The Devil Who Wears My Eyes

17 : The Dirty Man

It doesn't matter if it was years ago, if it was in the past, if I almost forgot about it already. I will kill him. I will stop his breathing. God knows I am doing the right thing.

"Good morning, 'nak." Si Nanay Meera ang pumasok at agad akong dinaluhan. "Kakain na ng umagahan. Tara na. Ligo ka na. Nandoon din ang mga kamag-anak ninyo na kadarating lang. Lahat daw e mag-aalmusal."

I did not let her see I was cursing inside my head. I did not let her notice that I even cursed when she said everyone will be at the table. I still cannot believe I was taken advantage of again last night. His stench and his touches, it makes me wanna vomit and just die. But after what he did, I promised I will not die unless I kill him first. Isasama ko siya sa hukay kung iyon man ang kahihinatnan. Only God can judge me. Only Him can tell me it is not what I should do or should not. Only Him can make me see what I am supposed to do.

Nang matapos si Nanay Meera sa pag-asikaso sa pagligo ko at pagbihis ay inaya na niya akong lumabas at walang pag-aatubi akong inalalayan. Gladly, she does not know what exactly is going on. She doesn't notice anything that is bothering me, and I am truly glad she is clueless because I do not want her to know. I do not want her to get worried. I do not want her to be in any possible danger.

I can see a lot of shadowy figures as soon as I take my seat. I feel a lot of people in here, most are I only can know by their voices.

"You've gotten so big, Ariella." A woman's voice. By her sweet yet mean sounding voice, I am sure it is my auntie, Tita Jane. "You look so much like your mom at her age. Wow. She is so pretty, hindi ba, Jaime?"

"The prettiest."

"I know." I just said. "I know Mom was the prettiest."

They probably know it means something more. If I could see where Mommy Kayla is sitting, I would have stared the hell out of her and her thick face.

"What is it? Bakit kayo nandito lahat?" I asked. "May magaganap bang maganda?"

"Your Daddy is getting married. We are here to - "

"I am sorry to break it all to you, but if he ever did marry that woman, he will have to leave me and everything else."

Kaagad na muling kinain ng katahimikan ang lahat. Hindi ko pa naman sigurado kung ilan kaming lahat dito ngunit alam kong lahat ay nabibigla sa inaasal ko. Well, they were warned that I speak like this, but it is still a shock for them when they experience it by themselves.

"I made a deal with him. Go and marry her and leave me, or not marry her and stay. Those are the only options. But well, oh well, I think he has already decided. Mommy Kayla, just so you know, Daddy is broke. If he leaves, he is not getting any single penny from the fortune my Mama left me. I hope you're ready."

"Masyado namang mainit ang ulo ng pamangkin ko."

Nagmistula akong nawalan ng boses nang marinig ko ang partikular na boses na iyon. Kasunod noon ang marahang paglapat ng kamay niyang marahang tumapik sa balikat ko. That made me lose my mind, but I did not let them see. Nananatili akong tahimik ngunit diring-diri. These are the same hands that violated me last night. The same dirty man who raped me.

"Ang aga-aga e talaga namang napakamaldita. Manang-mana sa nanay." He even chuckled and started getting away from me but before that, I heard him asking me. "Medyo hindi yata masarap ang tulog ng pamangkin ko at masama ang pagkakagising."

"Fuck you." I hissed.

That is the moment I am completely losing it all. Dumoble ang pagkakatahimik ng lahat. They knew I am not nice, but this is more than being not nice of me. Nasa harapan kami ng hapagkainan at sa harapan pa talaga ng mga kamag-anak namin. I wanted to say a lot of things. To blurt out that he did things to me. To say that I wanna kill this man, yet I did not. I do not want to ruin the morning, so I heaved a sigh and collected myself.

"Whoa, whoa, anak."

"As you were saying, Dad. Kung nagbabalak ka ng kasal mo, it will be better na isama n'yo sa plano ang paglipat din ng bahay n'yo. I will not be able to stand all of these."

"Anak,"

"Bilisan n'yo rin ang kasal n'yo kung itutuloy n'yo talaga. Hindi na kailangang maghintay pa ng isang buwan. I wanna be left alone. I wanna be in peace." I said.

I want to make this dirty man go away...and kill him before that.

"Ariella,"

Dad is starting to get annoyed. Or even better, he is starting to get mad at the fact that I am behaving this way. He is calling me by my name which is rare.

"Can we please calm down for a second?"

"No."

"Ariella,"

"She must be tired. Alam n'yo namang hindi masyadong sanay sa tao ang pamangkin ko, masyado ninyo siyang pinipressure. Halika na, Ariella. Ihahatid na kita sa kwarto mo kung hindi ka komportable rito. Papadalhan na lang kita ng pagkain."

"I'd rather die than let you bring me to my room, Tito Jeremy. Your presence is making me sick."

I heard his chuckle. Hindi rin yata makapaniwala na ganoon ko tatanggihan ang sinabi niya. His anger issues, I am sure he cannot control his emotions right now. He hates people who do not follow him and makes him feel rejected.

"Only God can tell me...but He is surely whispering I should be doing it sooner." I hissed. Tumayo na rin ako at saka hinanap ang braso ni Nanay Meera. "Wala na ako ng ganang kumain. I'd rather starve than share a table with all of these dirty people."