love, always

Chapter 21

21.

 

“Haley.”

Zan.

We have to stop meeting like this...

“Haley, there’s someone here who wants to see you...”

Dad? Is it Dad? Because quite frankly he’s the only person I want to see right now.

“Hello Haley, it’s me, it’s your Uncle Ted,”

Oh, hey.

“I’ve come to apologise,”

Apologise, what for?

“I’m apologising because I haven’t exactly been here for you have I?”

I guess not.

“I mean ever since your d- you know what, ever since that I haven’t even spoken to you; I haven’t come here or anything!”

 If only I knew where ‘here’ is...

“Well, I am here now, and that’s what matters,”

But all I want is my Dad. That’s all I want, why isn’t he here, where is he?

“I know it’s been hard for you, but well, it’s been hard for me to and I just wanted to say you’re not the only one suffering,”

Oh yeah, because that helps, it sounds like you’re having a go at me...

“Anyway Haley, enough of that, why don’t you give me a nice hug eh?”

I would, but I can’t.

“You can live with me now Haley, wouldn’t that be nice?”

No it would not.

“Haley, there is no easier way to say this, but, well, ugh...okay here goes... once I found out that - about everything, I admit it, I didn’t want anything to do with you, and I know that sounds horrible but do you know why? Because you reminded me of them, everything you did, the way you spoke, the way you smelt, looking at your face, even just thinking about you brought back memories of them. And thinking of them is the last thing I wanted. I wanted to forget them, all of them, including you. I wanted to do this because I thought it would make life easier if I just didn’t know you anymore. I know, I know, I was wrong but I do want to know you now. I thought about everything and realised it was wrong to blame you - well, I didn’t exactly blame you. But I didn’t want to see you. And I was wrong to do that, you’re only young, how old are you now? 13? 14? 15? I’ve realised now you need me, as much as I didn’t want to see you I knew that I had to...I just knew I had to forgive you and God for what happened. Because let’s face it, you could’ve got Josh out.  You could’ve taken him out of his seatbelt and then maybe, not saying anything, you could’ve got Megan out too. Now I know you know this and I know you blame yourself but there is really no need. I know that it’s impossible to bury the memories of you guys in the back of my head and I admit, I never wanted to get rid of you completely from my mind; you were always going to be there no matter what I did. And purely because of that fact I am letting you back into my life. For good.”