love, always

Chapter 24

24.

So I got bullied too?

Great.

Juuust great.

Doesn’t this story ever end?

“You got bullied at the start of the new school you went to, first of all they just called you names and stuff but then, they started to steal things, slap you and other stuff to, they made your life a misery,”

 Oh fantastic .

Seriously, I’m starting to go mad here, not being able to say anything to anyone, it’s like when people go into space for a long time and they get space madness because they’re alone, cooped up on their own. I know it’s a little different but still...I can kind of relate.

“So you bunked off,”

I bunked off? That doesn’t sound like me!

“It wasn’t like you at all, you never were trouble at school, and you always did as you were told, done all your homework, teachers all said you were a pleasure to teach at parents evening...”

Err, yeah I know, I was there.

“I didn’t know a thing about it, until I got a phone call one day, saying you weren’t in school, and you hadn’t been for days,”

Yeah, yeah, cut to the chase please.

“Anyway, I didn’t know what to do,”

You didn’t?

“So I put a stop to it by hiring someone to home school you, and it was my mother,”

Oh juuust great.

Ugh, it’s so annoying.

Just being here, not being able to do anything.

I feel quite guilty actually, you know, about everything.

No?

I’ll explain:

Well whenever I want to say something I can’t, so I think it. But most of the time it’s sarcasm, like I can’t be bothered to hear it, well, maybe that’s my way of not trying to think if ‘them’. But every time I say something I feel like I should have said it like I’m crumbling...I mean I am crumbling inside but shouldn’t I be crumbling on the outside too?

I don’t know where I am.

I don’t remember what happened properly.

I can’t eat.

I can’t move.

I can’t do anything except for listen and think.

So why aren’t I panicking?

Yes! That’s what I’m trying to say why aren’t I panicking?

Why aren’t I questioning everything that Zan says? What is it that makes me not get into a fluster? To stay calm and collected? I mean, I know I’ve had my moments but most of the time I’m just like: Yep, okay.

Why?

I’m not normally like that.

I’ve only just realised it, it’s a bit like on doctor who when there’s only 5 of them but later you realise there’s actually 6 but you didn’t realise because you assumes you didn’t need to count.

It’s kind of like that.

I’ve been focusing on Zan and what she’s been telling me too much to realise that what she said is actually real...but of course I know it’s real but then why aren’t I panicking?

Oh God, Lord, help me please!

It’s true!

Apparently, when you’re in a position where you don’t know what to do, but like MAJOR. E.g a plane crashing. Most people who don’t even believe in God will turn to him.

I just did it then when I said Oh God, Lord, help me please!

Rid me of this nightmare please!

Please!