Imperfectly Perfect [Chaelisa]

epilogue

The first thing Lisa realises about college is that it's hard.

She knows it's wrong that she feels this way, but any time Chaeyoung comes home talking about her good grades, Lisa is jealous. She knows she should be happy for Chaeyoung, but it's hard when she's struggling at something her girlfriend finds so easy.

Lisa goes to the classes, and hands in the work, but she has no clue what she's doing, and that's her downfall.

Chaeyoung, on the other hand, finds her work rather easy, and complains that it isn't challenging her enough. "I knew all of these things about animals already," she boasts one night, and Lisa just sighs and decides she's going to sleep on the couch.

After what feels like a year avoiding Chaeyoung - really, it's only a week - her girlfriend finally approaches her.

"Are you mad at me?"

Lisa looks up from the television to see Chaeyoung rocking on her heels in the doorway. "No. I'm not mad."

"You're avoiding me, I think," Chaeyoung points out, and Lisa sighs, "I would like you to stop that, please."

"I'm just tired, Chaeyoung," Lisa admits, and Chaeyoung sinks down onto the couch next to her, her fingers drumming against her leg. "College is really kicking my ass."

"Why didn't you say so?" Chaeyoung frowns, glancing at the work on Lisa's desk. "I can help you, if you'd like. And- um, we can do something fun to take your mind off it."

"I'm starting to think it's not for me." Lisa continues like she hadn't heard Chaeyoung talk. "College isn't really for everyone. The work is too much of a step up and it's stressing me out."

Chaeyoung blinks. "You're moving back home?"

"What?" Lisa looks up and shakes her head. "No, I love being here with you. It's just... I'm not too sure about continuing with college."

"Oh," Chaeyoung frowns to herself. "Well, um, you can go and talk to the admissions people. And maybe ask about taking a year out and restarting next year. It's only early, I'm sure you can do that. I'll go with you if you need me to."

Lisa shakes her head. "That'd make me feel like a failure, though. Like I'm too dumb to-"

"No," Chaeyoung interrupts her. "You're so smart, Lili. If it's a problem with the work, I can help! And- and I- I don't want you to drop out because then you'll go home and I'll be alone and-"

"Chaeyoung," Lisa cuts in, "even if I did drop out, it wouldn't be... I'd stay here and get a job. Use the time to work on my music or something."

"Oh," Chaeyoung deflates a little, but then smiles and nods, "alright then. Why have you been avoiding me because of this? You could have spoken to me."

"It's more like," Lisa sighs, "you're always getting all these amazing grades and good comments from your teachers and while I'm so proud of you for that, you come home and tell me about it and it makes me feel even more inadequate. I feel dumb next to you."

"Not many people are as smart as me." Chaeyoung announces, and Lisa can't help but smile a little. "You are far from dumb, Lili. And I believe that you can do well in college, but if you want to take a break, that could be good for you too."

"I'll... I'll try to figure things out." Lisa answers, hoping that would be good enough for now. "Maybe... maybe I could post covers or something. Because I've been lacking a creative outlet and that's probably adding to the stress of it all."

"Yes!" Chaeyoung beams. "Yes, I like that. I will link it to everyone once you post one."

Lisa smiles back, and gently squeezes Chaeyoung's hand. "Thank you, Rosie. I think I really needed this talk. Even if I didn't realise it."