the world again, but if Leopold is part of that world, I think I will have to hope hard again.

I want to see him again. That's how powerful this lust it.

Gusto ko siyang hawakan at huwag pakalawan. Gusto ko siyang angkinin kahit walang tigil. Kahit pagod na pagod na ang katawan ko ngunit alam kong imposible. He will leave once he has fed from my lust and desires. It took me more than two weeks of waiting for what happened a while ago and for that intensity, I do not know if I heard it right, but it will be able to feed him for about one or two years. My libido must be out of this world.

"Sabi ni Ranz anak e bibigyan mo raw siya ng laptop pagkatapos ng graduation niya. Naku, anak, sobra-sobra na iyong ibinibigay mo. Nakakahiya na. Huwag na anak, kaya ko na 'yon."

"Hindi po sobra 'yon. Ikaw na ang tumatayong nanay ko kaya naman natural na bigyan ko rin sina Ranz. Saka deserve niya po. Palagi siyang top student kaya hinding-hindi nakakapanghinayang na bigyan ng kailangan sa school."

Sa paraan ng paghaplos ni Nanay Meera sa balikat ko ay alam kong nagpapasalamat siya. My heart is so full knowing I made someone dear to me happy and I will continue to treat her on how she deserves it.

"Wala po siyang nabanggit maliban sa laptop?" I asked her. I am just thinking maybe Ranz talked about what the part of the deal was even though I know the kid is honest. He won't break promises.

"Ha? Wala naman, anak. Ano ba iyon?"

"Wala po. Pinagsabihan ko lang sila na dapat e talaga namang huwag pababayaan ang pag-aaral para maging madam na po kayo pagkatapos ng ilang taon. Para hindi na siya sa-sideline sideline sa susunod at mabibili niya na lahat ng gusto niya."

"Ah, iyon ba? Lagi ko rin sinasabi 'yon sa kanila, 'nak. Kung buhay siguro ang tatay nila, e 'di mas maganda ang tinatamasa nilang buhay."

"Napakasuwerte po nila sa inyo, 'nay. Ikaw na 'yong nanay at tatay. Sobra pa sa sobra."

"Hay naku, anak. Pinapasaya mo na naman ako e kaaga-aga pa." she giggled and then kissed me on my head. "Halika na. Paparating na ang doktor mo. Kailangan na nating maghanda."

I smiled and followed everything she said later. Hindi ko siya pinapahirapan. I make her work easier by being a good person to take care of. Well, only most of the times. Inaya na rin niya ako sa paliguan at nagpokus siya roon habang ako ay lumilipad pa rin ang isip. The bath is warm, yet I can feel Leopold's touches warmer than this even after I soaked and got wet. Hinding-hindi nabubura ang init ng paghaplos niya sa buo kong katawan.

But then, I couldn’t see him, and he did not speak the whole time after his madly confused voice.

Was he really mad at me?