Youtuber Imagines (X Reader)

Mental Health

Pronouns: He/They
Requested By: winkywonker
Prompt: The reader goes out one night with friends, as Charlie decides to clean up the whole house to ease the readers stress. Only to find a diary in their room that they hid.
⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️
MENTIONS OF ANXIETY ATTACKS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, AND FEELINGS OF SELF DOUBT.
⚠️READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION⚠️
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As you exited the apartment you shared with your boyfriend Charlie, you were excited to meet up with friends you hadn't seen in months. Knowing that this was one of the few days you had off from work, you wanted to enjoy every moment you could. Giving Charlie a peck on the cheek before he closed the door behind you. As you got into your car and drove off, Charlie took this time to start cleaning the place up. Incase your friends wanted to stop by hang out.

And he figured it would be sweet if he did some of the cleaning for once. Since you always beat him to it most of the time. He always felt guilty even though he wasn't really a messy person. He always kept his office and desk nice and neat, along with your shared bedroom. But sometimes the both of you would be extremely exhausted and food would be left out, or dirty dishes left on the counters. Things you knew would be taken care of in the mornings.

Charlie already had your laundry in the wash and his waiting to go in next. So from there he started working with the dish washer, putting in some of the dishes in the sink. He wouldn't start it since it still wasn't filled yet. But having finished that he would then move onto vacuuming and dusting. All the lame little things that no one tends to pay attention to sometimes. Once he was done with all of those things, he started to organize things. From the kitchen, to the living room, and lastly your bedroom. It had taken him a couple hours but this was the last room he had to take care of.

He placed both of your piles of laundry in their respective places in the dresser. And began to organize the top of it. Working from the top parts of the room to the floor. He usually left your nightstand alone, considering it had some of your personal belongings in there, such as documents and legal papers. So he always stayed out of it. Yet today, curiosity killed the cat. He would never usually go through anyone's stuff and he didn't really intend on paying to close attention to the details on the papers. But you had left some legal papers out on the top of the nightstand while you were looking for your passport the other day. So Charlie figured he could respectfully put them back where they needed to go. And he knew realistically you didn't mind if he saw the papers. You both had been together for a couple years now.

Naturally as he was going through files for the papers, he came across a strangely blank notebook. He took it out for a moment just so he could get to the other files behind it. As he continued to sort the papers he was on the last one. It was just your birth certificate, so he placed it in the most appropriate folder and one he knew you usually kept it in. Closing the nightstand and standing up to stretch. Once he had finished groaning from stretching his knees, he looked down at the bed. Staring at the notebook he forgot to put away. Bending down slightly and picking it up in his hands, he swiftly turned around and sat down on your side of the bed. Now this is really where curiousity killed the cat.

As he began to flip through the pages, it didn't take him very wrong to realize just what it was. A diary. He didn't even know you had one. "He must've been writing in this while I've been recording." Charlie thought to himself. Checking the time quickly, he saw that you wouldn't be home for another hour and a half. In the mean time, he decided to read from the beginning. Starting from the very beginning of their relationship.

"Hello diary! Oh god this is cringe already haha. So I got this just so I'd be able to write down my thoughts that I can't really say to anyone else. Or just thoughts that I dont wanna bother other people with. But anyways, I just met this really sweet guy the other day at the corner store near my apartment. He was honestly super attractive and super kind. We kinda hit it off right away because with both started chatting about video games, considering I was over there getting some weird random ones just to play in my off time. He even gave me his number!! I'm the clingy type so I'm absolutely gonna text him when I get the chance. Anyways, I don't have much else to write down for now. I'm sure when I have a mental breakdown I'll be back with tear stains on the papers haha. -5/18/2019"

As he continued on, a lot of it was about the two of you being together, how happy Charlie made you. Making Charlie incredibly happy that he knew he was doing a good job. Yet as the diary progressed he saw your change in mental health. Each new page you reassured that it wasn't Charlie's fault. You had just been facing a lot of PTSD and flashbacks to past trauma. Things Charlie knew about. And during your time together he took care of you when some of your family and friends passed away from COVID and having to live through quarantine. How isolated you felt and how awful your mental health had declined. Once COVID had seemed to finally die down, your diary showed you getting happier again. And this relieved Charlie.

Minutes pass and he finally gets to your most recent entry. His heart dropped at the words written on the paper. He knew you had anxiety attacks from time to time and most of them he was able to be there with you and help calm you down. This one seemed to have happened when he was recording.

"Fuck. Hi diary. Uhm- Charlie's recording right now and I'm having such a bad attack right now. I don't even know what started it. I don't wanna bother him. He doesn't deserve to stop everything he's doing just to help me. He has so many people who love him. God I don't feel good enough. I swear I'm not good enough for him. He deserves so much better than me. I know this whole entry is all over the place and I don't even care, I just need to voice my thoughts. My thoughts hurt so much. I argue with myself everyday. The only times I feel normal or okay is around Charlie and I feel so stupid that I keep using this diary instead of just talking to him. I'm scared, and that's not his fault. I need to get over it. I need to be more honest with him and my feelings. I need to see a therapist. I just fucking need help. I'm so tired of fighting myself. I stopped crying now so, bye diary. I guess. 11-4-22"

As he finished reading the entry he heard the front door unlock. He got up from the bed and placed the book down, walking into the living room seeing the smile on your face from your night out. "Hello love-" You said as he englufed you in a hug. "Please don't ever feel like you're not enough." He blurted out, and you knew exactly what that meant to you. You dropped the bag you had in your hand and hugged his waist tightly. "I'm sorry." Was all you could muster out before tears started to form. "You have no reason to be sorry. You have so much you deal with that you fight alone. And that's okay. Just remember that it's okay to ask for help too." He reassured you as he lovingly rubbed your back. You couldn't help but squeeze him more as you just laid your head against his chest.

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Never be afraid to reach out and ask for help. Whether you want someone to listen, or to give advice. I'm one dm away ❤️🖤💜
Love, Onyx.