Ratneshwari

Chapter 15

Ratneshwari cried endlessly not knowing what to do. Shivan's words had completely broken her.

No one wiped the poor woman's tears. The tears rested and dried in her eyes. When she was exhausted, she fell asleep on the floor.

Shivan was lying on the bed but he could not sleep. He closed his eyes but Ratneshwari's face appeared before him. He felt guilty. He said, "Ratna, I know that you have always expected me to be a loving husband. But I can't fulfil your wish. I cannot love you. I love Sheetal. She is my love. I promised to spend my life with her. I cannot be yours. You deserve someone better."

With great difficulty, he slept.

(Next morning)

Ratneshwari woke up. She walked to her bedroom. Shivan was sleeping. She went to him and stood there to have a look at him. Her eyes were getting moist. A few drops of tears fell on the floor making it wet.

She wanted to caress his face but then she stopped herself. She whispered near his face, "You are mine, just mine. No one can take you away from me. You cannot leave me. " She turned around. She was about to break down. But she did not want to wake him up.

She opened the wardrobe and took out a sari. She entered the bathroom and locked the door. She did not bother to undress herself. She stood under the shower. She felt weak and sat down on the bathroom floor. She started sobbing once again. The cold water washed the salt on the lady's face.

After sometime, she came out of the bathroom. It was 6:00 am. She went to the kitchen to prepare the breakfast. She started cooking.

Shivan also woke up. After freshening up, he went for jogging. He returned after half an hour. He looked for Ratneshwari but could not find her. He was worried for her. He thought, "Where is she? Did she go somewhere? Wait! Relax! She must be in the house. She must be doing some work." Just then, he heard a sound. The sound was coming from kitchen. He was felt relieved. He went upstairs to his room. He took a bath and came to the dining table to have his breakfast.

Ratneshwari was there. She served him with her own hands. She looked at him once. Shivan also looked at her. They made an eye contact. Shivan noticed that her eyes were red and she was looking pale. She had cried for almost the whole night.

O' Lord of the heavens,
Why did you torture this poor soul? Why do you not pity her?

O' Lord of mercy,
Why are you punishing her? What crime has she committed?

O' Lord of good fortune,
Did you bless others with good fortune only to save all the miseries for her?

Shivan did not say anything. He ate quietly. On the other days, Ratneshwari used to say a lot of things to Shivan while he ate. But on that morning, she did not say anything.

She did not sit with him to eat food. Shivan had his breakfast and went upstairs to get ready for work. After getting ready, he left.

Shivan did not look back. He sat inside the police jeep and closed his eyes. He could not face Ratneshwari. He felt like going somewhere and never returning.

Ratneshwari was standing at the door. She looked up at the blue sky and sighed. Then, she closed the door slowly. She went to the kitchen and served herself some food. Her mind was wandering. She was touching the food but not eating it.

Surprises donot always lighten up someone's face. Sometimes it gives you a deep wound which is very difficult to heal. Ratneshwari could not even lift a morsel. She stood up, took her plate and threw the food the dustbin. Then, she proceeded to wash the plate but burst into tears. She could not control herself. She washed the plate and wiped it clean.

She went to her bedroom. She felt exhausted. So, she decided to sleep. But when someone is suffering, does the one in the heaven not try to add something more to his sufferings? Ratneshwari felt asleep but she could not even sleep peacefully. The same nightmare started haunting her.

Ratneshwari envisions herself as a little school girl who goes to the school. It is an ordinary day at school. She sits alone in a bench. No one sits with her. Everyone sits with his or her friend. But alas! Ratneshwari has no friend. Finally, someone comes and sits on her bench. It is a girl. However, she does not talk to Ratneshwari. She keeps talking to her friends who are sitting on the benches which are nearby.

In the lunch break, Ratneshwari tries to talk to her. She has brought chocolate cake. She forwards a piece of cake towards the other girl but she acts as if the poor girl does not even exist.

Then, Ratneshwari sees herself in the playground. Some girls are playing. She goes and asks them if she can join. They refuse to let her play. "You are not our friend. Only friends can play together." , that is the excuse they give. Why? What crime has this girl commited? Why does she not deserve to be their playmate? Ratneshwari cries and pleads to let her play with them. But they refuse. One of them comes forward and pushes her to the ground. Ratneshwari falls down and hurts herself. Another girl comes and is about to punch her. Just then, her brother comes and hugs her. She shouts, "Anna!" and wakes up. But now, her brother is not present to hug her and console her. She continues sobbing.

It was a real incident, not something merely created by her subconscious mind. It happened long ago. But its memories never stopped haunting her.
After her marriage to Shivan, the nightmares had stopped. But now, they have returned again to make her survival even more difficult.