The Devil Who Wears My Eyes

13 : The Cold Tremors

I swear I knew that voice. Two hours later and I am still shocked sitting on my bed. Nanay Meera is not with me right now. I told her I will sleep but I just want to be alone because of all the things running inside my head. The unexplainable shock I have right now upon being reminded of that voice that I long tried to forget because remembering means torture. It is making me want to scream but no words will ever come out of my mouth because until now, I am as silent as a white lamb.

"Ariella, kiss it. Your Daddy won't know we're playing. Be a good girl and kiss your Tito."

Tito Jeremy. That fucking old animal. He was that one. I thought he flew to another country but here he is again. Whatever pushed him to get back here, I know it is not a good idea. Him being here again. His existence is bad luck. He is a devil walking on my world. I can still remember when I was little, he used to come here and play with me. The games I never knew are already taking advantage of my innocence, my body, and my young mind. It corrupted me in ways I never knew would disgust myself until now.

Tito Jeremy is my Mama's adopted sibling. Since Mama is an only child and her parents wanted a son, they could not conceive, they adopted one. That is why Tito Jeremy is not in any way looking the same as my mother who is pretty in and out. I bet he is even uglier now. The ugliest. He was already almost at the legal age when he was adopted. And since then, he played with me.

"Magagalit ang Mama mo kapag hindi ka nakipaglaro sa akin."

That fucked up threat. That fucked up voice. Even though I cannot see now, his maniac and psychopathic grin is still clear inside my mind. It is hard to get rid of that face and his vile smile. It is hard to erase inside me when it was and still is something that traumatizes me. And now, that same man...even just his voice, it is making me want to die than be touched by him again. Than to play with him. Than to actually have another conversation with him.

"Kiss it, Ariella. Or do you want me to tell your Mama, you hate me and you made something bad?"

His grin...it is making my tremors cold and strong. His voice, it is the ugliest sound I ever heard. I had two body counts...him, and his best friend. I can't forget how he made me play with him and his fucking friend while I was little. How I wish to make that body count as someone whom I killed, not someone who took advantage of me. Of someone I tortured, not of someone who touched me without my permission.

I was ten. They used my young body for two years and I couldn't speak about it. When I did, I lost my mom. I lost my sight along with it.

 

Sobrang sikip ng dibdib ko sa biglaang pagkaalala ko sa mga nangyari. I knew it wasn't just an accident I lost her and my sight. It was never an accident. It will never be just an accident. We both know that, but I must keep silent about it because he will take away my dad. He is a psychopath. He can do it if I annoy him.

"Good girl. Good girl. Now kiss Tito's friend."

 

I didn't know that remembering those would make me tear up this easy. I thought I am already okay. I thought I am already healed from the wounds I did not speak about. I thought being silent for so many long years is going to be just fine. But it is not. I am not okay. I am not healed. And I should not be silent about this.

"If you do not play with me, I will tell your Mama, you hate me. Then, she will hate you and not love you anymore. Your Papa...I will make sure he will cry."

 

"Tangina, pare. Good shit. Buti na lang talaga inampon ka ng pamilyang 'to."

"Manahimik ka," he hissed. I saw how harshly he grabbed his friend by the neck and then smirked at him. Later, I saw Tito Jeremy putting his tongue on his mouth. I am disgusted, yet my little cries won't get to Mama because I am alone with them. They continued doing that in front of me. Kissing and licking each other. They are both naked and I saw how hard their private parts were. They were touching each other and later, they both looked at me. "Come here, Arielle. Kiss your Tito like how he kisses his friend. We three should play."

 

"No, ayaw ko. I don't want to play with you anymore. I do not like it. You both stink."

I then heard his friend laughing.

 

"Nagsasabi ng totoo ang bata. Hindi ka kasi naliligo."

 

"E ba't sarap na sarap ka?"

They continued giggling. They continued what they called is playing in front of me.

"Ariella...come play with us. I will tell your Mommy you have been a good girl."

I never knew those clear memories of what happened, a fucked-up reality I once have, will make me tremble even harder than before. I am scared. I cannot breathe. Later, I heard someone opened the door. Nawala agad ang ngiti ko nang akala ko noong una ay si Nanay Meera ang pumasok ngunit ang paraan pa lamang ng paglakad noon ay hindi na maganda.

It is Tito Jeremy.

Mabilis siyang nakalapit sa akin. Tahimik at hindi nagsasalita. Whoever let him in here won't suspect him to do anything because I am his niece. I then felt his face so close to mine. I can hear his breathing loud in front of my face. Right there and then, I wished I was dead.

"Do you want to play with me like how we used to, Ariella?"