The Secret Life Of Teenagers

chapter 10: Festive Kiss

December 2022

Our love felt solid. But let me tell you it wasn't. We had been together since May. And I felt miles apart from him. I don't know why but its just how I felt. I went to gerald to talk to him. Even know we were once an item we are good friends and I think callettee hates that.

I knock on geralds door. He comes and opens it. I give him a hug and say "it's really nice to see you." He's someone I can confide In. I can say things I want to and he wouldn't care or get protective over me like callettee does. Some people think they need to wrap me up in bubble wrap but really I'm just a normal person with more problems and a troubled life but you know I need to be treated the same. I feel like me and gerald fell out of love years ago and maybe that love is coming back. Me and callettee fell in love because we were good friends years ago and he saw all the things that has happened to me and he thought he needed to protect me. Not because he loves me in a romanic way. I know he did love me and i loved him but it felt so diffrent now from when i met him. I felt like i was wasting my time. I go to gerald because he is like my rock that will sit back and just listen to me. He doesnt judge or go to a massive conclusion that doesnt even make sense.

"So have you got anything new to talk about today?" i have alot to tell him. "Yeah alot. i think you need to sit down for this." He looks at me and sits down. "Is everything okay?" I nod and begin. "Since callettee has woken up from being in the coma and having his brain operation he has felt like a diffrent person. I dont know why or how but he doesnt feel like the person i loved. We only talk about whats on the tv or what the latest celeb has done. We used to talk about how much we love eachother. He doesnt even kiss me or say i love you. I feel like hes such a diffrent person that i just dont know why he is anymore and how can i love someone that i a diffrent person to who i met?" Gerald says "WOW thats alot to keep in and thats okay if you feel that way. He has had a brain operation and i supose it can make someone diffrent and i dont know maybe forget what life is about." I look at gerald and say. "I feel so evil he has been through so much and i just cant love him for who he is now and i dont think he will get it. All i have seens since we have been home is you. Your everywhere in my dreams." I diddnt want this to sound weird or stalkerish but me and gerald do have history and i think the love for him is coming back. But we never worked out and i could never do that to callettee. "Okay so i diddntt expect that. But you know i said i would always be waiting for you. When you were ready to come back." I think gerald has thde wrong idea. "No, No, No i am not going to do that to him. Me and you ended things years ago. We only worked out for a year." He laughs. "Me and you lasted longer than you and him. You have only been together since may and you have had so many breaks from eachother and now you dont even feel in love with him." This made me hurt but it is so true. "Yeah thats all true but you diddnt have brain cancer. He is a diffrent person due to the operation. They said he might of woken up without his voice and he diddnt so he woke up without his memory of the world to tell you the truth they both sound bad but i would rather have the one where he forgets the world."

Gerald leans in for a kiss and for some reaon i dont pull back. I carry on. We both pull away as the kiss finishes and gerald says "Im sorry but that felt right." I say "Im with callettee this cant happen." I grab my things and leave gerald shouts after me "Jessica im sorry." I slam the door and head back to my house where i walk into callettee cooking ginger bread. I feel so bad i said that he wasnt trying and he wasnt in the real world maybe he just needed some time to adjust back home. "hey baby where have you been?" What lie do i come up with. "Just walking around just needed some time to think. It smells nice in here. What happened to you." He looks at me. "What do you mean." I look at him and then go up for a hug. "well you were down and only talked about what was on the tv like we were an old couple that had nothing else to talk about." He laughs and says "I think i just needed time to get better and recover. I got tired so easily. After this i will probably go and have a lie down. Sorry im a boring old person." I feel bad. "Thats not what i meant youur not boring i love you."

He heads up stairs to go and lie down and i get a text from gerald saying "Are you going to tell him?" I ring him up and shout. "STOP FUCKING TEXTING ME. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE." callettee comes running down the stairs and says "Is everything okay?" I turn away and say "Yeah why wouldnt it be?" Tears start to run out of my eyes. "Jessica i know when you are lying." He takes my phone out of my hand and looks at the message. "What does he mean have you told him yet? Have you told me what jessica?" I feel bad i fall to the ground crying. "Im so so so so sorry. I love you and i diddnt do it to hurt you." He looks at me angrily. "Tell me why are you sorry and why does your ex think you have something to tell me?" I cry and cry i just cant stop. "Im sorry i went to confide in him like i do every week witch i was going to tell you about and i diddnt because i know you would have seen a problem in it and well we got chatting this after noon and he leaned in for a kiss and well i diddnt back away it felt right. I feel so sick to my stomach and was going to tell you but im so so so sorry."

I run out of the door crying and i dont stop running. I feel broken because i have broken him. I hate myself for it. I get so many missed calls from callettee i dont answer because it pains me to think that i said i diddnt love him anymore and he loves me still. I feel so confused to who i love and just dont feel myself. I run and run and run until i dont see anything anymore. Im on the top of the world. I chuck my phone over the cliff and say "FUCK YOU ALL." Life was never simple. When your feeing get confusing you get mixed emotions and you do things that hurt other people and thats not what you inteneded to do. Why i ask myself. Why does life bring me pain and torture. Everytime i have a good period in my life there is always something so badder to come and no good can fix that bad. I have hurt the poeple around me i pushed victoria away i pushed my friends and family away. When i get into situations like this i feel confused and hurt and i dont know my feelings and emotions and sometimes they do unpradicatble things.

I get away from the cliff and start to walk down this dark and scary road that you cant see much because its so dark and foggy.

I hear a voice call my name and the only thing i do is run, run and run. Why did i run that could of been someone to help and save me from the situation i am in now. Now im even lost than i was before. As i walk down this dark, dark road i see head lights. The only thing is i can see them but they cant see me. There was not enought road space to be safe. So i ran and ran in the other direction until. HIT. I was like a fox in the head lights..........