"I don't care" {𝘌𝘯𝘩𝘺𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘧: 𝘓𝘦𝘦 𝘏𝘦𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘧}

« 𝐴𝑐𝑐𝑒𝑝𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 »

𝑯𝒆𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒖𝒏𝒈'𝒔 𝑷𝑶𝑽 :

It's the first time this happens...

I don't know why, but I couldn't think of anything other then her. If a woman ever rejects me, which rarely happens, it wouldn't bother me at all. I have money, influence and beauty. Three things that attract certain women to me, it was never hard to get what I want.

But this time, things are surprisingly different. I've never stayed up all night thinking of a person that rejected me like this.

At first I didn't think she was any different, so I wanted to add her to the list. I didn't take her idealistic opinions about love seriously, because I thought that it was just a fake mask to hide her real desire.

I was completely wrong.

I admit that I played with her feelings, but it wasn't something I could control. I'm surprised that I wasn't faking the real joy I had with her. I've never felt such a connection with anyone else, yet I decided to cut it before it grew into something deeper.

I was afraid of loving her, what if I do and then end up broken again?

All those happy moments that we shared together, despite them being few, brought real joy and peace to my soul. I was selfish, wanting those feelings to last as long as they could, without caring for her heart that may break later. I knew she'll hate me when she knows I didn't stop the wrong things I do, but it's not that easy to get rid of the haunting past.

My parents never loved each other for real, always fighting and shouting. They didn't care for how I felt about all of that. They never thought of the trauma their actions brought to me. I remember that I've never slept a peaceful night without the fear of hearing their arguments nonstop. All of that made me hate them alot, wishing that I could run away forever and never be found again. I tried to do that, a few times actually, but I'd always get caught by the guard they put for me wherever I go.

We were a rich family, but rich doesn't always mean happy. They used to say they really love me, their only child, but I've never seen that love for real. I didn't care for gifts or expensive things, all I wanted was for them to love and understand each other.

Later when I grew up, I knew the reasons of their fights. They got divorce when I was 11 years old, my mother said she didn't want anything to remind her of my father. Anything included me. My father didn't care, as long as they were apart from each other.
I was feeling so lost and broken, barely visiting my mother every few months since she despised me because of my father. He wasn't taking good care of my mental health either.

The reason of all the trauma I had, all the fights and arguments, it was all because of my father's relationships.

Funny for me to say, but he shouldn't have done any of that. He had multiple relationships at once, always drunk at parties and forgetting he has a family and a once loving wife. Destroying my mother's trust over and over, despite her warning him to stop because what he was doing was wrong on all levels.
He never listened, always going back...
The only good thing I received from him was inheriting the company he owned.

At the end, I was the one that was affected the most. I grew with a person with no morals left to teach me anything good. He continued his mistakes, bringing women to our house every night. All were drunk and wasted, doing nasty things for a kid to witness. I stayed in my bedroom every night, always having great hatred for him in my heart.

Unfortunately, I grew up to be another version of him. I know what I do is wrong, but I'm missing a big part of myself. I've had a couple of serious relationships before, but all ended badly. No one ever truly cared for me and all of them just wanted my money.
I was sick of lies and wanted to stop caring and thinking of anything, so I found myself taking on the path of my father. I feel ashamed of what I've became, but it's hard to change yourself all alone.

I don't know why I ruined my chance. Mi-yeon isn't like any other women I've met, she's special and it's obvious from her eyes. She looks at me with respect and love, not greed. She was interested in me, yet I blocked her heart.
I wasn't completely drunk at that party, so I saw her standing at the door. She had a mix of emotions on her face: disgust, anger, disappointment and sadness. She looked heart-broken, and I felt extremely guilty for that...I broke her trust in me.

I guess the past repeats itself...

I wanted to tell her all of this, but apparently she doesn't care for me anymore. It was obvious from the way she's been lately, and I don't blame her.

I faked the reason for not talking to her today because she was busy with that blonde guy. I've been seeing him a few times by now, they seem close.

A strange feeling stuffed my heart when I thought of that. Am I jealous of him? He has her trust and attention, and I have the opposite because of my stupid mistakes...

𑁍𑁍𑁍

𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧! | (• ◡•)|
𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭. ☺︎︎

𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐮𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝, 𝐬𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬!

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞! (●'◡'●)ﾉ

_𝑆𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑤𝑏𝑒𝑟𝑟𝑦𝑀𝑜𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑖𝑠_