The Secret Life Of Teenagers

Chapter 6 : The Break up

2021

I just got to the point after one year of being together I fell out of love with gerald. After all of his drinking and after attacking me I just couldn't face pretending to be happy with him. I think I kept him close to protect me in a way rather than protecting him witch is what I thought I was doing. But also after what happened to him I diddnt want to break his heart even though he couldn't wait to break mine. After he beat me up I couldn't wait to tell him it was over after having the heart to heart conversation with mum. But I just couldn't and knew it was going to be the hardest thing to do. But he cant better himself until hes alone and has a reason to better himself. I couldn't fix him the way he thought I could. I love him so much but if he could break my heart after something happening to him and saying I was better of without out him maybe he was right back then. I needed to do this in a nice way that he can understand its for the better. It's for me to have a better future and it's for him to get the help he needs.

I invite gerald over and he looks worried. "Should I be worried?" I Dont know how to answer that maybe? "No I just wanted to have a quick chat and get somethings of my chest thats been bugging me since i got home after you attacked me." So that was harsh but true. He looks at me and says "I am so sorry for what happened back then and i know i diddnt admit to it that was pathetic and stupid of me. I'm better now. We can make this work again and I can move back home to be with you." I diddnt think we could make it work. Even though he was trying to get me to imagine it could work. I think after the accident I had this vision I could help him and make him a better person but that just never happened he's still doing what caused him to loose his legs in the first place alchole. He is still drinking himself into that balck hole and i dont know how to save him this time. "Gerald I have to be honest with you. I don't think this, us can work. I am so Sorry.  I am so sorry." I start crying as i shouldnt be the one to be saying sorry.  " Why am i saying Sorry you should be saying sorry but it isnt going to fix the damage thats already been done and the memories of what you have done to hurt me and hurt yourself."

There was nothing else I could say. Accept sorry. But why was I sorry? Because I'm breaking up with him? "No you can't be breaking up with me. Jessica please?" I could see his watery eyes witch made me feel hurt and feel bad. But I did this for us. He needs to better himself and I don't need to put up with it. "Im sorry gerald but i am the one that is walking away from us. You. I cant be held responsible for your actions anymore. I will start moving my stuff out this is your house at the end of the day. I dont even think we can be friends i cant even stand to look at you." He carry's on crying and says "No this is all down to me you stay here in this house this is all down to me not you. I will rent the house im currently in. Jessica i know sorry means nothing but i am  truly sorry. I diddnt mean to hurt you. This is all down to me and i never meant for it to happen im sorry." Still i dont think i would ever forget him. I wasnt to keen that he was living accross the street but it was better than prtending that i loved him when clearly i diddnt anymore. It was nice to be free but i will never be free of the pain he had caused me. The pain of the memories.

Gerald would come over to check how I was even know i said i diddnt want to ever speak to him again. I know he cares he always has and well he said he always will but it doesn't mean anything to me. He layed his hands on me and hurt me. Those memories of him punching and kicking me will never go. It was the right decision to let him go even though i know it pained him and it pained me. The happy memories mean so much i will always remember the day we met and our first kiss but then at the end they are all sad memories.

I tried to contact victoria because I needed people around me to support me. But the cry for help and support went missed. She left me thinking I would be fine. I was until me and Gerald split. Now im alone in a big house that echos with saddness. The memories of gerald hitting me and im gasping for breath walk past me everyday like a ghost is my only companion the ghost of my past. It hurts to be alone. I had never been alone for all of my years. I always had the support of victoria.